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    Lucky098's Avatar
    Lucky098 Posts: 2,594, Reputation: 543
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    #1

    Apr 2, 2011, 09:09 PM
    Sex Issues
    Hello everyone :D

    I have a question that is literally not about me. It is my friend, seriously. She keeps asking me why, and quite honestly, I just don't have any answers for her.

    Her fiancé, is a 10-second wonder. She is getting very frustrated and upset. He can't last long at all. Shows no interest in her sexually.

    She has tried extenze, but didn't work. She and I went to the toy store to get something he has to wear, but I guess he refuses to wear it. Condoms don't work either, he still doesn't last.

    I advised her to maybe see a sex therapist, not sure if she brought it up to her hubby-to-be. She has told me she has considered cheating on him, but won't do it because she values her relationship with him more then just sex. I don't think this problem will make or break them, but you never know. She has a good head on her shoulders, but I think her frustration comes out more then rationality.

    I don't know what to tell her. I don't know anyone with these problems (or at least no one has talked to me about these problems) so I don't know what I should tell her? Or if there is something more out there that can help these two.

    Thanks!
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Apr 3, 2011, 04:46 AM

    I would say a trip to his GP and a referral to an urologist could help; if he is willing to do anything to help.

    Tick
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #3

    Apr 3, 2011, 10:45 AM

    He needs a complete physical. The bands can be very dangerous. I've heard horror stories.

    This has been posted before. One of the suggestions has been for the man to masturbate before intercourse.

    I hate it when friends come to me with this type of personal problem.

    I would be concerned that he has no sexual interest in her; she is considering having an affair. Otherwise she loves him. As far as sex not being #1 in their relationship it's high in the numbers if she's considering cheating on him.

    Something else is going on here, particularly if his "behavior" is something new in their relationship.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #4

    Apr 3, 2011, 01:35 PM

    Medical exam is the first thing he needs. It sounds like a larger problem than his 'staying ability' if he is not showing any interest in her sexually.

    Does he show any interest in finding out what is going on or is she the only one looking for answers? Are they communicating at all about the issue? As much as blowing off steam to a friend can help relieve pressure, it doesn't really help if they can't communicate or work together.

    Is there any way you could get her to make an account and ask her own question? It might take some pressure to answer her questions off you and being able to get the facts from her might help her get more accurate advice.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
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    #5

    Apr 3, 2011, 03:33 PM

    Word up to everyone who said go to the doctor. That should be his very first step. Also he is probably very embarrassed and that could be why he isn't so interested. What is the use if he doesn't last?

    I used have issues with PE. I found masturbating before helpful. If I didn't do that then sex was a three step process, I get off, I get her off, then I get off again. It was on the second time around that I would last a whole lot long.

    There is also the mental interruption. His mind is probably completely on the process and he needs to calm down the sensations. Which means Stopping, not moving, and thinking of the queen... er England. Baseball stats work too, high school math as well. The key is to get the mind off the sensations. That will calm him down. She has to be complicit in this as well.

    There is the Numbing condoms as well. I haven't tried those. I worked through my problem. Thicker condoms. Make sure he has the right size as well. Cock rings might work. If you're going to do condoms, put it on before you start the foreplay, let him get used to it before he puts it in. I often found that the condom would get me off at times.

    Lastly, This is the most questionable of them all, get him to masturbate in general. In the morning, or before bed, or whenever. Get him to get off. As well get him to bring himself to the bring and then hold off. Mental exercise to bring himself down. Let him do this privately. Essentially get him to blue-ball himself and then get off.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #6

    Apr 3, 2011, 04:16 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by CravenMorhead View Post
    Word up to everyone who said go to the doctor. That should be his very first step. Also he is probably very embarrassed and that could be why he isn't so interested. What is the use if he doesn't last?.

    I can't decide if this means you are for the "see a Physician" advice or against the "see a Physician advice."

    I will add I know of some really bad injuries from cock rings - I assumed that would be blanked out... but surprise! Nothing to be used without careful consideration. I'm sure some are better than others.

    I'm sure part of the embarrassment is his sense that his fiancé is upset. I have no idea if he knows she's discussing this problem with third parties but if she does... I see death throes for this relationship.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #7

    Apr 3, 2011, 05:54 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Cat1864 View Post

    Is there any way you could get her to make an account and ask her own question? It might take some pressure to answer her questions off of you and being able to get the facts from her might help her get more accurate advice.
    I totally agree with this; I don't exactly go a long with a third party wanting to get information for a friend (no offense lucky). It is much more credible if the first party would just get on here and find out for herself. I mean how is she going to go back to her s/o and all of sudden say, gee harry, guess what I found out! Wouldn't he wonder who she has been talking to about his issue.

    Tick
    Lucky098's Avatar
    Lucky098 Posts: 2,594, Reputation: 543
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    #8

    Apr 3, 2011, 09:30 PM

    I don't think she is too embarrassed about this situation. I haven't known her very long and she started to confide in me and another girl we go to school with about this problem.

