[hettie]

I had this question posted earlier but it seems to have gone missing so here I go again

How to you give a guy oral? I have avoided it all of my adult life < I'm 31> > as I was sexualy assaulted when I was 17 the thought of it terrifies and disgusts me however I sometimes wonder if is having an impact on my relationships my ex was great about it otbe honest any time I did try he was like look it not any fun for you it not any fun for me forget it. I do fel though as if I should face me fear I just not got a clue how to do it pleease don't laugh it ids really embaresing I shy away fromrelationships because if it then I feel lie I need to explain why I don't and it brings it all back not that it is ever that far away from miynd so flks any tips?

[peanut6966]

I bet if you look it up online you can find something. Each guy is different in how they like oral sex, some may like their testicles licked and sucked and some may only like them held... I would seriously look at a porn and watch it and you could always practice on a banana also but I would not try and go all the way down because you may gag and actually bite their penis. But try and think of it as a lollypop same kind of movement except move your head up and down at the same time... Good luck and don't be embarrassed by it :)

[lostinatrance]

I am in the same boat as you. My boyfriend is fine with it, he says if it makes me feel uncomfortable then I don't have to do it but I feel like I need to because it gives him pleasure. I didn't know what I was doing at all until a few weeks ago and I still have a hard time doing it. Just go up and down with a lot of suction and lick the head of his penis too, that's what I do, although it is different for every guy. It might be difficult to continue sucking for a long period but you'll get used to it, I'm starting to. Good luck;)

[taeshawn]

I asked a similar question on several occasions too an it went missing... apparently theey don't think it's appropriate. About your question though... starting out I try to think of something else then eventually I let my brain know what I'm doing. You have to try different things but u'll know what he likes by the sounds he makes or if he's not vocal by his body movements so when you find what he likes you continue to do that... yes watch some porn to get some moves.

[alkalineangel]

OK I'm going to try not to get too graphic here... stick with the head of the penis and you will be fine. Just lick and rub . No need to see how much you can fit in, all the sensations are right there in the head. Twirl your tongue around and rub the shaft with your hand. You'll know off the bat if he enjoys it...

[rankrank55]

It's great to combine your hand along with oral stimulation! It's best to first build up a little sexual tension by kissing the inside of is thighs, neck, under the arms, and testicles. Don't go straight for the head of the penis, for that is the gold mine, instead, kiss around the shaft, lick, do whatever until he can't take it anymore. After this tease part go for the head by lick around the head ultimately putting the whole head in your mouth. Place your lubricated hand around the shaft, up against your lips and move up and down, maybe even twist your hand a bit. Get creative with it. It is also great if you can keep a little eye contact with your significant other while doing this.

[kp2171]

I'm a guy, fyi

As mentioned, there's probably no perfect answer, but for me personally here's what helps...

Women don't always use their hands enough or grab as hard as they can when giving oral. Yes... it can be awesome with just a wet mouth, but much of the time using your hands can really, really help things along, as others mentioned.

Grabbing his shaft lower and firmly can be good. The sliding of the skin up and down the shaft feel great, not to mention that the pulling of the skin moves the testicles around, which is also great. Were wimps when it comes to getting racked, but during sex many of the things that would hurt there are interpreted as pleasure, not pain, so having the guys slap around a little feels wonderful, not matter how damn silly it seems. Its one of the reasons that approaching a woman "doggie style" can feel good for a man... the guys are swinging back and forth and slapping around and its another errogenous zone, sort of.

So by using your hand to firmly pull the skin up and then force it back down you can create some interesting stimulation while following your hand with your mouth.

Again, a mouth alone can feel incredible. And taking as much as you can in now and then can be great... but by using your hand and following it with your mouth hell get the sensation that you are going deeper than you are. So he gets the stimulation and you get a break, so to speak.

Using your other hand you can cradle his guys. I know, again, this has got to seem odd for women, but just tugging at them and rolling them around a little while your mouth is on him again increases the sensations.

Also, I love to be able to feel my partners breasts while she's giving oral. Also nice to have my hands in her hair, along her cheek while in moving in and out, and sometimes at her neck. I know you are struggling because of your past. You can only do what you are comfortable with... but if he puts his hands to your head or your neck it's a pretty normal thing. Guiding you some isn't mean as an aggression, at least in my mind.

Usually I prefer slow, deliberate oral... maybe faster and harder toward the end... but soft and wet and slower usually gets things built up faster for me.

And also there are different positions. If you sit in a chair while he stands it gives the guys more room to move around and he can easily reach down to grab your breasts. I love 69, but I know my partner usually doesn't get there on her side... its just the wrong oral stimulation to get her off at the same time as me... but for giving a man oral, it's a great position too.

I find too much focus on the head of the shaft and not enough on the shaft can be boring. Yes the head is sensitive, but you can mix it up some. Most woman don't want a man to just tongue lash at the cl!toris start to finish... so why just go at the head of the shaft? You can mix things up.

Also, remember, you don't need to do all the stimulations at once. Let it progress. Just change it up now and then and see if he responds. Not that much diff than other sex. You need to read your partner. I prefer a soft, wet start and a more firm, aggressive finish.

