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I have had this on my mind for quit some time and I need some advice
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and the sex has always been great. Lately though, it seems as if he doesn't want to make the effort to turn me on anymore.
One night, we were getting quit intimate and things were going well. Before we were actually going to 'do it' I told him I wasn't wet so we needed some more foreplay. He replies 'It takes to long' and so we never ended up doing it.
After that, I have been so upset wondering why he would say something like this? What does this mean?
I'd let him know (because I'm catty like that, and because it would work in MY relationship--no guarantees for anyone else) the next time he asked for a BJ that "it takes too long".
Relationships, and the sex within them, are give and take. If that was a one-time thing, then great! Maybe he was just tired!
If, however, that's his normal idea--tell him to take a hike.
selfish and ignorant of the physical role that foreplay has in the female... it isnt just "mental play"...
foreplay with arousal directs blood to your pelvic region, it excites nerves, it sensitizes your skin (your biggest errogenous zone) engorges erectile tissues (such as at the "g spot") and throughout the cl!toral complex, makes your breasts swell, releases chemicals and hormones that excite you, and even causes the vagina to change shape in preparation for receiving the male...
in short.. hes being a lazy lover.
ive posted over and over i think getting the woman off to orgasm or close with oral and/or other foreplay stim is always worth the time spent. many women get off more often with oral compared to intercourse, and even if you dont go to completion, you are better lubricated and physically/mentally in the moment.
he is all screwed up, and isnt seeing foreplay as a part of making love. sure... sometimes a "quickie" is fantastic... but it shouldnt be the norm, and i think hes really missing the beauty of experiencing what it feels like to watch your lover become more and more aroused. if seeing your skin flush and your breathing shorten is too much to ask, then he knows where the bathroom and the paper towels are.
i love giving foreplay, not because im a saint... but because it benefits me too. my lover is satisfied, better lubricated, and mentally in the moment. thats a win-win.
wait wait wait...is he lazy? yes. get rid of him..? not so sure.
I SORTA feel for this guy as sometimes, when a girl wants to really get into it, I'm just SO tired that I just can't but because the girl will insist, I will try...
After 4 classes (830am - 4pm) and then work (6pm - 10pm)...and then not to mention papers + tests, somedays, all I want to do is just cuddle up, watch a movie, and then pass out.
maybe he's having a rough week? talk to him...and if his act doesn't change, then yes...consider kicking him to the curb, but sometimes, give him a break every now and then.
anything changed? hows his health? mental state? depressed? physically active? is he distant? tired? etc...
lots of things can tie to libido... sounds like you are starting it all, then not getting "yours"... is that true... that he isnt initiating and then isnt satisfying you?
wait wait wait...is he lazy? yes. get rid of him..? not so sure.
I SORTA feel for this guy as sometimes, when a girl wants to really get into it, I'm just SO tired that I just can't but because the girl will insist, I will try...
After 4 classes (830am - 4pm) and then work (6pm - 10pm)...and then not to mention papers + tests, somedays, all I want to do is just cuddle up, watch a movie, and then pass out.
maybe he's having a rough week? talk to him...and if his act doesn't change, then yes...consider kicking him to the curb, but sometimes, give him a break every now and then.
I work 40 hrs a week, 8-5, tired as hell every night but still want some lovin! As part of making a relationship work, you got to find time to be intimate. The only real time we have together, aside from our busy lives is the week end.
I have given him a break every now and then by not initiating sex at all because I do respect the fact that he isn't up for it. When he wants it, I'll give it. I'll give all myself infact. Every arousing pin point on him, I'll fire up. BUT anytime I want it, the effort level has dropped and thus resulting in disapointment. Sometimes when we haven't seen eachother for a couple of days, I have no problem with how long it takes to arouse me because by then, I'm already there.
I LOVE foreplay and consider it one of the parts of making love. If I am not physically and emotionally aroused, then how am I going to be able to enjoy myself, much less please him?
the grind of life doesnt lend itself well to great sex, at least not always. stress can kill a libido.
but that doesnt mean you shouldnt seek quality time together.
what about his habits sexually? is he more of a morning or night person?
he is acting selfish, but im not willing to call him a lost cause. he just might be in a rut. that said, you also shouldnt be doing all the "heavy lifting" in the bedroom. he needs to understand that sexual compatability is something you desire... thats not a threat, just the reality.
my partner is a "morning girl". im a "night guy", concerning sex. we compromised. so im now a morning guy, most of the time. =) its not quite what id prefer... but im willing to wake up at 4am if its that or nothing.
i hope you can talk to him without being accusing or angry, and i hope he takes it to heart. at some point, he has to step up. life gets in the way sometimes. thats normal.
but you deserve the attention you need, without apologies.
so, yes... you are being selfish... in a healthy way that will allow you to sustain a relationship without denying yourself.
its not always bad to be a little selfish, y'know.
the grind of life doesnt lend itself well to great sex, at least not always. stress can kill a libido.
but that doesnt mean you shouldnt seek quality time together.
what about his habits sexually? is he more of a morning or night person?
he is acting selfish, but im not willing to call him a lost cause. he just might be in a rut. that said, you also shouldnt be doing all the "heavy lifting" in the bedroom. he needs to understand that sexual compatability is something you desire... thats not a threat, just the reality.
my partner is a "morning girl". im a "night guy", concerning sex. we compromised. so im now a morning guy, most of the time. =) its not quite what id prefer... but im willing to wake up at 4am if its that or nothing.
i hope you can talk to him without being accusing or angry, and i hope he takes it to heart. at some point, he has to step up. life gets in the way sometimes. thats normal.
but you deserve the attention you need, without apologies.
so, yes... you are being selfish... in a healthy way that will allow you to sustain a relationship without denying yourself.
its not always bad to be a little selfish, y'know.
I absolutely love your advice...as well as everyone elses! I am more of a night person because I believe darkness heightens the excitment. It's more romantic to me. I don't morning either.
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