[smoothy]

If you accepted it then it wouldn't bother you. Its not something you can have both ways.

And yes I did read what you wrote. An alarming number of women project their own insecurities onto their male partners, and get upset if they so much as look at another woman... notice I'm talking Look, not flirting with other women. Big difference between them.

[Jentau]

Really isn't a "Solution" he needs to work on. If she gets like this over porn...then he won't be able to go to the beach or the Swimming pool because there are women, some very attractive running around in teeny bikinis....then forget Baywatch or any number of TV shows....Chearleeders at the ball games, THe Victorias secret catalogs, the mall, the Grocery store, etc...

When I said "solution" I was suggesting that they work together to help her with her problem. I'm not saying that he has a problem because he looks at porn. Only that they need to talk about it so she can get her issues out in the open.

[smoothy]

When I said "solution" I was suggesting that they work together to help her with her problem. I'm not saying that he has a problem because he looks at porn. Only that they need to talk about it so she can get her issues out in the open.

The problem is it more likely than not antagonize HIM. I'd say the same thing if he was giving her crap about recording General Hospital to watch religiously every night and he had to talk to her about the problem of soap operas. (thats just an example)

But only she will know for sure... maybe.

As long as he's not flirting with other women its something she needs to learn to accept as just being the way things are. My wife for example knows guys look, she has no problem with me watching porn when I feel like it, or gawking at outstanding women locally, in fact she points out the ones I miss, we have fun with it together. Conversely she does have a major issue if I'm chatting up beautiful women on the streets and flirting. And I agree the former is fine while the latter isn't in the confines of a marriage.

[Jentau]

I see your point smoothy and you're right only she knows how he would react. He doesn't know she feels this way since she's told him before that she's fine with it. And could be difficult to hear.

Maybe the poster just needs a bit of reassurance from him, until she can learn on her own to be more comfortable with her body.

[BedHeadRed]

The problem is it more likely than not antagonize HIM. I'd say the same thing if he was giving her crap about recording General Hospital to watch religiously every night and he had to talk to her about the problem of soap operas. (thats just an example)

But only she will know for sure.....maybe.

As long as he's not flirting with other women its something she needs to learn to accept as just being the way things are. My wife for example knows guys look, she has no problem with me watching porn when I feel like it, or gawking at outstanding women locally, in fact she points out the ones I miss, we have fun with it together. Conversely she does have a major issue if I'm chatting up beautiful women on the streets and flirting. And I agree the former is fine while the latter isn't in the confines of a marriage.

First of all I do, once again, accept the fact that he watches porn.
My question was not about him it was about me.

If my brother were to drop out of school and join a circus I would accept that.
I may not agree with it but it doesn't mean that I don't accept it.

Acceptance and agreeableness are two different things.

I don't mind the action itself.
The other night, we actually had like an hour long conversation about our porn preferances.

Both of us gave out imput.
So it's not about the porn itself.

I also know that he doesn't want to date porn stars
And I know that he loves me.

Also, we can watch TV or be looking at a magazine and he will say "She's pretty" or "She's hot"

And that doesn't bother me.
Most of the time I will agree with him.



This whole subject matter is about the feeling I get when I come across porn he looks at.

It's shameful but I want to look appealing to him, just like most girls do.
I just feel like I could do better in the appearance section... I just don't know what to do.

My boyfriend is an extremely sweet guy and I know he loves me dearly.
I don't fear him leaving me for someone else or cheating on me.

It's not about that.
Many people that responded to this helped me figure out that it's all about myself confidence.

I have grown up with constant critical abuse from family which makes it hard to accept myself.


You seem to have grouped me in with "every all of the other jealous girlfriend types"
And I don't see it that way.



Perceive it how you may but I disagree with you completely.

[smoothy]

First of all I do, once again, accept the fact that he watches porn.
My question was not about him it was about me.

If my brother were to drop out of school and join a circus I would accept that.
I may not agree with it but it doesn't mean that I don't accept it.

Acceptance and agreeableness are two different things.

I don't mind the action itself.
The other night, we actually had like an hour long conversation about our porn preferances.

Both of us gave out imput.
So it's not about the porn itself.

I also know that he doesn't want to date porn stars
and I know that he loves me.

Also, we can watch tv or be looking at a magazine and he will say "She's pretty" or "She's hot"

And that doesn't bother me.
Most of the time I will agree with him.



This whole subject matter is about the feeling I get when I come across porn he looks at.

It's shameful but I want to look appealing to him, just like most girls do.
I just feel like I could do better in the appearance section... I just don't know what to do.

My boyfriend is an extremely sweet guy and I know he loves me dearly.
I don't fear him leaving me for someone else or cheating on me.

It's not about that.
Many people that responded to this helped me figure out that it's all about my self confidence.

I have grown up with constant critical abuse from family which makes it hard to accept myself.


You seem to have grouped me in with "every all of the other jealous girlfriend types"
and I don't see it that way.



Perceive it how you may but I disagree with you completely.

First of you are twisting the definition of "acceptance" within an inch of its life and then some.

Unless you are able to admit this to yourself you will not be able to move past it.
From acceptance - definition of acceptance by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.


ac·cep·tance
n. 1. The act or process of accepting.
2. The state of being accepted or acceptable.
3. Favorable reception; approval.
4. Belief in something; agreement.
5. Abbr. acpt. a. A formal indication by a debtor of willingness to pay a time draft or bill of exchange.
b. A written instrument so accepted.

