nearly 2 years

fizzpop · #1 Jun 20, 2008, 06:57 PM

i have nearly been with my boyfriend for 2 years. we are both guys and when we started seeing each other all our friends were so happy for us and we got along great and were in love and tried to share every single moment together.

we moved in together 18 months ago and have slowly drifted apart ever since. i am still in love with him but feel like he thinks of and sees me as a complete inconvenience. we hardly ever have sex any more, when we do it is crap and goes nowhere. all he does all the time is sit and look at stuff on the net and shout at me if i ask him for any attention.

i just want us to be as happy together as we were in the early days of our relationship and can't see any point in carrying on if we can't get that feeling back.

bottom and short of it is i want to leave him...but how do you leave someone you love? even though it's all to do with the way he is i know it will ruin hm if i leave him.

oh, and i've TRIED talking to him. he is too busy on the net to talk and gets angryif i start a serious conversation.

simoneaugie · Jun 20, 2008, 08:41 PM

Since he won't communicate with you, you guys have a communication problem. Is there a way to talk to him without the computer there? Tell him how you feel, that you are thinking about leaving, that you feel lonely. Of course, you don't want his attention all day, but couples that don't talk tend to grow apart.

Synnen · Jun 21, 2008, 06:44 AM

Unplug the computer, and let him know that unless you are more important to him than the computer, then you're done.

This will turn into a major fight--be quite prepared for that. Yes, he'll shout at you. Shout back. And honestly---YOU leaving won't ruin him. It will wake him up (hopefully) to what an insensitive jerk he's being--but YOU won't be ruining him. He's doing that all by himself.

Look, communication and trust are key to a relationship. If he can't, or won't, communicate with you, then you don't have a relationship.

As to how you leave someone you love---you pack your bags, talk to your landlord about your share of the lease, move in with friends until you get your own place, and carry on with your life. You cry a lot, but being hurt about the end of a relationship is better than crying when the person you love is in the NEXT ROOM and doesn't give a damn that they're hurting you, becuase they're too busy on the computer. You take one day at a time, and you do things that you like to do, and you heal.

Choux · Jun 21, 2008, 10:53 AM

Take him out to dinner and discuss your relationship telling him you are going to have to move on unless there are improvements in your interaction. Good relationships are negotiated.

If he is not interested in meeting at least some of your needs, I guess the relationship is over in its present form.

No yelling no violence....that's not necessary when it is just over.

kp2171 · Jun 23, 2008, 01:49 PM

ive been with two women whom i loved but couldnt be with. it happens. it sucks. but it happens.

you get the respect you demand... and sometimes not even that. meaning you choose what you settle for. its fine to put in the extra effort when youve invested time and energy into a relationship... but at some point you know you cannot be the one to do all the heavy lifting.

smoothy · Jun 24, 2008, 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fizzpop

i have nearly been with my boyfriend for 2 years. we are both guys and when we started seeing each other all our friends were so happy for us and we got along great and were in love and tried to share every single moment together.

we moved in together 18 months ago and have slowly drifted apart ever since. i am still in love with him but feel like he thinks of and sees me as a complete inconvenience. we hardly ever have sex any more, when we do it is crap and goes nowhere. all he does all the time is sit and look at stuff on the net and shout at me if i ask him for any attention.

i just want us to be as happy together as we were in the early days of our relationship and can't see any point in carrying on if we can't get that feeling back.

bottom and short of it is i want to leave him...but how do you leave someone you love? even though it's all to do with the way he is i know it will ruin hm if i leave him.

oh, and i've TRIED talking to him. he is too busy on the net to talk and gets angryif i start a serious conversation.

So you moved in with him only 6 months after you first met him? Doesn't anyone think that is jumping the gun a bit other than me? Perhaps if you had dated him a while longer you would have seen this. Not saying he is right or wrong but thats how he is, and most likely was before you met him.

Yeah I think people should know each other a LOT longer before they decide to move in together. Rather than move in together set up house THEN get upset when they get to know the person and don't like what they find.

twinkiedooter · Jun 24, 2008, 05:38 PM

Sounds like the honeymoon is definitely over. If you two have nothing more in common to talk about and he's got his nose in the computer he's obviously treating you like a non-person just getting in the way. Some things work out and others don't work out. Sounds like you need to find someone else. Keep your loving memories of him, but move on since this is not working out.

hollylovesbrandon · Jun 24, 2008, 10:12 PM

well, you could use a scare tactic...pack up and leave. once he sees that you are actually serious about this, if he cares he will try to stop you. As synnen said, be prepared for a lot of yelling, screaming, and crying...and maybe, making up



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