Hi,

I'm 28 years old and I haven't have any kind of sex for years, really long time, and I really mean not of any kind, no touching, nothing,.

Now I'm seeing a girl, not my girlfriend yet but we see each other.
We did have some sex but didn't work out very well each time, sometime I lose my erection when it time to penetrate.

I think it's because I didn't have a lot of sex in my life so I need a period to get use to it to, to have sex again in my life.
And also because I put a lot of pressure on myself for her.

She is really into sex and like a lot of things.
And she's angy when it happen, we still see each other but she said she want to put a hold on sex...

I do like her and I want her in every way it mean.
I'm just afraid I never have sex again with her, that she leave before she want sex again with me or decide it won't work and just be friend... :(
That I will miss something there because of that problem that get me angry because I don't want that I want to have sex with her but something sometime make me lost my erection and don't know why...

Help please
Thank you

Sounds like classic Performance Anxiety on your behalf.
You are over analysing the situation rather than relaxing and going with the flow.

The first times with any partner tend to suck a little. As CurlyBen said, it is just performance anxiety. It will go away, you just need to relax and accept what happens. Remember there is a lot that can happen during sex that doesn't involve a penis in a vagina. Have more fun with foreplay and get used to having sexy times with a woman.

Did you masturbate during your drought?

Yes I did masturbate, and still do because like I said she put an hold on sex... :(
And I mostly see her on weekends.

I totally recommend masturbation, but then again, I'm female. Female masturbation is very different from male masturbation.

With females, masturbating usually gets us off, makes us reach orgasm. But orgasm isn't as important to mature women as it is to men. At least not during actual sex.

When you masturbate you can control the pressure, the grip, the thrust, you control everything that gets you off. A hand is very different from a vagina. Faced with the real thing, many men can't maintain an erection after years of masturbating, because the sensation isn't the same.

It sounds like you're too familiar with your tight hand, and your technique, and that's why you can't maintain an erection when you're faced with the real thing.

How old are you? How old is she?

I'm 28 and she's 23

Part of the issue may be your current choice of partners. How long have you known her and how long have you been trying to have sex?

Her attitude doesn't seem to be helping. Getting angry is not going to help you work through this. If she can't be understanding and supportive, then she is part of the problem.

I agree that you may be too familiar with the feel of your hand, however, I think the mental pressure you are putting on yourself and that she is putting on you is causing your body to respond negatively to intercourse with her. It may have started out as an issue with the change from alone to partner, but the memory of her getting angry is probably in the back of your mind distracting you from enjoying the moment.

You may also be the type of person who needs an emotional connection along with the physical contact. Though she isn't your girlfriend, are there an emotionally and mentally compatible components to your relationship? It may be that your body is telling you that being friends is more realistic than expecting a full romantic relationship.

Talk to her about the issues you are having and work together to figure out ways to get through it without pressure and anger. If you can't discuss this, then perhaps she isn't the person you want her to be.

Stop masturbating for a while, or do other thing instead. You are way to fixated on gratification to focus on the choices of partners. Her angry reaction is a big red flag of a lack of empathy, caring, and maturity. Just me, I wouldn't even be seeing someone with this lack of empathy in such a sensitive area.

However you have to do your own common sense part in this drama, and recognize and understand your own motives for putting up with such crap, and I think its your own desperation to end a drought. Its YOU that makes yourself a victim of performance anxiety, and deep down you know that this partner is not helpful to that, nor will it get better until you lose the desperate irrational notion that she will be. Facts say otherwise, and another fact to face is YOUR own fear that your performance in the bedroom, or lack of it will make this fail.

Its already failed, and you really need to stop following what the little head is telling you. This indicates letting your lusts take over by slowing down your need/want to masturbate as often, and let more basic activities guide you to building up your emotional courage self esteem, dignity and self respect. Clearly most of the pressure to perform comes from you, but she isn't the one because you may never match her needs for sex, and she may never match your need for sympathy and intimacy, and touching. Disappointment all around, and not good for fun, and romance, or sex. ESPECIALLY on the weekends.

Sorry guy, I just think you bow out gracefully while you work on your issues and deal with your "drought" in healthier ways. You shouldn't have to force it, or let it cause you misery, or anxiety. Lets also note your way doesn't work, so consider changes and adjustments to your own behavior that will change your thinking for the better.