    I have talked to her about her and him, or maybe just him going to the doctor for this. We also talked to the porn shop lady about things that will help him. She suggested a pill or a spray. I said to get the spray. She said the only time they have good sex is if he is obliterated drunk. The toy she got was a cock ring/vib toy. He threw that idea out the window before he even tried it.

    I talked to her about this and told her that he is probably having problems because of the pressure of him having to preform.I suggested as well to do lots of foreplay and make him stop mid stream.. Nothing works. I guess her only choice is the doc... and if he doesn't want to go, the problem will never be solved.

    I don't normally ask questions for my friends.. she isn't big on computer stuff, she barely is on Facebook. Just thought I could find some answers that maybe she hasn't tried. Thank you all for your advise.. It is very much appreciated :)
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
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    #9

    Apr 4, 2011, 07:56 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    I can't decide if this means you are for the "see a Physician" advice or against the "see a Physician advice."

    I will add I know of some really bad injuries from cock rings - I assumed that would be blanked out ... but surprise! Nothing to be used without careful consideration. I'm sure some are better than others.

    I'm sure part of the embarrassment is his sense that his fiance is upset. I have no idea if he knows she's discussing this problem with third parties but if she does ... I see death throes for this relationship.
    I am up for it. I am always behind that. A good amount of the questions here are from people that need medical help but are afraid/embarrassed to seek it. Rather then confront people in a real way they will ask essentially anonymously in online forum. So seeing a doctor is on my list of things most people should do. I am sorry if I was unclear on that. :-)

    I am not sure if there are death throes, but it is in jeopardy.
    Lucky098's Avatar
    Lucky098 Posts: 2,594, Reputation: 543
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    #10

    Apr 4, 2011, 10:09 PM

    What door closing?
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #11

    Apr 4, 2011, 10:26 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Lucky098 View Post
    What door closing?
    I think Judy means, the door closing on the relationship.

    Tick
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #12

    Apr 5, 2011, 04:35 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Lucky098 View Post
    I dont think she is too embarassed about this situation. I havent known her very long and she started to confide in me and another girl we go to school with about this problem.
    Lucky, I am going to admit that this is raising a red flag for me. Could she be exaggerating the issue as a way to 'make friends' or to become 'closer'?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #13

    Apr 5, 2011, 05:21 AM

    How old is he? 17 or 77? The advice will be different based on his age.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #14

    Apr 5, 2011, 06:51 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Lucky098 View Post
    What door closing?

    This is a lot like superior knowledge, another phrase unfamiliar to you. It means the door is closing on the relationship.

    - a door slammed in your face.
    Lucky098's Avatar
    Lucky098 Posts: 2,594, Reputation: 543
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    #15

    Apr 5, 2011, 07:59 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    This is a lot like superior knowledge, another phrase unfamiliar to you. It means the door is closing on the relationship.

    - a door slammed in your face.
    Thank you for clearing that up for me Judy... :rolleyes:

    He is 24 years old.

    Please don't read into this much more then needed. She and I are friends, we connected rather quickly and I guess she felt comfortable enough to talk to me about something in her life that concerns her. I was just trying to help her out. I spoke with her about him going to the doctor to figure it out. Whether she is going to do it or even talk to him I don't know, we're out of class at the moment and are both interning 40 hours a week. Plus,she lives on the other side of the mountain from me.

    Just curious if there was a different solution out there that I didn't think about.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #16

    Apr 6, 2011, 08:12 AM

    Read it over to see if there's any other advice - I read that SHE went to the sex toy shop; SHE bought a "penile ring."

    What's he doing to rectify the situation? Does he WANT it to change?
    Lucky098's Avatar
    Lucky098 Posts: 2,594, Reputation: 543
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    #17

    Apr 6, 2011, 04:40 PM

    Judy.. To be honest, I think he has given up. They have been together for 5 years and she said its been a problem the entire time. She says he avoids the topic and if it is brought up, it turns into a disagreement and she gets upset with him.

    I don't think this is going to resolves without a trip to the doctor. She's either going to have to get more aggressive with her push for him to go, or give up and deal with it. I just hope that they both work on this issue... seems like they have a good, solid relationship otherwise.. And yes, I realize that she spoke of the cheating thing.. But I think that is frustration more then anything. She has a good head on her shoulders and doesn't do knee-jerk reactions. I just hope they work it out.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #18

    Apr 6, 2011, 05:32 PM

    Sounds like she's the only one working on the relationship and no wonder she's frustrated.

    She can't MAKE him see a Physician so I guess she waits for a change... or walks away.
    Lucky098's Avatar
    Lucky098 Posts: 2,594, Reputation: 543
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    #19

    Apr 7, 2011, 04:02 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Sounds like she's the only one working on the relationship and no wonder she's frustrated.

    She can't MAKE him see a Physician so I guess she waits for a change ... or walks away.
    I agree. I think she is the only one wanting to find out why and make some changes when it comes to that.

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