I had a total abdominal hysterectomy (kept both ovaries) for multiple uterine fibroids and enlarged uterus. I never had any problems until a few months before the surgery, when I developed pain in the lower right abdomen/ovary, pain during sex, frequent urination and constipation that I know now were caused by the enlarged uterus. I was told the fibroids would go away on their own following menopause, but it was not known how long that would be (I'm in my 40s).
I did not do much research prior to surgery, other than to learn that UFE as opposed to surgery had mixed results. (In many women, the fibroids would return, and eventually hysterectomy was performed anyway.)
I now regret the surgery, as my sex life has been greatly affected. I have strong desire and arousal but don't seem capable of achieving orgasm. I have read a great deal on female orgasm (too late, I feel) and learned that what I experienced prior to surgery was internal orgasm, involving the uterus and cervix. Both are now gone. I know I can still have external orgasm, involving the clitoris but wonder if I will ever be satisfied with sex. Prior to surgery, my orgasms were very big and often multiple. My partner feels as if he is letting me down. Sex has not changed for him.
I am extremely depressed, as I feel I didn't do enough research and rushed into the decision to have surgery not realizing how much my sex life would change. So many women I talked to (and read posts from on message boards) never mentioned this; in fact, several said sex would be just as good, if not better. I can't possibly see how a woman could think sex is better without a uterus. I have no contractions during sex, as I did before.
How do I learn to have clitoral orgasms and be satisfied with them? I feel like sex is a major disappointment and become depressed after sex and whenever I think about how life was before my surgery.

Choux

I have to share with you some personal information and information I have read. In some Islamic countries, there is a practice called female genital mutilation, a practice a woman's family does to a daugter so she will be a "good wife". It involves cutting the pleasure nerves in the clitoris, destroying a woman's ability to orgasm.

I have read that some Muslim women have gone into classes about female sexuality and were able to recover some sexual pleasure...a phantom kind of sensation perhaps, orgasm of the mind....I'm not sure how it worked. (I know this is not the same as your case, but just interesting, I think)

I had a hysterectomy, but never had intercourse after that....I was able to have orgasms, if I remember correctly, not as good as previously, but I also had other contributing problems to orgasm-ing. The reason I had a hysterectomy was that I had a fibroid as big as a gallon plastic milk carton! I had two obgyne in on the surgery, it was a terrible experience.

I think you have to come to terms with the fact that you had the hysterectomy and that it was necessary....(and, your condition may have gotten much worse over time).

My opinion is that since you had such great orgasmic quality in the past that you can get more pleasure than you are currently getting going forward. I think your mood is effecting your pleasure....yeah, I know, circular, but a more positive attitude about the future will help you.

Secondly, I think you would benefit from spending some time with a sex therapist. Surely, you will get a lot of good pointers to expanding your sexual consciousness. If I were you, I would do that right away, make it top priority.

If a Muslim woman without a clitoris can learn to gain pleasure from sexuality, you may be able to do wonders. Just don't give up. Be positive, get help, and make a list of positive changes you want to make, like making your bedroom more of a boudoir, new underwear, some new clothes and go to your hairdresser and update.

My very best to you, my heart goes out to you. I don't think the situation is hopeless,

asking

I think Choux's advice is really good, that things can get better and that probably a lot of things are contributing to your problem besides just the hysterectomy, including your current mood. Depression is common after surgery. I don't mean to minimize what's happened to you, but try to be patient and also find a way to accept what's done. I had major surgery a few years ago--a five hour spinal fusion--and the recovery was awful and I went through a long period of being convinced I'd made a terrible mistake. Today, I've accepted that it is done and in fact was probably a good thing overall. It just wasn't how I expected it to be. I don't have any experience with a hysterectomy (yet), but I do have fibroids and I'm grateful to you for posting this information.

Hugs and chin up. Things will definitely get better.

Xrayman

I think the fibroid issue is the greatest concern here (medically speaking) as for fibroids going away after menopause is a tenuous concept as most fibroids may require hysterectomy before they will be "cured".

Your loss of feeling is kind of unusual because most orgasmic females experience it through clitoral rather than uterine stimulation-I agree with Asking and Choux in the fact that there may be some positivity to this with a great deal of remapping what is pleasurable for you-although I would imagine that this would be very difficult without some in-depth research/sex therapy.

To be honest, i'd be looking toward a therapist who has a qual in hypnotherapy-this may enable your thoughts to move more clitoral/vulval excitation. being hynotised may increase your sexual response-to be where you can really feel it!

good luck.

kp2171

sounds like you were very responsive toward stimulation at the uterovaginal plexus. not all women experience this. have you experienced dryness since the surgery?

are you able to self stimulate (clitoral) to orgasm either by yourself or with your partner inside you? were you able to do this before the surgery? ... experience an "external" orgasm?