Hi...
New poster but serious question. Well.. yeah, anyway. My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship for a few years. Whenever we met up with each other, we never stopped having sex. We did it all the time. Whenever I didn't feel like it, he would try and persuade me by saying that he showed his affection and emotion through sex. If felt that if it was that important to him, we should do it.
Now we're living together and since he moved in, he's been wanting to have sex less and less. First it was three times a week. Then once a week. Then once every two weeks. Now it's once a month and the sex only lasts for a few minutes. He seems fine with this. We've talked and argued and nearly broken up about it. I'm very unhappy. I've asked if it's because I'm too fat or if it's because he regrets moving here. Or if it's because of some issue he's never discussed before. He just says it's because he had to go so long without having regular sex that it's just not imporatant anymore. Which seems like a cop out to me, but now when I bring it up, he gets insulted and hurt. I'm at my wits end. He won't touch me, he won't be intimate. He says he loves me. I'm not seeing it.
I don't know what to do.

educatedhorse_2005

Maybe he is cheating on you.
How old is he maybe he just doesn't fill like it right now.
People do have cycles they go through when it comes to sex.

There are a lot of things to look at when it comes to sex.
But both parties have to be willing to discuss it.
You need to sit down and have a rational discussion.

It can not turn into an argument.
Or you will not accomplish anything.
If he is not willing to do this I would think that he is cheating.

charlie123

I hope I'm wrong - but it sounds like he might be cheating on you. Most men want it all of the time. Or - there could be something wrong with him medically. Either way something is not right.

And your worries about being too fat are not rational. We all have ups and downs with our weight - and when someone really loves us - they don't care about things like that. So, if you get anything out of this forum - get that you are beautiful & deserve for someone to show you affection.

If I were you I would sit him down & have a heart to heart talk & tell him specifically what you are worried about. Tell him that once a month just doesn't work for you. If you are convinced that he is not cheating on you - maybe try to put sexy notes in his lunch or pocket when he goes to work - wear sexy lingerie, etc. Try to spice it up. If he doesn't respond & he is against going & seeing a doctor - then I probably would not stay in the relationship. I know that's probably not what you want to hear - but if there is not anything wrong with him medically - then I would be very worried.

Good Luck & may God guide you to do what makes you happy.

extremely_shy_girl

I saw your post and felt I had to reply. I kind of know what you are going through. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months now. We met online and he ended up moving from California to Washington to live with me. At first we took it slow, then had sex quite often. It was fun and new. Now, I'm lucky to get sex once a week.

I've tried to tell him how I feel, but, I don't know that it's really getting through to him. I've tried to explain how I feel and yet I'm unable to really come out and say how I truly feel about it. He has said that he feels that waiting long periods between sex makes it better when we do finally have sex.

I've told him that I've felt sexually frustrated and he just doesn't say anything. I don't know what to do. I love everything about him except for this. I've run through the gamit of emotions and thoughts of it being my fault. But, I don't think it is my fault, or yours. He says he loves me, but I NEED the affection and love. I need him to SHOW me. I feel guilty when he tells me that sex isn't everything. But, damn if it ain't important in a relationship. I feel unhappy alot and I dont know what to do.

I guess this lengthy post is just to say, I know how you feel. Good luck and if you find out a way to fix this kink in your relationship, please let me know!

DELI WITH A K

This is exactly what I am going through now with my boyfriend. We have been together for a year, and it wasn't til now, that this has became a huge problem for us. We have been fighting for months now. One thing I can say to keep me from thinking he's cheating, is that in the beginning of our relationship, he never pressed me for sex like other men that I've dated in the past. I was always warned to watch out for men who were sex maniacs, because most likely if they hound you for sex all the time, then they are hounding someone else for it when they can't get it from you.
Anyways, whenever the situation comes up, his answer is because he works so hard (in which he does), and sex is one of the last things he thinks about when he comes home so tired. He also mentioned to me that us living together plays a big part in him not having a huge hunger in having sex with me, because though he loves me just the same as I do, he doesn't miss me. We began having a lot of sex again when he went away for a week. But then again, a few weeks later, it went right back to once or twice a month. Whatever the case may be, its hurting me and I'm sure you feel just the same. It makes me feel as if my life (wants, needs, and/or desires) or not as important as his. And that is not fair. Its hard not to say anything, but its just as hard when I do say something, because when we finally have sex, its not passionate. Its like he's doing me a favor, and I know he can't feel good, because I know he's thinking of all my bickering about the topic. No one wins!

