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skittlefrittle · May 24, 2008, 07:54 PM

Well I'm going to see what happens. We are going to see other people, I think it will save the chances of our relationship in the future.
I think this will work out :)

rawsushi · May 24, 2008, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by skittlefrittle

<snip>

I accepted him for who he was, and he was sort of a misfit and not necessarily georgeous, nobody wanted to date him. He accepted me for who I was as well, although I am told that I'm really attractive.(I don't want to sound vain!! ) but I love him so incredibly much I didn't care about his appearance because he was my missing piece. He is everything to me.

This in itself is great. You've acknowledged something very mature... which is usually summarised with - "don't judge a book by its cover" or "beauty is only skin deep".

Things started getting rocky around our 2 year anniversary. We broke up because I didn't really like some of his friends and I admittedly was drifting somewhat and was getting detached. He sensed that. There was a bbq that we were invited to and I didn't want to go because I suspected there would be drinking and sexual pressure I would not want to be a part of and so I told him that and he became frustrated that I didn't approve of his friends.

Not really sure I understand about the sexual pressures encountered at a barbecue... but...

<snip>
In my yearbook ,he wrote that we had gotten through rough times but he had always loved me regardless and that we were living a dream and that reality may eventually catch up to us, even though he would love to stay together. That shocked me. After all we had been through, he thought that we might break up again.

You've lost me here on the logic. I am estimating you both are 18-19 years old. So when I read your paraphrasing what he wrote in your year book... specifically the 'living a dream and that you may break up someday', as a male, I don't read that as a DESIRE to break up, but more of a logical statement (that we males tend to make) along the following lines:
<i>I'm 18 (19) years old. I'm in love with my girlfriend of 2+ years... We'll both live to be 80 years old. What are the odds that we're together for the rest of our lives - especially considering for the next 4+ years we're going to be living in different places.</i>

so I called him and suggested a break for the summer. He is applying to the naval acad. And west point and is going to both summer seminars so we would not see each other much and it would be a good time for him to focus because it is really important to him and what's important to him is important to me. But he suggested we just break up and just get back together later(he didn't want to break up though), so we wouldn't have claims on each other. At the notion of just getting back together in a couple of months I agreed relulctantly. Then I realized I didn't want to break up at all, and that this could only lead to bad things happening, but he said that he had thought about it and the breakup might be the best thing now. I didn't want it at all. I got emotional and he got frustrated and didn't want to talk to me. I eased into talking to him and got him to have small talk the next day. As long as I didn't talk about us he would talk to me. Long story short something happened that was very minor, I tried to get his sympathy by saying some stuff that wasn't true and he found me out by rudely interrogating one of my friends. So now he won't talk to me.
His friends which are now some of my good ones have talked to him and their advice is that I should not text or talk to him. They say that when they talked to him he said that he will come talk to me eventually when I calm down and that he thinks that I am blowing a lot of stuff out of proportion and am making a lot of drama, which he can't handle. So he doesn't want to talk to me but still says he loves me and cares about me. All I want is to find a way to get back together with him. Time is not an issue, waiting is not either. One of his friends says that I need to seem independent that I don't need him so that he sees that and wants to ensue the chase again. All I know is that I love him and we have an extremely special relationship. How can I get back with him and how can I let him know that I am independent while not losing him? He is leaving for academy in 5 days. What should I do for him to realize his love again?

I'd say the direct approach.

Show up at his house (maybe with a picture of you, or something small he can carry with him - maybe a sexy one in a bathing suit) and apologize for lying to him. Don't do it dramatically.
Let him know you love him, and are psyched that the 2 of you are going to continue to grow - and that you hope that while you're apart, your love for each other continues to grow
Give him a kiss, and turn around and go.

Perhaps he'll ask you to stay - perhaps he'll not.

Additionally:
A couple thoughts run through my mind... reflecting on my own experiences of HS... I'm 39 now.

First - I hope you learned that it's never a good idea to mislead, deceive, or lie. It's more work, and ultimately it isn't good for you - let alone the others. (For you because it can start a trend... and once you've lost someone's trust, they'll always wonder if you're lying about something).

Second... it comes across to me that you're assuming he doesn't want to get back because you haven't done the right thing to 'get him back.' Think about this from another point of view... from a guys point of view, having 'broken' up allows less distractions and is less messy. Perhaps that 's his point of view.

Good luck.

