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Hi Im not sure what to think about this so some advice or direction would be greatly appreciated. this is going to be quite long so please bare with me.
Basically I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years nearly and whenever we get into one of our "sexual sessions" on the lead up to having intercourse I do alot of things for her E.g. give her massages, caress her, finger her and perform oral sex on her but recently in the past few months i've started to notice she very rarely does anything for me not even caressing and once i've done my part we get straight to intercourse.
I've asked her if for some reason she doesnt like doing sexual things for me but she just says "I dont mind doing things for you" and tells me to drop it.
To me this seems unbelievable since even after she has told me that, if i ask for her to do anything to me she tells me "I dont want to do it right now, maybe later" and believe me that "later" never comes.
so unless i keep asking and asking and hold out on the sex she wont do it even then she usually just comes out with somthing like "i dont want to have sex anymore, you've spoilt the mood"
It is also a let down that i must ask for things like bl** **** or ha** ****. otherwise i'd never get either.
I feel quite frustrated about this somtimes and it makes me feel as though she doesnt want my body unless she is going to get pleasure from it. now im not sure if its just me but i really enjoy performing things for her as it gives me a sense of satisfaction that I am making her feel good.
Is this normal or is she being selfish? or even, am i being selfish expecting this of her?
Like was said....this is a sign of things to come. She will be the same way or even worse if you ever got maried. So keep that in mind. THats a very hard thing to have to deal with forever if its something important to you. I'd find someone thats a beter match to you. Not everyone is perfect for just anyone. There are women out there that are not as selfish and its best to find one of them. True mutual and natural compatability would make for a far beter relationship/ marriage.
Your probably right. I spoke to her last night and she really didnt want to talk about it and changed the subject.. I think im going to have to sort myself out and probably end it with her. thanks for the advice.
youve probably made your decision, just supporting the peanut gallery.
it isnt unreasonable for her to want, even need, those things to be sexually charged. while i try to be a giving lover, i also practice sensual touch with my partner because im selfish and i like the results. i know that the time spent sensitizing her skin and letting the tension build is going to pay off for both of us. im more likely to be able to please her, help her reach orgasm, and shes better prepared to receive me, and shes all for quid pro quo... something for something. you dont need to keep score but when one partner is happy, the other should be getting theirs too. at least overall there should be balance.
so her asking for whats shes asking is normal and i think its great you do it. i hope any bad experience with her doesnt jade you with other lovers, because building that sensual tension is simply a great way to have a healthy sex life.
that she doesnt reciprocate AND is unwilling to talk about it is a real problem. people might have hangups. there might be issues from her past. sounds to me like there is clearly something blocking her... you said she wont try 69. well... thats fine. people should not do things they dont want to sexually... but she should at least talk to you about what she likes and doesnt like.
so... youve been a giving lover who has tried to open communication about sex and you are being denied both in the bed and in the head. you have nothing to feel bad about.
just dont come away from this feeling like youve done anything wrong by spending time on her needs. you just didnt get a fair return. too bad for her that she doesnt get it.
No communications, no relationships. Its one thing to be frustrated sexually, but quite another not being able to talk about it. Just me I'm out of there, and no hard feelings.
Hi Im not sure what to think about this so some advice or direction would be greatly appreciated. this is going to be quite long so please bare with me.
Basically I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years nearly and whenever we get into one of our "sexual sessions" on the lead up to having intercourse I do alot of things for her E.g. give her massages, caress her, finger her and perform oral sex on her but recently in the past few months i've started to notice she very rarely does anything for me not even caressing and once i've done my part we get straight to intercourse.
I've asked her if for some reason she doesnt like doing sexual things for me but she just says "I dont mind doing things for you" and tells me to drop it.
To me this seems unbelievable since even after she has told me that, if i ask for her to do anything to me she tells me "I dont want to do it right now, maybe later" and believe me that "later" never comes.
so unless i keep asking and asking and hold out on the sex she wont do it even then she usually just comes out with somthing like "i dont want to have sex anymore, you've spoilt the mood"
It is also a let down that i must ask for things like bl** **** or ha** ****. otherwise i'd never get either.
I feel quite frustrated about this somtimes and it makes me feel as though she doesnt want my body unless she is going to get pleasure from it. now im not sure if its just me but i really enjoy performing things for her as it gives me a sense of satisfaction that I am making her feel good.
Is this normal or is she being selfish? or even, am i being selfish expecting this of her?
what should I do any thoughts?
several things, 1. she's probably just not a giver, 2. you smell down there, 3. you're not asking the right way, 4. she hates giving head (which most women do), 5. something could have happened to her in the past, 6. refusing sex to her was a very bad idea and she's probably still pissed off at you. i can't think of anymore but it could be one of those things.
several things, 1. she's probably just not a giver, 2. you smell down there, 3. you're not asking the right way, 4. she hates giving head (which most women do), 5. something could have happened to her in the past, 6. refusing sex to her was a very bad idea and she's probably still pissed off at you. i can't think of anymore but it could be one of those things.
dont say most women hate giving oral. from posts here at AMHD, about half like it, half hate it. and my experience is a woman better enjoys giving head if she gets it first.
way to put ALL the blame on him. really? hes a pr!ck because he spends time on her and she wont do right by him???
mkay. guess hes the jerk who cares so much he takes care of her and then asks for something in return. man... what an arse!!!!!! the nerve of the guy....
I agre with some of the past postings. Ur g/f is ev selfish or something must have happen to her sexual in the past but if she is not willing to talk about ut how are you to know? If you contine to stay with her u might cheat since you feels your needs are not being meet sexually, while hers are. The biggest factor in a relationship is commuication, trust, and sex.
You tried everything but she wont open up and if ahe been with you for 3 years she should feel comfortable and open to talk to you. If you marry her the problem wont go away and it will be hard to get out of. Sometimes when u love someone you have to let them go and if its meet to be it will come back. I mean how many time is this subject is going be 1jected by her when its hurting you. believe me this can lead to cheating and if you love her that will hurt more than breaking it off.
dont say most women hate giving oral. from posts here at AMHD, about half like it, half hate it. and my experience is a woman better enjoys giving head if she gets it first.
way to put ALL the blame on him. really? hes a pr!ck because he spends time on her and she wont do right by him???
mkay. guess hes the jerk who cares so much he takes care of her and then asks for something in return. man... what an arse!!!!!! the nerve of the guy....
I'll agree, she has the right to refuse to do it, and as a result he has the right to find another woman that likes it. He doesn't have the right to demand she do it....and she doesn't have the right to demand he stay with her and do without. Life is a two way street. Best to find a partner (this applies to both men and women) whos temperment and likes more closely match your own. Lifes to short to spend it with people who can't or won't fullfill each others wants and needs when there are people out that that can and will.
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