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wild_girl · Jul 12, 2007, 01:55 AM

Hey there, I am new to this, I think this will be my last hope. I have been trying to get help, and cannot seem to get it anywhere.

Well, I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now. I am 20 and he is 25. I was 17 when we started dating, and I was a virgin. I lost my virginity to him, and he is my first "real" boyfriend.

He is a great guy, he does everything for me. He listens when I need to talk, he takes care of me. He is the Same as me, and I could never imagine being with anyone else. We get along great, and I KNOW in my heart he would NEVER leave me, or even consider it. We have NEVER broken up, not even for a day. We are so in love and we both plan on getting married one day soon.

When we first started dating, in the first 6 months... he had some serious drug and alcohol problems, with bad drugs. He would get so hammered all the time, he wouldn't remember anything from the night before, he would always be throwing up and everything, just being a HUGE retard. It really was damaging our relationship, and I tried and treied and tried to talk to him about changing his life around, and as much as it seemed like he really wanted to change, he never would.. that was him, and I couldn't do anything about it, I realized it would be up to him to want to change.

One mronign he called me at approx 7am--which was weird for him, cause for one-he never called me at that time, and for 2, was never even awake then.
He told me to meet up with him right away--so I did, I thought it would be important,
When I met up with him, he had just left his moms work and was crying... he told me he had made a horrible mistake and he had had sex IN A BUSH with a dirty gross girl that he'd met on the street. Some Michelle girl who said she'd do sexual things to my boyfriend and his friend for drugs.
When he told me this, I was crushed SHATTERED. I couldn't believe it was true. My heart was broken, so badly, that 2 years later, I am up till 5am and cannot sleep cause of it, and searching everywhere for answers.
I kept trying to tell myself that, "Its a surprise he told me, cause most guys wouldn't"... but deep down I know he is a great guy an has a conscience.
I didn't really forgive him, I just kind of stayed with him.. he quit doing drugs and drinking COMPLETLEY, and focused on our relationship to the max, and still 2years later he treats me like gold and doesn't do anything bad.

**EXCEPT**

Since the cheating I have become INSANELY JEALOUS!!

I started buying insane amounts of clothes and lingerie, and tanning obsessively for him to think I am hot... and he says he doesn't want m to do all that cause he loves me for who I am, but I do not believe that. Because of the cheating.

Whenever we go out for dinner, or shopping, or anything for that matter--I can never enjoy myself cause I feel like he is checking out all the girls and looking at them, and imaging having sex with them, causd I feel he is bored of me.

I feel like I need to impress him in bed, and I can't just be myself.
Whenever a hot girl comes on TV, even on a shampoo commercial, I get INSANELY jealous and mad at him. I freak if he talks to any girl... I AM GOING CRAZY!!

I feel he is omparing me to all the girls he has EVER had sex with--even girls from long ago, andit has gotten so bad, than girls he has had one night stands with years and years ago, I search on Facebook and on the internet to see what they look like, and why he liked them.

I sabotage every girl to him so he will think Iam the hottest... and whenever guys hit on me, I make it a point to tell him, so again--he can realize how hot I am.

I cry every night, and can never sleep...

He is willing to help me, by talking.. counsellign etc...
He says he doesn't know what to do, he has tried everything.. I don't know what we can do, I seriously need help...

Please help me, and tell me EXACTLY what I should do.. any links etc? I was never this kind of person before, I miss the old me, that he fell in love with.

THANKSSS

:confused:

JoeCanada76 · Jul 12, 2007, 02:00 AM

Go to the counseling. By yourself and as a couple. If you truly want to work through what happened. I can not advise on anything else. Go through the counseling together and see where this takes you. If then it does not solve anything, then you might want to move on. This is your own choice.

It sounds like you both want to work through it. You just need that 3rd outside person to help you through the process.

Best wishes.

Joe

wild_girl · Jul 12, 2007, 02:27 AM

Yes, I really want to go to couselling... I think I will, thanks.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 12, 2007, 02:28 AM

You need to go to counseling. Nothing I or anybody can say that will change your ways. Counseling will give you ideas and ways of getting to the root of your problem and also giving you techniques on how to move past it.

Joe

JoeCanada76 · Jul 12, 2007, 02:29 AM

That is the only way, because if you continue the path your on. Your going to lose everything and you are going to be a lonely person.

wild_girl · Jul 12, 2007, 02:29 AM

Oh all right, thanks a lot.

Skrypt · Jul 12, 2007, 06:10 AM

Have your boyfriend read your post so he can understand you better. Also your jealousy will push him away which YOU DON'T WANT. Telling him how you feel may help the situation so you he can help you get over this.

alkalineangel · Jul 12, 2007, 06:36 AM

You do need help, based on your other posts, you are in a serious state of mind. It is hard to let a boyfriend go, esp when they are your "first" because there is a bond there that women form unconciously, you will never forget them, but if it causing you such pain, you ned to leave him.
Please seek out professional help as soon as possible.

talaniman · Jul 12, 2007, 06:38 AM

HEY! My boyfriend is in jail for almost 2 years too!! I know EXACTLY what you are going through __________________
WILD GIRL!!

You have some serious problems to deal with and a professional is your best bet.

wild_girl · Jul 12, 2007, 09:09 AM

Originally Posted by Skrypt

have your boyfriend read your post so he can understand you better. Also your jealousy will push him away which YOU DON'T WANT. Telling him how you feel may help the situation so you he can help you get over this.

See my boyfriend knows about my psychoness and I hjave explained this all to him, and explained how it will push him away--he says no matter how psycho I get, he will never leave me.

