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tinkerbell04 · Sep 1, 2010, 07:44 AM

I have only been with my boyfriend for a short while but recently noticed he is always looking at other woman, not just one look but several looks. He says he is a people person and likes to observe! He also says there is no sexual concept towards them and loves me. So why does he only "observe woman" and not men? He is a good man in every other way. I have tried looking at other men to make him jealousbut he is not bothered.

J_9 · Sep 1, 2010, 07:46 AM

My favorite line... Just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't read the menu.

Seriously now, do you want him to look at men? If he did then you would come here asking if your boyfriend is gay. Right?

Men look at women, women look at men. It's really nothing sexual.

You've tried looking at other men to make him jealous and he's not bothered because he knows where your heart is.

Don't play games like that. It never works.

tinkerbell04 · Sep 1, 2010, 08:02 AM

How do I stop feeling inadequate then? He also says he isn't looking at the person but the situation, which I don't believe, he has always said he is a boob man and goes out of his way to be able to see women with low cut tops on and large breasts.I just need to know why he feels the need to look then when I question him he goes on the defensive.

talaniman · Sep 1, 2010, 10:04 AM

He gets defensive because he has already told you why he does it, but you don't accept it. He likes to look, most of us guys do, and the real issue is why does it make YOU feel inadequate? That has nothing to do with him, but is about YOU.

To be honest, most guys NEVER pay attention to who their partner looks at because we just don't care because we are to busy looking! That is the healthy males who do not feel threatened by something so small, and innocent as enjoying the gift of sight. Your man is healthy, and you have to stop making this looking thing such a big deal that you can't get over it, and it effects the way you deal with reality.

Think before you act, speak, or react. And learn not to sweat the small stuff.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 1, 2010, 02:29 PM

Men look, it's no big deal but you are going to make it one if you keep questioning him.
If he has given you no reason to be jealous or feel suspect, don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. You will end up driving him away.

silverlining · Sep 1, 2010, 04:29 PM

I understand why it upsets you but you can't change him.. So either accept that it's not a big deal and let it go or let him go and find someone that does not look.. It's really that simple :)

Enigma1999 · Sep 1, 2010, 04:40 PM

Hello Tinkerbell,

I have to agree with everyone else.

We are human, we like to look. I am a woman who likes to look at men. Your boyfriend is a man who likes to look at women. It doesn't mean anything bad.

Don't beat yourself up about this, or else he will start to think that you are a jealous and possessive woman, and believe me, that's a huge turn off for a man.

Good luck.

Jake2008 · Sep 2, 2010, 01:57 AM

Your question was, "is my boyfriend thinking sexual thoughts of the women he looks at", and I should think that if your goal is to read your boyfriends mind, then this is more than you being bothered with him merely 'looking'.

It must be smothering for your boyfriend, knowing that you wish him to erase what is in half his field of vision, because you don't like him looking, or, having sexual thoughts about anyone but you. I don't know how he gives himself away- do his eyes change colour, or does he suddenly start to grow hair on his knuckles?

If he is having sexual thoughts about women, particularly women with big boobs, does it extend, in his mind, to when you and he are intimate? Do you think that he picks out one well-boobed woman and pretends that you are her? Is he confused and upset that he has blurred the line between reality and his sexual thoughts of every woman he lusts after in his mind?

If you are accurate in your thinking, and making his 'looking' into a physical attraction that affects you, and somehow puts you in lesser stead than 'them', you have a far bigger problem than he does. You have taken the 'looks' he gives other women, and turned it into a soap opera, with a cast of big-boobed women vs. you, the intended. Sort of like a weird version of a reality show, only it isn't real.

You could try carrying a tazer and give his genitals a zap when he looks, thus re-training him to have an aversion to big boobs. Or, you could strap him in a chair, prop his eyes open with toothpicks, flash big boobs on a projector screen, and each time a boob picture pops up, give him an electric shock, followed by a punch in the stomach from one of those boxing gloves mounted on a giant spring.

Then, maybe humilitate him, and degrade him somehow, as punishment for making you feel insecure. Put a dress on him and high heels- make him walk through town and let people throw rotten tomatoes at him as punishment.

Seriously, you need to quit making a mountain out of a molehill. Women have boobs. Some have big boobs. Some women show them off. Some women have other assets that they show off- hair, figures, etc.

It means absolutely nothing. It is what it is. Give the poor guy a break.

Starry nights · Sep 2, 2010, 06:04 AM

Tinkerbell04,going against the tide of my fellow posters,I would just like to say this--men look,it's a given and sometimes it does make us women feel kind of jealous and mad especially when we are having a bad day and want the absolute undivided attention of our man without having to deal with his roving eyes :)

But an issue is an issue when you make it one.I have a girlfriend who has devised a tactic for this "wandering eyes" thing of her husband.When she's out with him and she spots a pretty babe,she whistles softly or something and gets her husband's attention towards that babe and they BOTH look.Initially,when he used to be surprised at this,she,very non-chalantly used to tell him that she knows he would have looked at her anyway,so why look behind her back.Why not look at her together.She does the exact similar thing when she sees a hansome guy :)

Trust me,men are more aware of the fact that they look and it sometimes becomes a cause of discomfort to their partners,since many women make issues out of this.Be different and fun instead,look at beautiful men and women together--like my friend--and it'll not only lighten the matter but show your guy that you are as fun,secure and comfy in your own skin as they come.You guy'll see a whole new,confident woman in you.

All the best and have fun:)

J_9 · Sep 2, 2010, 06:36 AM

Look at it this way...

The human body is a work of art. Artists have been studying it for centuries.

Men are naturally attracted the female body, and women are naturally attracted to the male body.

I think what you need to do is look at yourself and your own insecurities. Have you ever been cheated on before? Has he ever given you reason to doubt him?