[hopelesslynluv]

I have been dating a married man now for a year... most of it has been long distance. We met last December, he was going through something's in his marriage. Actually, when we met his divorce was filed and he was going through with it. Well, he grew up in a very poor household.. raised by his mother and his father wasn't present. He has a son by his wife and vowed that his son will not grow up without his father... basically she uses the son against him and told him that he will never see his son again (so I think for him it's easier to keep her... I don't know). Anyway... we have everything in common, we have the same type of goals... and are both success driven alike... we are compatible in everyway imaginable. 2 months into our relationship I moved because of work, so it's been long distance. About 2 months ago, he was deployed to the middle east... he has told me on many occasions that he loved me. This is my delima... I'm also married, but been separated for almost 4 years now. I know in my heart of heart that this is wrong and even if he leaves her I would be somewhat of a rebound (which I don't want to be). But after being married myself for 8 years... I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone (keep in mind that he is not my normal pick of the litter either). But, I love everything hair on this man's body! In fear of getting hurt, part of me want to tell him that I can no longer do this, but he is deployed right now and if in fact he is truly in love with me I don't think that this would be the right time to tell him something like this... which I really want to let him know this. It's very hard for me to live day by day... he consumes 99% of my daily thought process... What should I do? Should I wait until he returns, which is about a year from now, just leave him alone, don't accept anymore emails or calls, or just let him know??

-Hopelesslynluv

[Caralyn]

You answered your own post. Stop all contact. Either he will do the right thing and come clean to his wife, the mother of his child, and ask for a divorce or he will simply disappear into the woodwork from where he came. You have to ask yourself, "If he can treat his wife like that, what chance do I have?"

[charlotte234s]

Tell him to get the divorce or else you'll cut all contact. His wife can't kee his son away from him, legally, and that's no reason to stay with her. He needs to confess, divorce, and move on, otherwise, it's time for you to move on.

[bebegirl]

I believe it's morally wrong. BUT w/ this said... putting everything aside. I know your feelings for him are very strong I am sure. However... does it ever cross your mind that he will do the same to you? I mean.. he once stood at an alter w/ this other woman and vowed and promised her -- to love, honor and cherish her all the days of his life.
If I was to ask you when he tells you he loves you if you think he meant it... I am sure your response would be an immediate "yes!!"... but considering this man to you may be a man of his word... what about his commitment to his marriage.

I would cut it off. There is a man out there that will love you fully and not have to hide a thing. You wouldn't ever have to worry in the back of your head if this man is being so deceitful to you. No person should ever have to feel that way. Besides that -- it really hurts a lot of people... especially children in the end, trust me.

[Fr_Chuck]

Move on, don't have anymore contact period.

[Homegirl 50]

Don't have anymore contact with him. If he wants to stay in his marriage for his son's sake, then he needs to be faithful in it and not cheating. Leave him alone. Why are you still married?