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I have currently been with my partner for nearly 18 months now. He is currently 24, I am 22. He had had 6 sexual partners before me, I had not had any. I was bought up to beliee sex before marriage is wrong, however after a rather indepth conversation with my mother, she said to me that her views have changed, and sex is part of showing love to one another.
I waited around 13 months before I allowed my boyfriend to engage in sexual intercourse with me. At first I was new to it, in all fairness I did not really enjoy it, kissing lasted say five minutes, foreplay about 5, then straight into sex, my boyfriend, depending on how horny he was lasted anything from 5 minutes to 25 inside me.
He suddenyl dropped a bombshell on me, around 14 months into the relationship, that he loves to masterbate, upto 5 or 6 times a day, likes to watch porn, and has pornographic photos on his mobile, he likes kinky sex, and would like me to dress up (school girl, barbie, secretary, air hostess, doctor etc) and would like to start engaging in dirty text messages, send sexy photos etc. It really caused conflict between us, and we ended up on a break for a month or so, as I am not in to anything like that at all.
Around 15 and a half months, we got back together, he really had made a massive change, he quit with the constant sex talk, showed more interest in me, was happy to hae spontaneous sex, as appose to arranged times, so i could dress up etc. He began to show more interest in my life and as a person etc and we were really getting on great.
Sex still happened, and possibly more frequently for a month or so, it was practically love making sex, there were no sexy underwear, stockings, dressing up, dirty texts etcs. All was going great. After a month or so he asked for stockings, I decided it was not too dirty just stockings so I put them on and now I do quite enjoy wearing them.
My main question as to why I am here today is: my boyfriend has for the past month said that since the break etc, his sex drive has decreased, he does not want it as much. He plays football twice a week and he says that really helps him control it all. Recently when having sex, my boyfriend has only lasted 30 seconds, its never ever more than 4 or 5 minutes now, which frustrates me, as I never get much pleasure apart from a bit of foreplay. It upsets him, as he feels i get annoyed (which I do, but I do not show it at all). He says it is him, not me, but then he says, I am really tight, and the sex we have is emotional and he says he has always been able to go a lot longer with his previous girlfriends, but just not me.
Baiscally I want to know why this happens, and what we can do to sort it out. I gave you the past as I do not know whether it helps to make you understand the situation better. Could this sex be boring for him if he really likes kinky dirty sex? Am I just too tight for him? He says it feels really good, but he wants to be able to last longer?
have him "unload the gun" before sex. it will drop the sensation, providing a longer experience for you. there is nothing wrong with masturbation, in fact, it is perfectly natural. as for the tightness, personally, tightness DOES enhance the sensitivity, but if he has a release before you engage in sex, chances are alot better that you'll have more enjoyment.
if he does this for you, feel loved because he DOES want you to feel good, too.
Your story reminded me of several girlfriends married to "minute men." Tightness aside, he may just want it to be over and done with. He should bring you to orgasm during foreplay if he knows he can't last very long. It does not sound as if he knows how to care about a woman, yet. If he does know how, he doesn't want to.
No, there is nothing wrong with you. I think you should shop for a man who cares about you, and acts like it. Down the road with this guy, it'll probably get worse. The longer you stay, and try to please him, the harder it will be to break-up later. He has not lost his taste for porn, masturbation and kinky stuff. He's still figuring out who he is and what he wants.
Break up, go shopping and look for a guy who cares how you feel, both in bed and out. As it is, you are being used as a masturbation tool. You deserve better.
I did not come on here to be told my boyfriend is not suitable for me. I love him very much, as I know he cares a lot about me, he chased me for 8 months before I finally agreed to get with him, thats a long time to wait round day in day out for someone you like. He always treats me well, and he gets very upset as he ejaculates too soon. We both find it annoying. He says if he could last longer he would, but as soon as its in and we move even a little bit, he gets to the point of no return. I was just looking for ways this could be solved, not to split up with him.
Human beings are very complicated...they can have many motivations and motives unknown to themselves. What people say about serious matters is often a lie...has been my experience in life. Average people are all about protecting their ego from constructive criticism of any kind....they feel it is threatening to the worldview they have constructed, the worldview that makes them feel good, feel correct, feel powerful in an ever changing world.
I think it could be possible that he is reacting psychologically to a *feeling* of you being controlling about your joint sex life. He has made a lot of changes at your insistence, girl! I think he is unhappy and doesn't know how to express himself so he is *unconsciously* being passive aggressive, so to speak, by spoiling your sexual experience.
I think a few visits to a sex therapist could help you both immensely as a couple!! You are both caring people and people worth an investment in the future.
also, when he masturbates, did he ever try to use it as a training method, a way to hold back, as opposed to getting the fastest release possible?
what about positions? do you ever take the top? do you ever self stimulate while hes inside you?
is he willing to give you oral to completion or close to it?
also... i know you dont want to hear us tell you to leave him... we are a funny group here, me included, wanting the best for all members, new or not...
and some of us, including me, have wasted time with lovers who were less than giving for a number of reasons. its one thing if he honestly wants to change the experience, its another if he just leaves you wanting and you are doing all the heavy lifting emotionally.
part of that response is we get so many posts from people with lovers who are uninterested and ungiving... it jades us, including me.
i honestly can tell you i dated a girl who was much tighter than all others.. but her "gift" was that she also could take direct, hard cl!toral stimulation with her finger or mine, usually wet. so even though it was often a race to the line, she could hit the big O with hard stim... unfortunately, shes the only women ive ever been with who could take such a thrashing and not smack me upside the head.
When he was so "into" porn, it sounds like he was able to perform satifactorily. Now, he pops in just a few seconds. Sounds like all of his pent up energy from nohaving the constant stimulus and constant masturbation has "backfired". But in time and with training , he can be better than before. He just needs "re-programming". If he has made this turn around, it appears that he is truly concerned for you and cares about the relationship. If he had a problem with porn before, it can be very easy for him to fall back into it if things don't go right for him. Counseling would not be a bad thing if the two of you are really serious about each other. Good Luck
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