Skrypt · Jul 12, 2007, 09:14 AM

You're a lucky girl

wild_girl · Jul 12, 2007, 09:15 AM

Why??

Skrypt · Jul 12, 2007, 09:17 AM

because some men don't value their loved ones as people but see any sickness or difference as holding themselves back. Your boyfriend will stay with you when u tell him your problems which is very good. That and he completely stopped drugs, and alcohol after confessing to you he cheated. Confessing is one thing but quitting 2 addictions is hard, and he must have had the love in your relationsihp as motivation.

wild_girl · Jul 12, 2007, 09:18 AM

Yea, I know he is a good person, I just can'tseem to get over my psycho jealous behaviour.

Shaunta · Jul 12, 2007, 09:21 AM

You Know What?? I Kind of Want To Say I Know How You Feel But Then I Can't Becasuse My Boyofriend Neveer Cheated On Me Or Was On Drugs Or Anything... But As You Can See He Stopped Smoking And Drinking Because He Obviously Cares... Even I Get Jealous When I See Hot Girls On Tv And See That My Boyfriend Is Looking At Them... I Think A lot Of Girls Do That... I Even Was A Psycho At One Point In Our Relationship... But Then I Stopped Because I Didn't Want To Lose Him... This Is My First Real Relationship Also And We've Been Together For 3 Years In Sept. Just Go And Get Some Counseling... So You Can Talk About Your Problems... He Also Cares About You Because If He Didn't He Wouldn't Have Told You About The Girl In The Bushes... Good Luck:)

talaniman · Jul 12, 2007, 11:02 AM

Is he still in jail, or has he served his time??

Skrypt · Jul 12, 2007, 12:21 PM

Don't think he went to jail

talaniman · Jul 12, 2007, 01:01 PM

See #9 on this thread, and this thread
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...set-76914.html

wild_girl · Jul 12, 2007, 09:36 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Is he still in jail, or has he served his time???

Still in jail.. why?

statictable · Jul 23, 2007, 05:24 PM

Originally Posted by wild_girl

Hey there, I am new to this, I think this will be my last hope. I have been trying to get help, and cannot seem to get it anywhere.

Well, I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now. I am 20 and he is 25. I was 17 when we started dating, and I was a virgin. I lost my virginity to him, and he is my first "real" boyfriend.

he is a great guy, he does everything for me. he listens when I need to talk, he takes care of me. he is the EXACT same as me, and I could never imagine being with anyone else. we get along great, and I KNOW in my heart he would NEVER leave me, or even consider it. we have NEVER broken up, not even for a day. We are so in love and we both plan on getting married one day soon.

When we first started dating, in the first 6 months...he had some serious drug and alcohol problems, with bad drugs. He would get so hammered all the time, he wouldn't remember anything from the night before, he would always be throwing up and everything, just being a HUGE retard. it really was damaging our relationship, and I tried and treied and tried to talk to him about changing his life around, and as much as it seemed like he really wanted to change, he never would..that was him, and I couldn't do anything about it, I realized it would be up to him to want to change.

One mronign he called me at approx 7am--which was weird for him, cause for one-he never called me at that time, and for 2, was never even awake then.
he told me to meet up with him right away--so I did, I thought it would be important,
when I met up with him, he had just left his moms work and was crying...he told me he had made a horrible mistake and he had had sex IN A BUSH with a dirty gross girl that he'd met on the street. Some Michelle girl who said she'd do sexual things to my boyfriend and his friend for drugs.
When he told me this, I was crushed SHATTERED. i couldn't believe it was true. my heart was broken, so badly, that 2 years later, I am up till 5am and cannot sleep cause of it, and searching everywhere for answers.
I kept trying to tell myself that, "Its a surprise he told me, cause most guys wouldn't"...but deep down I know he is a great guy an has a conscience.
I didn't really forgive him, I just kinda stayed with him.. he quit doing drugs and drinking COMPLETLEY, and focused on our relationship to the max, and still 2years later he treats me like gold and doesn't do anything bad.

**EXCEPT**

Since the cheating I have become INSANELY JEALOUS!!!

I started buying insane amounts of clothes and lingerie, and tanning obsessively for him to think I am hot....and he says he doesn't want m to do all that cause he loves me for who I am, but I do not believe that. because of the cheating.

whenever we go out for dinner, or shopping, or anything for that matter--I can never enjoy myself cause I feel like he is checking out all the girls and looking at them, and imaging having sex with them, causd I feel he is bored of me.

I feel like I need to impress him in bed, and I can't just be myself.
Whenever a hot girl comes on tv, even on a shampoo commercial, I get INSANELY jealous and mad at him. I freak if he talks to any girl....I AM GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!

I feel he is omparing me to all the girls he has EVER had sex with--even girls from long ago, andit has gotten so bad, than girls he has had one night stands with years and years ago, I search on facebook and on the internet to see what they look like, and why he liked them.

I sabotage every girl to him so he will think Iam the hottest....and whenever guys hit on me, I make it a point to tell him, so again--he can realize how hot I am.

I cry every night, and can never sleep...

he is willing to help me, by talkign ..counsellign etc...
he says he doesn't know what to do, he has tried everything..I dont know what we can do, I seriously need help....

Please help me, and tell me EXACTLY what I should do..any links etc?? I was never this kind of person before, I miss the old me, that he fell in love with.

THANKSSS

:confused:

See a pro. MD, Therapist or the like. You can take care of it in time but need to talk and talk and talk with the right therapist.