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I'm married but live over a thousand miles from my wife, due to work. Even when i'm around her once or twice a year we never have sex. I have had sex with my wife about 5 times over the last 3 years. I have never cheated on her, but I want to have sex really bad. Please give me your suggestions on what I should do?
well you need to start with honest, open communication. have you talked about this at all?
im not going to knock your living choice... but id guess she feels distant emotionally... and couple that with a lack of opportunity for sex if shes faithful, and the mind can just "shut down" concerning sex as a coping mechanism... meaning in periods when i wasnt dating, and the possibility of sex just wasnt there, mentally id actually have a decreased libido... the minds way of shutting out what it cant have. now... once the possibility came around again, the floodgates opened and it was kid-in-a-candy-store stuff.
i hate to generalize when talking about men vs women, because theres always exceptions. i dated a girl, for ex, who was more like a "typical guy" concerning sex, the stereotypical maniac whod jump at any chance to steal away. but all that said... i think sometimes women and men come at sex from opposite sides...
men can seek physical contact to reinforce and drive the emotional side... i know if my partner is distant or sexually absent, i feel it physically, but also the emotional side gets going hard. my wife comes at it from the other angle... when things are going well emotionally, when stress is low, shes more apt to be in the mood for sexual fun. im not saying all men are one way and all women are another... Lord knows we get enough posts about women who are a little sex crazy and men who could care less about it.
but... if shes feeling distance emotionally, its likely playing a huge role in the bedroom. "issues" in the bedroom that dont involve the act itself (such as trying to find what works for a person) are often issues that arent in the bedroom at all... its a problem outside the bedroom thats the cause. lack of sex is just the symptom.
so... first thing is first. you have to talk to your wife about this... sex and the marriage overall. im hoping she has things to say and im hoping you can talk to her without being accusing or angry. if you want your marriage to be lasting, you need to understand reality from both sides.
time to talk.
if you have more info we need to know, please post.
You are virtural strangers! Good women are not that interested in having sex under these conditions. You are going to have to bring her beautiful, *expensive* gifts when you come into town....take her out to fine restaurants....wine and dine her, bring flowers and candy....make her feel like a queen.
You have to be *realistic* about a marriage conducted under the conditions you both have accepted.
first why has she also not moved to where you work ?
why did you take the job far away from her to start with ?
and if she has a carrer where she is, why do you not move back.
If you really love someone, nothing, and I mean nothing will keep you apart. So a person in real love would be on the first plane back to live with and be with the person they love
You are virtural strangers! Good women are not that interested in having sex under these conditions. You are going to have to bring her beautiful, *expensive* gifts when you come into town....take her out to fine restaurants....wine and dine her, bring flowers and candy....make her feel like a queen.
You have to be *realistic* about a marriage conducted under the conditions you both have accepted.
I don't agree with Choux here, because that seems like buying sex/love to me.
However---with today's technology, there is absolutely no reason you can't stay intimately connected on a daily basis.
Send sweet emails or texts saying you're thinking of her. Have phone conversations about the things you miss about her. Find a way to turn her on in her MIND before you even get home.
LISTEN to her--she may be telling you why she doesn't feel that connection with you, enough to want to be intimate with you. Work on being close, being intimate OUTSIDE the bedroom or you'll never get close IN the bedroom.
One of you has to make a sacrifice and get a job near where the other works.
There is really no excuse to be living in opposite sides of the country.
Synnen is right, there are cheap ways to maintain frequent contact.
Long distance relationships never work out for long. Its not much of a marriage if you both care more about your careers than your marriage. Otherwise you would be living together.
And yes consider the fact that appart you are effectively maintaining two households rather than one. That costs far more reducing the excuses for staying appart.
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