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blue_eyesnfld · Oct 25, 2010, 12:06 AM

I'm 23 and I started working a lot with a man. We were just working together and I knew he was married because I was at his wedding.. we continued to work together and we started to realize all the things we had in common.he is married only a few months maybe 3 now.we both want the same things in life and he told me he wouldn't have sex with me right now cause he wants me to know he respects me.I asked him if we would ever be serious and he said well we don't know that for sure. We never had sex yet but been in a relationship now for a month and friends longer but I'm falling in love with him.. he has no children with her and they do not live together because of the apt leases.he never goes to see her or spend time with her he is always with me.like I say he won't even have sex with me yet.he does so much for me and takes good care of me although I don't need it.. and he also say he likes how I appreciate him.I show him that I have so much self confidence and don't put up with much.. I don't know what to do.. he is such an honest sincere man with me more so then his wife..

justcurious55 · Oct 25, 2010, 12:15 AM

I think you know the answer here to what you should do. You need to break it off with him immediately. He's married, and what the two of you are doing is wrong. If he's not close with his wife, then he either needs to work things out with her now or end it. You need to be out of that picture. They've barely even had a chance to experience their marriage and it's wrong and totally unfair for you to be coming between them. He's married, as long as he is married it is wrong for you to be in an sort of relationship with him, sex or no sex.

YeloDasy · Oct 25, 2010, 12:38 AM

I am curious why you want to be with a man who would do this to his wife?

Alty · Oct 25, 2010, 01:22 AM

He's married, that means he's off limits.

If he gets divorced than feel free to pursue a relationship, but in the meantime he's not available.

You say he's honest, but I disagree. He's not at all honest, not to you and not to his wife. He's a cheater. If he's doing this to his poor wife of 3 months than he'll do it to you too, once he gets tired of you.

Find someone that's available, leave the married men alone.

talaniman · Oct 25, 2010, 07:59 AM

Are you some kind of dilly bar or something? Do you know how many married guys have used charm to sway stupid females for love, sex, and whatever they want? Mr. Honest and Sincere, is just grooming you to be his side thing, while he keeps the appearance of a successful husband with a working wife. And like most dilly bars, you fall for it, and get in so deep, you forget your own life, and go along with his program.

You are crossing the lines of good behavior, and will have to pay the consequences of your actions, whether you are in love, or NOT!! You are just another dilly bar, fooling yourself, because he is fooling YOU, and that's sad. I can't wait for his leases to get straightened out, and he has to live with his wife. That's when the crap hits the fan, and leaves you, and your love, in misery and pain.

I wish · Oct 25, 2010, 08:27 AM

If he's married, then leave him alone. You don't need to be the one he cheats with. How do you think his wife would feel if he knew about you?

Plenty of fish in the sea, why insist on sticking with one of the taken ones. Go out and meet new people.

mmresd · Oct 25, 2010, 09:00 AM

Wow, the choice here is very simple, LEAVE HIM ALONE!! Out of respect to him and to yourself you need to leave him be, you are promoting and wanting him to cheat on his wife! This is ALL wrong... you need to back off because if not you might end up ending their relationship (which is more than exclusive) or maybe you will end up hurt as he drags you along and you fall deeper in love with him with fall hopes of maybe him being with you one day. If he wanted to be with you, and not just use you for whatever reasons he might have, he would have done so already. And also, he is the opposite of an honest, sincere man. And remember that in this type of situation, you are the girl on the side not the other way around! So, stop having anything more than a friendship with him if you don't want things to end badly!

Good Luck,

Javi

Justwantfair · Oct 25, 2010, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by blue_eyesnfld

i show him that i have so much self confidence and don't put up with much..

You put up with a lot from what I can see. A willing mistress... oh wait, he respects you enough not to ask for sex. He just courts you instead of taking care of his wife of three months at home.

Married = unavailable... PERIOD.

This man doesn't have any respect, none for you, none for him and especially none for his wife. Yet, you envy the wife and want to be in her shoes.

Karma can be haunting, now imagine yourself in his wife's shoes.

Cat1864 · Oct 25, 2010, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by blue_eyesnfld

i knew he was married because i was at his wedding..

he is married only a few months maybe 3 now.

i show him that i have so much self confidence and don't put up with much..i don't know what to do..he is such an honest sincere man with me more so then his wife..

You were at his wedding. You were a witness to his making a vow to his WIFE to be faithful to HER. You do know that a vow is a promise. Honest and sincere people keep them. How long did he keep his?

Stop living in a fantasy world and leave him alone. Put your energy into actually building up your self-confidence instead of proclaiming it is there. If you truly don't put up with much, then don't put up with him.

Think about this: He made a promise to her in front witnesses including you and, probably, his Deity. A promise he now feels safe in not keeping and may have even lied when he made it. If he doesn't keep a public ally made promise or lied in making it, what makes you think he will not lie to you or will keep any promise he makes you?

Promise him that you aren't a gullible fool who will allow herself to be used like a doll to keep him occupied when his wife isn't available. Promise him that you will not talk to him about anything other than work. Promise him that you aren't going to be a home wrecker no matter what he thinks of his 'home'.

Promise yourself that you are a strong confident woman who does not need a lying cheater to complete her. Promise yourself that you will not be used.

Give yourself a chance to meet an available man who is much better suited for you than this male.

Jake2008 · Oct 25, 2010, 03:02 PM

You don't say that you yourself, have your own relationship- do you?

You also characterize your relationship, as having gone on for a month now, officially, but that you have been friends for longer. I'd say that the time you were friends, figuring out that you wanted to be a couple, surely indicates that you've been on the path of destruction for longer than a monh.

And what kind of woman would do this to another woman. You do realize that you are destroying her life don't you? You realize that every personal conversation with her husband, is one that should not be happening. Every plan you make, future you discuss, love you profess, is a continuous stab in the back- to her.

You and him deserve each other. She deserves neither. I hope that she finds out sooner rather than later not only what kind of man he is, but what kind of woman you are. Both of you deserve each other, and she deserves much, much better.

Sorry to point out the obvious, but any woman that would do this to another woman, and then has the audacity to blame 'the wife' for his cheating, is just beyond the lowest possible form of human decency.

Get your own man. One that is available, not married, and free to have an open and honest relationship.

Leave other womens' husbands alone!!!!

DoulaLC · Oct 25, 2010, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by blue_eyesnfld

..he is such an honest sincere man with me more so then his wife..

He is neither honest nor sincere. If he would lie to his wife, of only three months no less, what in the world makes you think he wouldn't lie to you as well?! Because he says he is being honest? Because you love him? Because he takes good care of you?

Stop being gullible, naïve, and dishonest yourself and end it. It's as simple as that.

jelly1bean · Oct 26, 2010, 04:31 PM

Honestly, think about it... if he is going to cheat on her... he IS going to cheat on you. Besides... what on earth would be so appealing about this creep? He is married... Marriage vows are sacred. Even if the cheating is "only emotional" it is STILL CHEATING. Think about the other women, put yourself in her shoes, he might telling her different things and acting as though things are different than he is telling you. She might have a totally different take on their relationship and not think that anything is wrong. Just because this guy says something does not make it so. RUN!! Run as fast and far from him as you can. He is NOT available and even if he was to become so in the future why would you want him? That guy is not someone you want to mess with... and you yourself know that it is wrong or you would not question it.