Dear f4af2007,

Sometimes pleasuring one another orally works for some without penetration. Sex is a wonderful thing, but things just come naturally. When making love your mind should not be on what comes next or will I have an orgasm. From your posts, it seems that when it came to doing it orally, you were pleasured and your mind was probably in LaLa land. But when it came to penetration, your mind focus on something else. Just let it come naturally. You are young. It will come to you. Just give it time and do not this frustrate you. Hope this helps!

I think some relaxation needs to come into this for both of you and some restraint on your man's part might help too. If you don't commence full sex until you feel it's exactly what you need to push you over the edge (and you will know, girl) then keep going with the foreplay until neither of you can take any more.
And don't worry, sexual compatibility doesn't always happen overnight.

Best of Luck
-Munch

It's the best answer to a question like that I have ever heard

I know exactly what you mean. I love my boyfriend and we're really good together, but when we have sex I just feel nothing. It's like "oh hey, there's a penis inside me? ok" I know he isn't just trying to get himself off because he's constantly trying to make me feel good. When he fingers me it feels good, but when we have sex, it's nada.. and he fingered me after the sex because he wanted me to feel pleasure but I didn't feel anything when I usually feel it. The only logical explanation I can think of is if my body turned off all sexual feelings during intercourse because of my being raped. It was a while ago but I haven't tried having sex until just recently with my boyfriend. So my point being is that you are not alone. It's really frustrating. Part of me wants to just fake it because he said if I don't feel good during sex, he won't either and won't be able to . Is there anyway to fix this?

Do you get turned on when making out with your BF, meaning do you get all hot and heavy and wet and want him inside you?

What do you mean when you say you get no pleasure? Do you mean you don't have an orgasm during intercourse? That's absolutely not unusual. About 70% of women can't reach climax from penetration alone; they need direct stimulation of the clitoris in order to come.

I can only encourage you to do what others have already suggested: explore your vagina, inside and out. Masturbate, with or without toys (you can find some in the refrigerator! LOL). Once you know what feels good when you do it to yourself, teach your BF to do it to you.


There are women out there who have an orgasm the very first time they have sex, or reach multiple orgasms on a regular basis, or climax from penetration alone. However, for most of us, things aren't that easy and it takes practice to have satisfying sex with a man.

I can't believe it, I found this post because I am actually having a very similar problem. Since I started having sex with my boyfriend a few months ago, I have not been able to feel any pleasure either. He is my first sexual partner, I felt initial pain, but now that is gone and I still don't feel pleasure. It is driving us both crazy. We don't know what to do. We've tried many different positions and it still doesn't work for me. I care about him so much and I really really want to feel pleasure from having sex with him. We have had oral sex, and that is the only time I feel pleasure and really enjoy it, I don't understand why sex won't work! I thought I was the only one who could possibly be having this problem... I'm worried that I'll never be able to feel anything from sex...

greentree I know EXACTLY how you feel. Ive been with my boyfriend for nine months now and I love him loads. He too is my first sexual partner and I also initially felt pain but now that has gone and still... nothing. We are both frustrated by it and I know he does everything he can to try and pleasure me but apart from foreplay, I feel NOTHING.
You are not alone!!

You may wish to visit a gynecologist to see if there is a medical reason for this that can be treated. Why waste time and find out years from now.

This post is closed as the original question is dated over a year ago.

Hi, I am 22 years old and I am the same way. I do not know what to do.