6. Law Compliance by one party with the terms and conditions of another's offer so that a contract becomes legally binding between them.

Now the very fact you get so upset over this tells me you have not in fact accepted it yet.

If you truly want to get past this you really do have to admit this to yourself first so you can move on to the next step.

[Jake2008]

I think the word fidelity applies here.

If I came across porn on my husband's computer, I would feel hurt and betrayed. I should think that if he came across porn on my computer, he would be a bit baffled too.

Just stating an honest opinion here, but I would first wonder why he needed to do that, and secondly, because it is about sexuality and getting turned on by it, why is that needed at all, when he has me, and everything is okay in the sex department.

It has nothing to do with my self-image of my body, or that I'm a prude, or that I am unwilling to try new things etc. but rather it has everything to do with sharing him with another source for a sexual need.

Likewise, if he spent time in topless bars, or strip clubs, I'd feel the same way. If I found a stack of porn magazines under his bed, that too would bother me.

But not in the sense I thought something was wrong with me, just why does he need more than me.

[smoothy]

I think the word fidelity applies here.

If I came across porn on my husband's computer, I would feel hurt and betrayed. I should think that if he came across porn on my computer, he would be a bit baffled too.

Just stating an honest opinion here, but I would first wonder why he needed to do that, and secondly, because it is about sexuality and getting turned on by it, why is that needed at all, when he has me, and everything is okay in the sex department.

It has nothing to do with my self-image of my body, or that I'm a prude, or that I am unwilling to try new things etc., but rather it has everything to do with sharing him with another source for a sexual need.

Likewise, if he spent time in topless bars, or strip clubs, I'd feel the same way. If I found a stack of porn magazines under his bed, that too would bother me.

But not in the sense I thought something was wrong with me, just why does he need more than me.

See that is coming from your own insecurities... it has nothing to do with fidelity in any way shape or form. Did he chat up those women? did he go out with them? Did he sleep with even one of them? See the answer is no. Being bothered and expecting him to keep his eyes down for life... never gaze upon another female, etc... you know just like the Taliban imposes through threats and intimidation in Afgahnistan.

Actually thinking you can command another human to not even look at something is not acceptable behaviour. In fact taking such a stance is one sure fire way to drive a man off. Would YOU appreciate getting the third degree from a man who controls who you look at, what you watch, who you speak to, and who you associate with?. See where I'm going here, that's called Abuse, and controlling behaviour is abuse be it from a man or from a woman.

[Jake2008]

While I respect your opinion Smoothy, I'm about as far away from being an insecure person as you can get.

And, after 33 years of marriage, I can tell you, there would be no porn on my husband's computer. Never has been, never will be.

Nor would there be any on my son's computer either.

That's just the way it is in my house. :D

[talaniman]

I think partners should define the boundaries of their relationship, and if they can both agree to give each other enough space, to do what they like, through communications, and compromise, then things can work. But insecurity, and fears should be expressed, and an effort to overcome them, must be the responsibility of the partner with the problem, and the other must support those efforts.

Making stringent rules, or demands that are not realistic, is a disaster waiting to happen, as we humans are not perfect, but we are responsible for being open minded enough, to give space, and respect.

Porn isn't an issue in my house, but I can see where it could be in others, but that only means more honest communications, and a willingness to work together, to the benefit of both is the only way to go.

If there is a problem, is it worth being miserable over it? Or breaking up? Is your way the only way??

A problem is only as big as you make it.

[smoothy]

While I respect your opinion Smoothy, I'm about as far away from being an insecure person as you can get.

And, after 33 years of marriage, I can tell you, there would be no porn on my husband's computer. Never has been, never will be.

Nor would there be any on my son's computer either.

That's just the way it is in my house. :D

In my house we respect each other... but we also respect each others space, and each others diversions.

My wife doesn't get all insecure with porn... or hot looking women on the street. I don't get all insecure about her soap operas. She doesn't dictate who my friends are, and I don't dictate who her friends are. And believe me... there would be problems if anyone did try to dictate that. I've tossed aside more than a few women that thought they could and would dictate those aspects of my life.

[45notdaddy]

Here's my take as a porn peruser in a committed relationship.

• Yes, there are things that I would change about my girlfriend's appearance. Specifically I'd love it if she got a set of DD implants. It's not happening, and I'm good with that, as it's her body and occasionally she lets me touch it.
• I watch porn mainly for the situations and picture myself with her performing said activity. Yes it helps if the person in the clip is attractive as it helps if I lose focus, but it all comes back to her.
• I love my girlfriend and have no plans to run off with "Candy Dejour" (fake name don't bother) as I feel largely fuffilled by our relationship, even if I have to barter for "special" events.

If you're disturbed with what you saw, ask him about it, if it doesn't involve pee, poo, blood, animals, or kids consider trying it, if it does... RUN!

[littlesecrets]

Okay, the man who just answered your post is a complete arse.
Obviously he has no idea that the women in porn are all airbrushed and faked up. Men are dumb pigs clearly. Don't worry my darling... you are beautiful, the world is mean place don't let it