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I am a 38 yr woman living with a 46 yr old man. I am so depressed over our relationship. I feel like I don't turn him on. He's not a public display of affection type guy wich I can deal with, but he is alway judging womans looks, says it natural, which I see his mother does the same thing, but lately he has been rarely making any advances. We have a good relationship otherwise, get along great, but he is making me feel very unattractive. I have been told many times by other men I am very cute.... He does tend to look at pure beauty and says its not about the sex he just likes looking at beautiful women. I am cute but who looks like those women....
Please some suggestions, otherwise real good relationship~
Hi pmrbk,
You are not alone. Guys are usually more visual than women. "Eye Candy" is a term for their spectator sport. That doesn't make them bad people. Guys just like to look. I think that the more artistic a person is, the more they study things visually.
Maybe you should use an "I" statement and just tell him how you feel. Basically, that you feel afraid that you are no longer physically attractive to him. It sounds like the two of you can talk about stuff. As long as you don't attack his visual nature. That would be like expecting a dog to not try to smell you. Guys look. That doesn't mean he doesn't like looking at or making love to you.
You sound like you are sitting around waiting for every little crumb he decides to throw your way. You have more power than you think. You are hurting yourself by thinking these things. Try this, think about yourself being everything you want him to think you are. Take charge of your own life, give yourself everything you think you need from someone else. Give first take later. People are apt to treat us like we treat ourselves. Treat yourself with love and respect.
If it is "natural" for him to make you feel depressed and unwanted, perhaps you might start to feel "naturally" put off by him, feel cheated by him and end up dumping him-you may wish to inform him of this and how it makes YOU feel.
If it is "natural" for him to make you feel depressed and unwanted, perhaps you might start to feel "naturally" put off by him, feel cheated by him and end up dumping him-you may wish to inform him of this and how it makes YOU feel.
I like this viewpoint with the exception that it simply isn't possible to make anyone except yourself feel anything. We can make ourselves feel depressed and unwanted. If you feel put off by him, then perhaps you expected him to behave differently than he does. If his behavior is bothering you, yeah, tell him! But tell him why you brought it up in the first place, you feel alone, etc.
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