He shouldn't be taking your clothing without your permission nor should he be lying. Other than that what really bothers you about his fetish?
Have you talked with him about why he likes women's underwear? Have you tried to see it from his viewpoint or have you been trying to force him to fit your ideal of how a man should dress?
If he wants to change for himself, then counseling is probably the way to go. If you want him to change, then you will only keep repeating the cycle you seem caught up in. We cannot make others change for us anymore than another person can make us change. If you and your husband cannot find a compromise, then you will have to decide which means more to you-a man you love(d) or a few pieces of clothing?
Is there any way he could help you understand his needs? Would you be willing to give him a chance? If you are, I suggest setting a boundary of you won't throw away his things if he leaves yours alone. I also suggest that you find out if it is the thought of being in women's clothing he likes or if it is the materials and fit. If it is the style and materials, then you may be able to compromise by finding men's clothing in silk, satin, etc.
If you aren't willing to compromise, then perhaps separation and divorce would be better than tearing each other apart.
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