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I am 22 weeks pregnant, and ever since I found out I was, he doesnt want to give oral sex anymore. He will have intercourse with me but no oral. He tells me that he just feels wrong because our child is in there but yet he has no problem having sex with me. I dont understand.Its not like the baby can see whats happening or has any idea whats going on. What is your opinions on this? Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see it differently.
If he wont do this for you, then dont return the favor! That is like saying "You give to me, but I wont give back"...thats no kind of a deal for you! Like what was said above, dont force or push him, just simply tell him that its a 50/50 situation and if he cant live up to his half, neither should you.
In my husband's opinion, sexual intercourse was more scary and invasive than oral when I was pregnant. If he is all that worried, go to the doctor together and talk about it with him. Then he can find out whether there are any risks or not and base his decision off of that. You can also ask him the exact reason it bothers him and see if you can come up with a solution. Knowing the baby is in there is not a good excuse in my opinion...I mean he knows its in there when you are having intercourse, what makes this different?
You should have a serious talk with him because in my opinion its crap that he wont do it for you but still expects you to do it for him.
If he wont do this for you, then dont return the favor! That is like saying "You give to me, but I wont give back"...thats no kind of a deal for you! Like what was said above, dont force or push him, just simply tell him that its a 50/50 situation and if he cant live up to his half, neither should you.
In my husband's opinion, sexual intercourse was more scary and invasive than oral when I was pregnant. If he is all that worried, go to the doctor together and talk about it with him. Then he can find out whether there are any risks or not and base his decision off of that. You can also ask him the exact reason it bothers him and see if you can come up with a solution. Knowing the baby is in there is not a good excuse in my opinion...I mean he knows its in there when you are having intercourse, what makes this different?
You should have a serious talk with him because in my opinion its crap that he wont do it for you but still expects you to do it for him.
Good point.. it is crap... and yeah I agree with you and what your husband said, I would think any guy would be more worried about intercourse because you get a whole lot closer to the baby that way then with oral. To me it makes no sense. and yeah I am gonna make it a 50-50 situation... for all fairness LOL
Good point.. it is crap... and yeah I agree with you and what your husband said, I would think any guy would be more worried about intercourse because you get a whole lot closer to the baby that way then with oral. To me it makes no sense. and yeah I am gonna make it a 50-50 situation... for all fairness LOL
Well good luck! I hope he at the very least just listens to you and your point of view before getting so paranoid. It really might make him feel better to talk with your OB/GYN about this. It seems like a strange way of thinking, but then again he could just be being cautious..who knows.
You said: "Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see it differently." My guess is he didn't enjoy doing this for you in the first place; tell him you really need for him to love you that special way.
You said: "Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see it differently." My guess is he didn't enjoy doing this for you in the first place; tell him you really need for him to love you that special way.
Well, you are wrong, he actually did enjoy doing it before I was pregnant
Well good luck! I hope he at the very least just listens to you and your point of view before getting so paranoid. It really might make him feel better to talk with your OB/GYN about this. It seems like a strange way of thinking, but then again he could just be being cautious..who knows.
Yeah, maybe he just thinks hes being cautious, i dunno. But this has been a good pregnancy so far, so its not like I am high risk, you know..but yea i think talking to the doc and getting a professionals opinion on the matter might clear things up
Man, once again the double standard emerges. Make it a two way street? Give me a break. She is pregnant, and during that time there are psychological things going on for the man as well as the woman. There are countless threads on this site about women who don't want to have sex during pregnancy and the advice to the man is "Deal with it... so many things are happening to her right now, etc." I happen to agree with that advice but to pretend that the man isn't also affected is pure BS.
Whether it is well-reasoned or not, her husband doesn't feel comfortable performing oral on her while pregnant. I'm all for talking with him and helping him understand that he may be worrying unnecessarily about physical harm. But even then, there may be emotional/psychological barriers for him that he just can't get over.
If this were a woman we were talking about, none of you would have ever suggested bullying her or withholding to try and manipulate the situation.
Starviolet, as a guy I can tell you that there is a switch in our minds that flips during pregnancy. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, find you attractive, care for you, etc. A lot of men feel awkward about oral during pregnancy, and put images in our heads that take a while to fade. Toward the end of pregnancy, despite being told time and time again that sex is ok it is difficult for some of us guys to engage in it or at least engage 100% for fear that all that jostling might hurt the baby. Unreasonable? Maybe... but no more so than some of the reasons women avoid sex sometimes and the same advice we give their partners ought to stand. In that respect it really ought to be a two-way street.
Pregnancy is difficult enough and you two should be doing everything you can to keep the relationship solid and comfort one another. You should not be sexually blackmailing your husband. Do for him what you can and what you feel like doing and let him do the same for you. Keep talking to him and trying to make him feel comfortable about it but don't be heavy-handed about it. How would you want him to handle this if the roles were reversed? If you didn't want to participate in a particular activity would you want him to withhold something? Later in your pregnancy if you don't feel like sex at all (a definite possibility) would you want him to nag constantly and make you feel inadequate?
Man, once again the double standard emerges. Make it a two way street? Give me a break. She is pregnant, and during that time there are psychological things going on for the man as well as the woman. There are countless threads on this site about women who don't want to have sex during pregnancy and the advice to the man is "Deal with it... so many things are happening to her right now, etc." I happen to agree with that advice but to pretend that the man isn't also affected is pure BS.
Whether it is well-reasoned or not, her husband doesn't feel comfortable performing oral on her while pregnant. I'm all for talking with him and helping him understand that he may be worrying unnecessarily about physical harm. But even then, there may be emotional/psychological barriers for him that he just can't get over.
If this were a woman we were talking about, none of you would have ever suggested bullying her or withholding to try and manipulate the situation.
Starviolet, as a guy I can tell you that there is a switch in our minds that flips during pregnancy. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, find you attractive, care for you, etc. A lot of men feel awkward about oral during pregnancy, and put images in our heads that take a while to fade. Toward the end of pregnancy, despite being told time and time again that sex is ok it is difficult for some of us guys to engage in it or at least engage 100% for fear that all that jostling might hurt the baby. Unreasonable? Maybe... but no more so than some of the reasons women avoid sex sometimes and the same advice we give their partners ought to stand. In that respect it really ought to be a two-way street.
Pregnancy is difficult enough and you two should be doing everything you can to keep the relationship solid and comfort one another. You should not be sexually blackmailing your husband. Do for him what you can and what you feel like doing and let him do the same for you. Keep talking to him and trying to make him feel comfortable about it but don't be heavy-handed about it. How would you want him to handle this if the roles were reversed? If you didn't want to participate in a particular activity would you want him to withhold something? Later in your pregnancy if you don't feel like sex at all (a definite possibility) would you want him to nag constantly and make you feel inadequate?
Let the flood of angry female responses begin!
For one, I haven't even nagged him. I have simply asked him why he feels that way, like what is going on in his head and he can't give me an answer. I shoulda known I'd get this type of answer from a man. Someone who obviously has never been pregnant, and has really no clue what he is talking about. Yeah maybe you just might have been through it with someone but unless its going on inside your body you really don't know. And for your info...if the roles were reversed and for some reason I didn't want to do this for him, then he definitely would hold back, because thats just the kind of person he is...he'd be like well if you aren't gonna do it for me two can play this game. I have no doubt that my pregnancy is affecting him, but he shouldn't still expect me to do it for him when he knows damn well if the roles were reversed he wouldn't do it for me.
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