Hi Im not sure what to think about this so some advice or direction would be greatly appreciated. this is going to be quite long so please bare with me.

Basically I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years nearly and whenever we get into one of our "sexual sessions" on the lead up to having intercourse I do alot of things for her E.g. give her massages, caress her, finger her and perform oral sex on her but recently in the past few months i've started to notice she very rarely does anything for me not even caressing and once i've done my part we get straight to intercourse.

I've asked her if for some reason she doesnt like doing sexual things for me but she just says "I dont mind doing things for you" and tells me to drop it.
To me this seems unbelievable since even after she has told me that, if i ask for her to do anything to me she tells me "I dont want to do it right now, maybe later" and believe me that "later" never comes.
so unless i keep asking and asking and hold out on the sex she wont do it even then she usually just comes out with somthing like "i dont want to have sex anymore, you've spoilt the mood"
It is also a let down that i must ask for things like bl** **** or ha** ****. otherwise i'd never get either.

I feel quite frustrated about this somtimes and it makes me feel as though she doesnt want my body unless she is going to get pleasure from it. now im not sure if its just me but i really enjoy performing things for her as it gives me a sense of satisfaction that I am making her feel good.
Is this normal or is she being selfish? or even, am i being selfish expecting this of her?


what should I do any thoughts?

innerJag

come on don't be so delusional, most women hate giving head just like most men hate eating a chick out, because the ONLY reason why women and men do it anyway is because they enjoy pleasing their partners. So, YES, most women prefer not to do it. is that worded better?


as for putting blame on him, well, that's not my intent but it starts there. if someone has a problem with another's actions they should first look at themselves then begin working outward. the guy could have a very bad smell, you don't know that, he might not even know that. so by starting with himself he can give a better evaluation on the topic. "why won't she give me head?" that question mainly deals with him and not her. he's got the problem not her. his problem is his desire to receive head. she's not in here asking why can't she give more head to him. she should be taken out of the equation until he can figure things out.

talaniman

I disagree, as there are post here that tell a very different story.

He will figure out nothing, if they don't talk about it. That's where it lies in talking and listening. If it's a matter of deodorant, he will never know, until she says something.

Synnen

I disagree. I like giving head, and so do most of the women I know who enjoy their own sexuality.

You're right....he MIGHT smell down there. But I'm betting the problem is that she's not giving back as much as she's getting.

The REAL problem here though is that she will not communicate with him WHY she will not, even though he has asked her. Sounds like the problem is her and not him, since he's at least TRYING to open communications about it.

smoothy

I agree with Synnen.....

Its simple..have him wash right before going at it.....me and my wife both always wash up before having at it. Never an issue of odor that way.

She sounds like she has issues. Could be for any number of reasons. If she won't talk all we have to go on are wild guesses.

kp2171

i absolutely promise you i do not hate giving oral on a woman who is clean, and most are. the vagina naturally cleanses itself and is actually cleaner than most mouths. i dont find it distasteful or nasty one bit concerning the physical act and ignoring the partners pleasure. while its a different issue if she is "off balance", the act itself is given a bad rap by people who perpetuate schoolyard myths. oral on a clean woman can smell and taste great. ill leave the delusional myths and bad jokes to the 5th graders and like-minded.

as for the woman going down on the man, i will agree more dont find the ejaculate pleasing in taste or smell, and that oral on the man isnt a substitute for the connection of intercourse... but you were the one that said women hate giving oral. some do. some dont. if you hate the physical act of giving oral, and are with women who hate giving it, maybe youve been with the wrong women.

but now were getting off topic.

plonak

Hey so how did it go? Did you end things? did you talk to her?

Homegirl 50

Maybe she just does not like or want to do that. That is her prerogative. The problem is that she will not discuss the matter with you, but as long as you keep giving anyway, why would she talk about it.
It sounds as though the two of you are sexually incompatible, in which case if it is that much of an issue with you, you need to leave the relationship.

Alan90

Ok, to anyone who is interested I took her out for a drive and pulled over and told her we were not leaving until she talked to me about my problem. seems a bit drastic but i felt it was the only way i could get her to talk.

after a long talk she told me the reason she takes but rarely gives is because she just cant really be bothered..

although whether this is true or not i have yet to find out she says she will make more of an effort when we have sex. ive not seen her for a week since we spoke (I fly helicopters in the army and ive been on a training exercise for the last week) i see her tomorrow so i'll see what happens.

thanks for all the advice

Homegirl 50

Well that should tell you something. She does not care about doing it, and she should not have to. If it is really important to you then you need to find someone who share the same sexual desires as you.

talaniman

Then neither should you.