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Boyfriend watching porn.is this helpful for sexual relationship?
Hey gang-
Not sure if I am posting in the correct topic.
My boyfriend secretly watches porn when he thinks I am asleep by sneaking his laptop into the bathroom and locking the door.
This may be natural...but it is very aggrevating and hurtful.
Two cents on a couple questions are welcomed:
is this helpful for our sexual relationship? in that if I give off the vibe that I don't want sex, and he does, is it okay for him to conduct himself like this?
naively, this is my first relationship...so I wonder if it bothers me to the point of stripping my sleep, is it worth a battle fighting? should I be worried?
It's very normal for you to feel this way... been there, and felt that way too, but you have to understand that his behavior has NOTHING to do with you. I used to feel rejected until I talked to my guy friends and they told me that this is totally normal. You should be upset if he was having "adult conversation" with someone else on the internet, but watching pornos is not taking anything from you and its obvious that he is embarrassed if he is hidding from you. "don't ask don't tell"
Hi Aries,
lol...forgive me, I don't mean to laugh, and it isnt you who makes me chuckle, it's your worse half. we men ('some' of us) can be so stupid. he thinks he's being so 'covert', so clever, yet u know all about it. why does he bother to hide it??
anyway, back to the point, and your Q.
pornography helps ZERO! it has no 'useful' reason for existence other than to make huge sums of money to those involved in its production. May I ask what faith u are??
if you're a catholic, like myself, than you should know that pornography is a mortal sin and as such it is obviously of no help at all. however, you might well be not interested to hear the religious and moral aspect of porn and sexual relations before marriage, so I won't bore u with that, hence the answer to your Q is NO it does not help. on the contrary, it might actually make things a lot worse. he sounds very immature to me and u may just find yourself being asked to perform things you'd rather not. if he gets hooked on porn, he may well seek to 'experiment' elsewhere, while still essentially sleeping in YOUR bed. that will lead him into promiscuity and will put u at risk of getting VD. VD's can easily lead to sterility in both your cases. you never actually get cured, just treated.
you say u are losing sleep...and ask is it worth a fight. of course! you cannot continue without sleep. however, it also seems to me that your bf is not about to stop, so, unless u are prepared to tolerate him watching porn, obviously somewhere else where your sleep is uninterrupted, you 2 in my opinion should split up.
I think this is a very common problem with relationships. First off, just because a guy watches porn, does not mean that he thinks any less of you, or that he don't want to be with you. When my girlfriend and I first started dating, we used to watch it together. Now she feels the same way you do, she gets mad, and says it makes her feel like her body is not good enough. Honestly, I think this is the best way, though...expecially if your looking for something new to try in the bedroom. Just turn something on that looks fun, and it sorta brings it up without you just saying "I wanna do this"...I think you'll find the type that he watches, is something he wants to try.
Most women (as far as I know) do not have as much as a sex drive as guys, so if the girl don't want it, the guy is going to "relieve" himself. There are also times where, the guy just wants to "go". When a guy is having sex (at least me) I feel obligated to make sure my girl is satisfied before I go. Some days this can take longer than others. If a guy masturbates, he can pretty much make it last as long, or short as he wants.
I forgat to mention that in my opinion watching pornos does not help the relationship. If your BF is mature enough he'll understand your point of view if you tell him that it bothers you and if its not an addiction you may ask him to stop and he should. I just don't feel that you should make the mistake of looking inside your relationship to find answers cause his behavior has nothing to do with you. That is probably the way he was satisfying his sexual appetite prior to being in a relationship with you... but now its time to quit.
It is very sad that ppl feel the need to turn to porn for ideas on what to do in bed. I find this quite pathetic. Making love to a woman is not about how many different positions you can twist her body into, it's about loving her, and showing her that. Unfortunately all most men are interested in is getting off, so no wonder there are so many 3 minute jokes about us, or even less. a kiss is the most intimate thing two ppl can do, if they know how to do it. and patience is also necessary. a woman will always be left frustrated because she almost always wants to go slow, and we men (and there are exceptions) are like a bull in a china shop, and porn is all about self gratification, with no regard for your partner. Q for everyone...how often can u watch the same film over and over again???
even if it is a good film!!!! well that's exactly what porn is...once you've seen it a few times, it becomes boring as hell, whereas with a little imagination, from both sides, making love should never become a routine and boring..assuming of course that u are with the right person.
Hi People-
First thanks for the honesty...
I suspect he is looking at porn at the least. At the worst, he is having those adult conversations on someone else on the internet.
I thought about returning the favor, but somehow I can't go through "all the way".
So as follow-up, if I don't have proof (and I admit, I don't-all this is suspect based on the time of the night-up until 2am, what I find the next morning-seminal excretions) what would I say?
I've tried the "what time did you go to sleep last night" (recieving reply of I don't know) and "what were you doing up so late" (recieving reply of watching videos/news).
Could there be deeper issues (ie satisfaction?)?
And to address the adopting porn behavior, either I'm noticing it more or it's really there, but lately some exlamations/questions have been asked that leave me more to suspect.
yes, but you see-he locks the door. I tried the "I need to use the restroom" tactic. All he has to do is close the browser. what would you suggest I do then? grab his laptop and screen his history--oh and the history part, his mozilla has the feature to delete all history/temp int files/cookies upon closing.
Ugh seems like a no win situation.
sorry for my discouraged attitude...thanks for your advice, though. I'd like more if you come up with anything else.
seems like a no win situation.
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