Another assumption of mines is that he can possibly be gay. I know its a little out there, but this is New York and this is the year 2006. We have all heard of men married with children, and being gay.
I love him dearly. If I didn't love him so much, I woudn't give a damn, dump his , and move to the next.

None of which I am saying is to hurt you or give you reasons to break up. Honestly its just so you can realize that you are not the only woman who is going through this kind of relationship turmoil. A suggestion I can give you is to leave it alone for a little bit. Take up some other personal activities to keep your mind busy. Also, if you guys communication level is good, you may want to ask if some of my personal assumptions with my boyfriend, could possibly be the problem. However, if you choose to discuss the sexuality preference, be very sensitive. A man's pride is just as delicate as a woman's heart.

God bless and Good luck

xfallenangel666x

I know ALL about what you're going through. My fiance and I have been together for over seven months. It used to be that when we're together, we had sex every night (and sometimes twice a day). Now, I'm lucky to get sex three times a week. It hurts me, and it makes me sexually frustrated, and masturbating just DOESN'T do it for me because it's not the same as sharing the experience with the one you love. I can't talk to him about it because he doesn't listen, tries to ignore the issue. Just wanna say hang in there and I know how you feel.

nadyatk

ask him wether he's up to an 'open relationship'. I bet he'll be quite shocked and will be against the idea of you having sex with smb else- might even bring the spark back. Or ask him 'would you rather we stayed friends and not lovers'. I ask my boyfriend this every now and then too . That would make him not take your relationship for granted and put some more effort into keeping it interresting and exciting not just comfortable.

pinacolada

I have been with my guy for a little over 5 months now. He has been divorced for several years and I am a widow. First he waited a long time for me to be ready since I was still grieving but the sex was very hot and heavy. It now is about once a week but he still shows so much affection by his actions toward me. We talked a little about it and its just that we were both sex starved and now we are getting more comfortable with each other and not feeling the need to connect primarily through sex. I think this is perfectly normal and not something you should get upset over. I am so happy to have a great guy that cares about me. Of course I wish he would tell me he loves me but he shows it in so many ways and I'll just be happy with that for now.

aidola

all that i cud tell ya is that, there's a time for everything... couples don't always have the hots at the same time... open communication is always best to solve your problem but keep in mind that changes happen when 2 people live in together. as discussed above by few caring members, they were all flaming hot before living in together and i guess that's becuz of the circumstances you all guys were in. distance always makes the heart grow fonder as the saying goes; likewise, your sex life will have seasons... don't expect the same thing everyday; ask your partner if there is any aspect in his life that you can help him with rather than moaning and assuming something else, after all, your life two-gether is not all about sex, for all you know there might be something else you need to focus on or at least give a little bit of your time rather than your need for sex. for sure though it will come to pass. hang on there and keep hoping for the best.

gyratingjello

Hello,
I am a new poster - just stumbled upon this site while sitting at my computer, crying, while my boyfriend of 1yr11mths is sleeping. The last time we were intimate was New Years - if not before then. This has been an ongoing issue for us, and actually thought we had the intimate issues sorted out - he felt that fooling around had to lead to intercourse and he wants to wait until we get married before we have intercourse again - hey no problem, I can handle that. What I can't handle is that it has been almost 2mths since we've fooled around, or held each other in bed, or passionately kissed. We've gotten into fights over this and i'm the one who ends up crying and he - sleeps. I feel like I have to ask for it in advance, so last week I did just that -asked. Of course he said 'yes please'. So today, I put all my stuff on hold to do stuff for him, and I cooked a romantic, candle light belated Valentines Dinner - it turned out great. He suggested we go to the movies, and that was a good time too. We came home, drank some coffee and went upstairs. I laid down, and he watched TV. And hour or so later he turned the TV off, and went to bed. Another night without any intimacy. I just don't get it. I'd like to think I am more important then a stupid TV show, and considering we've been 'fighting' over this for several weeks now, he'd want to do something about it.
I get so angry and frustrated that I can't even be in bed with him while i'm wide awake and he's breathing deeply into a sound sleep. Like i've said before we've talked about this - he knows how I feel. And as someone else mentioned in a previous post - somethign along the lines of not wanting to 'do it yourself' when he does it better. If I try to do it myself, I feel guilty and angry and wish I didn't have to resort to it.

Thanks for letting me ramble on. I'm a 31yr old woman, he's 35. We've lived together for a year and a bit and we spend most of our time together (so I know he's not cheating, nor is he gay)

I'm not gonna say hang in there - coz it's hard, and I struggle with it myself. I try to tell myself it will eventually get better, but somehow, I don't think it wever will.

Hating to sleep in a cold bed.....Joanne