[sylvan_1998]

I posted a few times about a month ago, about what happened between myself and my husband, and how things were GREAT. That no matter all the bad things, we loved eachother more.

Now - IM the one thats not so sure. I do love him, and I'm attracted to him, but I feel like were more like friends than a married couple. I've been distant and stand-offish towards him. He's a great guy, but I feel WAY different than a wife should feel.

Our sex life has went from great to, almost non-existant. He says he always wants sex, but doesn't touch me other than cuddling next to me, and I think he may have a medical condition,but we wont get into that. My point is, that I don't even wnt sex with him anymore - I'd rather take care of myself, and NOT have sex, than to be intimate with my husband on that level...is it right to feel that way? I dont even know if I want to try counseling. I dont believe in divorce, but I dont know that I have the feelings for him to stay either. Is this just a phase? has anyone else felt this way???

ERica

erlobenauer

I really have been there through most of my marriage. I love my husband so much and I do not question he is the one for me, but from the moment we said I do, I said no not tonight. It was really hard and I did a lot of soul searching. Aside from depression (which when treated made it better) I just tried really hard to make myself "get into it"

I think you are tired and you need to remind your husband of romance. You probably need to do some things to make you feel "pretty" again like a pedicure, facial, hair done... like when you were dating.

I do not know the magic answer. I think this is something that can be overcome. If you are committed to the marriage you will be committed to finding your way. I was. I am still finding my way. Funny thing is now I want the sex part of it and other things are lacking. If its not one thing then its another.

One more thing, I would tell your husband in the letters all the great things there are in your marriage and then mention the part you are struggling with. It will reassure him and help remind you.

Sylvan

[donf]

Ericia, (If I may use your name, please)

There are times when I go to bed naked with no expectation sex, well maybe a hint of a possible suspicion of the maybe.

Most of the time its because I want to be so near her, I'd be happy if I could just some how crawl inside her and take rest and comfort. I totally the very feel of her skin on mine. My lady doesn't particularly like roaming around nude or sleeping nude. She'll usually ask me what's wrong and I tell I have no idea and she puts her arm around me and all is wonderful, for me any way.

I know I've said this before, but home for me is wherever Bonnie is. I will pester her for sex but if she tells me she's not up to it I back up. Bonnie is a legal assistant and she works for three attorneys which at time is very chaotic. I'm retired and put out to pasture, which annoys me no end. I spend my days taking care on my niece's 2 yr old boy. He's quite a handful, but we have a lot of fun. Finally I have a playmate who knows how to have fun! For me the worst/best time of day can be his nap time. So when I say I understand your feelings, I do.

Over the years of our marriage I have learned that sex is a wonderful diversion but intimacy is real love. When we get the chance, Shaun and I sneak down to Aunt Bonnie's office and take her to lunch. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my lady.

Do I wish there was more frequency, of course I do. I'm a guy, I exist therefore, I want sex. Would I demand it of her, not since I was in my mid twenties.

Might I suggest the next time hubby climbs in the bed naked, hold him close to you in a hug and tell him you love him. Reassurance for us guys is important. When you get down to it, most guys are like German Shepherds. Well work all day for a pat on the head and a hug.