Hi all im a 31 year old male engaged to a 24 year old female... weve been together for almost 2 years and there has never been a sexlife.... Im lucky to get it once a week or longer and it has always been this way... in past relationships i cant remember a day going by that i didnt have sex with my partner... now i wouldnt get it if i didnt have to gripe and complain... ive talked with her and agued my feelings repeatedly to no avail.. it
feels like im in high school again walking around horny as hell all day and its so frustrating... anyways here is my question

ive told her that if she doesnt start putting out more i will get it someplace else...she gets mad but doesnt take any steps to prevent it... I have cheated on her before and felt really guilty i told her and told her i was leaving and she begged me to stay and things were fine for a while but now its back at square one... I love her and want to marry her one day but im not going to be able to be faithful to her for this reason and i keep putting the wedding day off....she keeps begging to get married but right now i dont know what to do i cant talk to her about our sex life she gets mad and blows up thinking everything is her fault and puts a wall up and wont listen, i cant express myself sexually to her because she isnt open minded (however there are plenty of women out there willing to) I dont feel like im attractive to her though i know im not a bad looking guy i can get pretty much anyone i want ...we have a kid together and it makes it hard for me thinking about leaving...
so should i stay in this relationship just for the love and kids sake and seek sexual satisfaction elswhere? and just keep it to myself? or what? IM SO FRIGGIN FRUSTRATED AND HORNY I CANT TAKE IT.... and i get offers all the time from other girls but i hold out for my fiances sake which makes it that much more frustrating when i come home and dont even get noticed.....ARGGGGHHH....
Please advise...

spiritcharms

im not suprised really that she doesnt give you her all,she obviously doesnt trust you, and i dont blame her seeing as you cheated on her once before and thinking about it again.

she obviously cant forgive you. i would say end this relationship,but not by cheating on her, but it makes it harder as you have a child together, and the child needs the security.

bronzebabe

taoplr

Don't marry this woman! Your frustration will only get worse. You will cheat; she will know; you will fight and eventually divorce. Your child will suffer more with the two of you together than apart. If you are apart, at least there won't be constant tension, deceit, a wounded mom, and a constantly pissed off dad. Maybe both of you will find the right partner.

As parents of the same child, you will be related to her for the rest of your life; so be a gentleman about everything you do from here on out. Don't fight; don't make her wrong. If she is willing, go to therapy with her, or by yourself, not to fix the relationship, but to navigate through a separation with the least amount of pain. There's a long-shot chance that therapy will help, but it will have to be deep, transformative therapy over a long time.

It's time to accelerate your maturation and to get clear about your responsibilities, starting with your responsibility to yourself. Take a long, deep breath and think about your role as a father and your commitment to your child. Think about the life you want.

With all that in mind, be open to therapy surfacing things about both of you, as well as your dynamic, that you can change. Hold a bit of hope close to you.

tao

Gemini54

From a woman's point of view, I can tell you that there is no greater passion killer than to be constantly harassed for sex.

When I read your post, it was all about you. Your needs, your complaints, your belief that you can get 'it' everywhere else. My question is, what about her?

You're old enough to know that women's sexuality is often expressed very differently to men's. Wham bham thank you m'am just doesn't do it for most of us.

Griping and complaining are not good foreplay. You know this, so why do you continue to do it? Why do you think the result will be any different? Do you think that she enjoys being shamed into sex?

You complain that your needs are not met and you're not being noticed - what about her? Do you meet her needs? Do you notice her? And, I don't mean sexually.

You say you love her, but how do you express it? You say she's not interested in being sexually creative, but how do you encourage her to open up? It seems to me that you've got her so completely on the defensive with your harassment and criticism that it's hardly likely she's going to be feeling open, receptive, relaxed and sexual. Quite frankly, I wouldn't want to have sex with you either!

I'd suggest you literally lay off for a while - sure you're horny, but you know how to use your hand don't you? Give some thought to how you might be more loving and generous in your relationship - think about how you might meet some of her needs and try to focus less on yourself.

Give it a try. If you shift the dynamic and she feels more loved and less harassed and criticized, you never know what might happen.

makapuu

You should not stay in the relationship for the love and kid's sake. You can still be a father to your child, and you can love your fiancee as the mother of your child.

You do not respect your fiancee. Your child might learn that trait from you.

anymouse

I know why i cheated... i dont get it at home... i know that is no excuse and i admit that it wouldnt feel good if the roles were reversed and i honestly regret it... but im human and have human needs I have tried encouragement, lavishing her like a princess and everything i can muster, I was patient while she was pregnant, I can handle it when shes menstrating... but it has been this way before i ever cheated... we have never had that cant keep my hands off you relationship she is seeing a therapist, and ive agreed to go with her... but what am i looking at 6 years 7 years before she opens up? when we have sex there is only two positions missionary or her on top and she complains about being on top, she doesnt like to give head, and i enjoy sixtynine .... guess i just need to listen to what im saying in this paragraph were just not cut out for each other.

makapuu

Your options are:
1. You stay engaged and cheat on your fiancee.
2. You break your engagement, be free to have sex without cheating.

It seems like you want to use your child as a reason why you are chosing #1.

anymouse

I think your right... but i honestly love her and have gotten so used to her being around that even though we dont have sex we are great friends in fact sometimes i feel like we are just roomates sharing an abode with our child. does that sound wierd? we dont even have an affectionate relationship ie: we dont do alot of hugging, making out , massages, or anything really.... ive tried everything to get the flame started such as ill open doors and bring her lunch unexpectedly and massage her back when she gets home from work etc... but i rarely get the favor returned and have since quit doing it because i feel im being used... so now we go along each day sort of in separate worlds but living together...

jenniepepsi

wow...not only did you cheat on her already once before...but you DEMANDED sex or you would do it again...

now wonder she isnt having sex with you. if my husband acted like that i would turn his butt down too!! i even asked my husband his opinion from a guys point of view just now. and he said 'wow, he is NOT gonna get any that way!'

you need to rethink your relationship. it doesnt sound like you love her. it sounds like you want her to be there when you need her for sex.

i would not marrie this girl. it sounds like she deserves better than you. and you would only end up making eachotehr miserable.