[Conformist138]

I think these are the things that should be considered before swapping one relationship for another (something that can be unbearably painful for the "losing" partner). Not every point will directly apply to every person/situation, but I think there's probably something for everyone. This can also be adapted for a girl considering leaving a good guy. Enjoy.

(EDIT: Much of this concerns someone saying they want to be with you while you are in a relationship. The points should be considered carefully if you're tempted to take their offer. If you are looking at someone else on your own while in a relationship, some points here can still apply, but obviously not all of them.)

1. If a girl (or guy) is willing to approach someone who they know is in a relationship once, they will likely be willing to do it again. Don't be surprised if they hurt you next. There isn't a lot separating stepping in to someone else's relationship and stepping out of one of their own.

2. If someone knows you're in a relationship then they also know the hurt they will cause your current partner. They are willing to cause this pain to another (likely, innocent) person to get what they want.

3. They also know it will cause you the pain of losing the relationship you're in. Not only are you losing someone you cared about, likely on less-than-great terms, but going into a new relationship right away doesn't even give you a chance to grieve over the loss. The person confessing "love" decided to go ahead with the risk of causing you this pain and lack of healing.

4. If a person loves you selflessly, they would be willing to lose you rather than cause you, or someone you care about, heartache.

5. Girls can be especially catty. Don't trust things like "I don't want you to leave your girlfriend... I just thought you should know how I feel." She knows what she's doing and if she didn't want to cause you to leave your current relationship, she never would have said anything at all.

6. Respect for a person and the relationship they are in demands non-interference. If a relationship isn't right, it will end on it's own. Then, and only then, is the path opened to make a move. Anyone who won't wait for a relationship to end on it's own and instead feels the need to instigate the switch is not showing respect for you, your current relationship, or themselves. They also "love you" while at the same time are not willing to wait any length of time to see if you become single on your own.

7. Anyone with any self-respect only hits on or pursues people who are single. Anything else is begging for cheating and who wants a cheater?

8. Physical cheating is not the only kind of cheating. Emotional cheating is just as devastating to the partner who was left in the dark. The feelings of betrayal are just as real, as is the resulting loss of self-esteem and self-worth. In general, women are especially sensitive to this kind of betrayal. Studies have found women tend to actually feel worse about emotional affairs than physical ones. In the end, neither is okay; think twice about anyone who is willing to open the doors to either.

9. If you left a good relationship for someone else, don't be surprised if you find yourself doing it again. The grass will always be greener somewhere and you may eventually get in the habit of repeatedly trading relationships. This is futile and ultimately self-destructive. This pattern allows you to lower the value of each successive partner as each of them feel more and more temporary and not like a lasting part of your life. Also, you will never heal from the ending of each relationship, causing a snowball effect.

10. A lasting and loving relationship, over time, ends up being built on trust and respect more than just fiery passion. Passion always fades to some extent. When it does, will you find your relationship built on trust and mutual respect, or sneaky behavior and manipulation?

11. People can always make excuses for their own bad behavior. They always feel their situation is unique and different. This is rarely, if ever, true and to think otherwise is rather egotistical. Don't give in to the human desire to be "special" in every circumstance that comes along. This desire can lead you to develop double standards and think certain actions, while bad for other people, are actually okay for you.

12. If you do leave, look really hard at yourself. Are you the person you want to be? Did you allow yourself to compromise your own morals or ethics? Did you lose your sensitivity or empathy in your previous relationship? Is it unsettling that you found yourself willing to betray the trust of someone you cared about? Being totally blinded by the idea of this shiny new relationship isn't healthy if you find yourself becoming a different person. Odds are, the new person is less likable and less respectable.

13. If you find you made a mistake in leaving someone you were with honestly to be with someone who was willing to bend the rules for their own agenda, don't be too proud to admit it. In fact, you may be surprised what a good woman can forgive (probably too much) if she feels you learned from the experience. Just don't keep learning lessons the hard way or she may be forced to let you go for good in order to be open for a guy who knows how lucky he is to have her.

14. When people do selfish things, they know it's selfish. They can deny it in the hopes that if other people don't think so then it's not real, but they can never fully escape their own motivations. Many of us have found ourselves on various sides of similar situations and if we are really honest with ourselves, we know when we've acted for our own gain despite the excuses we may have offered.

[Devorameira]

That's great advice!

[talaniman]

When in situations like that, end your relationship, its going to be painful anyway. Then you can do whatever you wish. If your looking at another option, close the door of the past by ending your relationship.

The real point is to handle the business in front of you first.

It gets really bad when you start another relationship, officially or not while still with someone else, that's callous, uncaring and extremely self and self serving. Not good.

I have to point out that seeking another when your relationship has problems is your fault, not the uncompromising partner, and distracts you from doing things the right way, as opposed to the easy way, that's cheating. Again, not good.

Its not what you do sometimes, its how you do it, that really is the issue.