And the big debate question, swallow, spit, or neither... all I can say is finishing in mouth feels a lot better than without. My partner often will use her hands at her mouth at the finish and not swallow... it feels just as good. A previous partner would never let me finish near her mouth, and while she had incredible technique up to that point, what would have been a mind blowing (no pun intended) blowjob ended up with a mediocre finish. Still nice, but a lot less than it could have been. Not saying you should do something you don't want to. Just saying how it feels. Some guys prefer facials. I don't get that at all. Makes no sense to me. More proof that there isn't a perfect answer to all.

Hope that helps some. The biggest thing you can do in any sexual relationship is to somehow get the other person to talk to you about what they want... even during sex. It can seem strange at first to direct a partner, but that strangeness will go away quickly when you are suddenly getting them off faster or you are suddenly getting the stimulation you needed. I know my partners body pretty well, but even now shell tell me "bite here" or "lick softly" when what I'm doing isn't quite what she needs.

Oh, also meant to mention that the timing of the oral sex can also increase arousal, just as it can with any sex. When my partner wakes my up from a dead sleep cause she's going down on me its like christmas in bed. When I step out of the shower and she's sitting in the bathroom with a "get it over here if you want it" look, its absolutely awesome. So, like any sex, when you give it and he's not expecting it, you can really amp up the mental side.

[talaniman]

Yeah me too!

[JaiJai76]

I HATE IT!! Or I should say I hate giving it but I sure like to receive it! I totally get what your saying. My X would ask or demand it on a regular basis and it was the most gross thing I had to do.. it caused big problems in our sex life.

I have a friend who was molested when she was younger and she also has a hard time giving... She has recently found a good man and someone that totally gets her and like magic... she totally feels comfortable and even receive oral sex on her man. I too feel much more comfortable with the man I am with now because the relationship is better and a better connection is there...

But your question was how to give it... Well, your hand helps a lot... but there are toys that make it sooooo much easier... I can't remember the specific name... but check out a adult store/online because it works for both of you trust me!! And you barely do any work!!

[kp2171]

there needs to be a happy in-between for both sides. I know I get pi$$y if I don't get oral now and then, especially since my partner is good at it. And I'm more than happy to return the favor, so its not just one sided. Part of it is probably mental... it's a completely "selfless" act mentally in that the other person is directing all their attention to getting you off. Not that intercourse isn't "giving"... its just a different mental angle. Plus I've tended to date women who were more aggressive sexually, maybe more forward is the better term, so when a girl pushed me to the wall and goes down, its just incredible mentally. And the other part is physical. It feels different than intercourse, so it's a nice changeup. If all I ever had was oral id be grumpy about wanting intercourse.

I dated one girl who absolutely loved giving oral, except for the finish, she hated the finish, but shed gladly go down, but she was unique too. She loved risks, so you'd get oral at all the wrong moments... in the car, in the office, in the hall... she just loved that. But then the girl before her hated giving oral and I couldn't get her off orally no matter what I did. Not even once.

what was my point other than talking about sex... oh, it was mentioned that it can be a source of tension, especially if its demanded.

like I said, now and then keeps me from wanting it and then missing it and then being grumpy. By that time shell resent the demand and ill resent having to demand. No good. It's that "selfless" act thing I guess. Even if you don't care to do it often, I think its not a bad "trick" to learn...

you can always use it to start a guy up. For ex, my partner has a much better chance of getting off with oral first, either to completion or to get her close and then intercourse, usually with her on top so she can drive the pressure at her cl!toris and self stim her breasts. Well... I'm not saying that getting her off orally isn't exciting or arousing, but when I'm done I'm usually not as hard as I need to be... so her giving oral after receiving is a nice transition to intercourse or to its own finish.

just remember the secret golden rule. DO NOT mention or talk about oral sex in the presence of a man if you have no intention of putting out, unless you want to make him miserable and pent up. =) say the words and they'll be kicking around his head all dayt long until he goes mad.

my partner did that to me last weekend while we were at a brunch for a wedding wed attended. While the bride and groom were opening their presents she leans over and says "our room is empty and i could be going down on you right now" and smiles. OMG. That was soooooo mean. I sat there for the next 40 minutes trying to shake it off but no use. The 2 hour drive home wasn't any better. But she made good later in the night, after watching me stomp around the house all day. Mean. Mean. Mean. =)

so don't talk about it unless you mean it... or unless, as my partner would say, unless you just want to get a boys panties in a bunch.

that's enough talk about sex for the moment. Time to stomp around the house a bit and try to shake it from my mind again. Yeah, right.

[talaniman]

Yeah me too!

[BIGBOPPER]

[QUOTE=hettie]I had this question posted earlier but it seems to have gone missing so here I go again

How to you give a guy oral? I have avoided it all of my adult life < I'm 31> > as I was sexualy assaulted when I was 17 the thought of it terrifies and disgusts me...

That first part there should be a big clue.

I could write several pages on the art of oral for both men and women. But I think that if the idea causes emotional trouble for you, then you shouldn't try to force the issue down. Any man that you are with, should understand that oral sex is something that causes bad memories for you, and they should respect your wishes about it. If they do not, then you should seek a different partner.

If you have dealt with the issue, and feel comfortable about it. Find a willing partner (I doubt that you'd find an unwilling partner;) ), and practice, practice, practice.