Ok I am 49 my partner is 35, I have a high sex drive then him (imagine that) but lately when I want to have sex he tells me no, when I leave the room and suddenly comes back in he is jacking off or once I tried for 3 days to have sex with him and he kept rejecting me then I caught him in the bathroom looking at porn. What's up? I know being older I should know but I don't. Im not your average looking 49 year old and I get hit on often. When we do have sex I let him do pretty much what he wants to with me, sometimes when I ask he will sigh and say what do I want done or simply rejects me.

The stereotype is the nice guy who drifts toward porn because it's easy and because he feels unappreciated and overburdened, not because of any new kinky desires. Sex becomes a chore. It's a breakdown in communication. But communication isn't just a sitting down and having a talk about it, although you should try that.

Why are you with this guy? If I were you I would read the writing on the wall and find someone more compatible rather then waste good years with a person who won't address your needs. No, it has gone by the talking stage, it is at the getting out stage where even an ultimatum won't do the trick.

How long have you been a couple?

Please define 'lately'. How long has this been happening and how was the sexual part of the relationship before this started? Have you sat down and asked him what is going on? Asking for sex is not communicating about it.

If this is a recent development, what else has changed? He is stressed at work or over friend/family matters? Is he tired? Has he had any health issues or started taking any medications? Has he tried to explain what he needs? Does he show affection in other ways?

You say you 'let' him do what he wants when you do have sex. Do you enjoy it too or is he getting the impression that you are only there in body and maybe a hint of resentment?

Problems in the bedroom usually have a beginning in other places. It can be little stresses building up. It can be exhaustion (mentally and/or physically.) It can be a reaction to feeling pressured.

If the changes are recent, I don't think it is too late to try communicating. Only you know what has gone on before and if it is worth the energy and effort. If you do try talking with him, be careful that you aren't confronting him and putting him on the defensive. The discussion should be an open and honest exchange of needs and wants. Both parties should be willing to listen as well as share. Also, don't limit the discussion to just sex. Talk about all aspects of the relationship and see if there are issues from outside your relationship that may be affecting it. Together, try to find fixes and compromises.

About the porn and masturbation, do not ask him to stop and do not accept promises that he will if he tries to give them. That path usually doesn't work and leads to accusations of lying and betrayal.

Good luck.

He is being lazy, and masturbation is just easier for the guy, no one to please but his self.

Sounds like time to sit down and talk outside the bedroom about what is happening. If he is doing it right after you ask, it really sounds like he is doing it to make you upset, more than anything.