JoeCanada76 · May 24, 2008, 08:36 PM

Sorry but my opinion is if you had a couple of break ups already. That this maybe should be it? Going back and forth and deciding to or not to continue is drama in itself. You also said you tend to over react on things. Relationship is a relationship. May seem to you that it will be the only one, but I do not think it will be. It is up to you in what you decide to do but the no texting and calling would be the smart move right now.

skittlefrittle · May 24, 2008, 08:43 PM

To rawsushi... idk the direct approach is kind of not going to work, he said he doesn't want to talk about it RIGHT NOW. That he would talk to me when I "calmed down" which I am, I do not want this drama at all! its between him and I yet he doesn't want to talk about it right now and he wants to just let things kind of die down first. So yeah. Other ideass

JoeCanada76 · May 24, 2008, 08:45 PM

Give him the space he needs. Simple. Let him come to you. If eventually you realize he is not coming back then it is time to just move on. Honestly.

skittlefrittle · May 24, 2008, 08:47 PM

So a big question would be should I do anything before he leaves for the academies or when he returns. I really supported him through his journey to get accepted into the seminars and its really important to him. I don't know what I should do for that just stay invisible or what.

JoeCanada76 · May 24, 2008, 08:51 PM

Do you think he would appreciate you saying at least a farewell and best wishes? You do know the guy better then me. What is your heart telling you?
I think there is that fine balance. Would he still be too out of sorts to say bye? Or is it better just avoiding before he leaves or make it worse. You need to decide which one is better.

skittlefrittle · May 24, 2008, 08:56 PM

I should at least say goodbye. I mean he still loves me apparently. I just hope we can get back together eventually. I asked him can we get back together if we so choose and he said not anytime soon. So that's not a NO...
And right now its summer vacation.
So yeah. Gah.

JoeCanada76 · May 24, 2008, 09:00 PM

Not anytime soon, tells me that he is trying to be patient and nice about it. He is giving you hints that he does not want to go back out with you. Even so he still cares for you. My opinion you should defiantly say at least goodbye but you already chose to say that.

Joe

rawsushi · May 24, 2008, 09:03 PM

As you pointed out - he's leaving in 5 days.

As you've a very compressed timeline... if I were leaving in 5 days... then if you did this:

Originally Posted by rawsushi

Show up at his house (maybe with a picture of you, or something small he can carry with him - maybe a sexy one in a bathing suit) and apologize for lying to him. Don't do it dramatically.
Let him know you love him, and are psyched that the 2 of you are going to continue to grow - and that you hope that while you're apart, your love for each other continues to grow
Give him a kiss, and turn around and go.

Perhaps he'll ask you to stay - perhaps he'll not.

Then I'd be able to COMPREHEND why you showed up. And respect your graciousness. It would feel good to know that you're NOT being dramatic. That you ARE going to miss me, and that YOU let me have the space I (may or may not) need.

As you did it and I still have 4 days, I'm more inclined to call you up and possibly:

have some FWB sex before I leave
go on a picnic - non sexual option
ask you to come help me pack up
whatever - but I've 4 days

Perhaps he's PISSED that you went over. <Shrug> well you can at least look at yourself in the mirror knowing you tried.

Be true to yourself.

skittlefrittle · May 24, 2008, 09:04 PM

So how should I go about saying goodbye?

rawsushi · May 24, 2008, 09:07 PM

1. Show up at his house (maybe with a picture of you, or something small he can carry with him - maybe a sexy one in a bathing suit) and apologize for lying to him. Don't do it dramatically.
2. Let him know you love him, and are psyched that the 2 of you are going to continue to grow - and that you hope that while you're apart, your love for each other continues to grow
3. Give him a kiss, and turn around and go.

skittlefrittle · May 24, 2008, 09:13 PM

Hm.. idk. I mean he doesn't want to talk to me. That's the big problemo. His friends say he doesn't want to talk about it. And I feeel like showing up would probably just be an awkward situation for him. And how can I say I'm psyched that we are going to grow... like where does that come from. And how does that show I am giving him the space he needs if I show up at his doorstep?
Sorry for all the questions lol. Its like question bonanza up in here.

rawsushi · May 24, 2008, 10:38 PM

Good points.

So try to bump into him in a parking lot.

But keep this in mind... in my mind's eye, the 1,2,3 happen in about 45 seconds.

Then your gone.

talaniman · May 25, 2008, 06:37 AM

Through your confusion and pain, don't overlook the obvious, for whatever reasons, he wants space, and has ended this relationship. For your part, accept it, and give your life a chance to develop by healing, and regrouping. He has been honest and clear, and you just can't ignore that by holding on to hope, or waiting for him to change his mind. It would be a mistake to wait for him, and not go after your own happiness, no matter how good of a relationship it was. I am sorry for your loss, and hope you can heal, and move forward. He has said his goodbyes, now it's up to YOU! Let it go, NOW!

bradysmama17 · May 25, 2008, 11:26 AM

Well I agree that you need to give him his space. I was in a situation like you like a year and a half ago,but we got through it, and so can you. Let him find himself, if your love is strong then you can get through anything. Just let him come after you. Don't go chasing after him. Love always finds its way back home.