I was involved with a man for 15 years. My new boyfriend doesn't like the fact that we are trying to remain friends. Is it wrong of me to still speak to the Ex.?

My next Q is: This is in response to answers. I have asked my boyfriend what his problem was before...he said he was under too much stress and i was making it worse by bugging him about it. He told me to relax...that things would be better when he got his stress issues dealt with.
Am i not supposed to be able to take his mind of his worries? I don't understand why i can't take his mind off of his problems?

nottheonlycluelesstexan

Maxim,
To your first question: Of course there is nothing wrong with talking to an ex. if he truly is an ex and you guys arent trying to turn it into anything more. You need to respect that your new boyfriend may feel insecure about it. My personal rule of thumb for these things is to remember not to have conversations or contact with your ex that you would never have in front of your present guy. If whatever you guys talk about could not be spoken of in front of the new guy then you need to either re-adjust the friendship or leave it alone entirely. True friends don't mind keeping things clean if they respect your new relationships. If you guys have to hide to be friends, things are not good!

To your second question: Thats just men! Its the way they tend to handle their issues. Women talk things out and look to friends and vent. Most men are just not built that way. I would recommend doing what your BF asks and stepping back until he comes to you regarding his issues. It's nothing personal against YOU so dont feel responsible for fixing it. If he says things will be better when he handles his business, trust him that it will. If things dont get better you just have to decide if you want to stay or not. Thats pretty much as far as you can go yourself.
Good luck!

Krs

There is no law stating you cannot speak to your ex. 15 years is a long time, so this man spent a large amount of time in your life. However, your current boyfriend should always come first.
There are also ways and means of how you are speakin to your ex, is it a daily thing, weekly. etc.

Re: your second question, i must admit your previous answer is great

InSearchOfAnswers

Im speaking from his POV - he is probably stressing his conflict: he doesnt want to come across as a controlling BF, but he doesnt like the contact with the ex ... the two cant coexist is some situations.


A lot of times i use the same excuse - "im tired ... ive got a lot on my mind" etc and its just a ploy for me to buy time so I can try and work the issue out on my own.

My current probelm is that my GF lost her virginity to date rape, and i am trying to understand this concept/how this happened (see my questions for more info), how she has/hasnt recovered, and why she keeps the lines of communications open with her exes, even though a few were just "f-buddies" from what i can tell

If she ever has a problem - me contacting my exes for example (shes cool with that, ironically) - I would solve it or at least try to help ... make some kind of an effort or notion that 'i understand, i care, this is what im going to do to show you i feel your pain' ... she has yet to do this, so the problem never really gets solved ... we just put a band aid on it.

I only tell you all of this b/c i think i can relate to your BFs situation ... it may make him feel like less of a man to admit he feels like hes already shared you physically, and now hes sharing you emotionally ...

Hope this helps