I have been living with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. He is 36 y/o and I am 32 y/o. When we first met, he made it very clear that he doesn't believe in marriage and wasn't planning on having any more kids. He has a daughter(14 y/o) from his previous relationship. I am OK with not getting married so as long as we are both happy. As far as having children, I have mixed feelings about it- sometimes I would like to have one & at other times I don't. There hasn't been a time where I really want to have one for sure.
However, here is the problem I am having- he isn't interested in having sex and isn't affection. Example: I tell him I love him- he says OK. I give him a hug- he tells me to go away, but then says he was playing when I get upset. He never compliments me, but manages to point out when he doesn't like what I am wearing.
When we were dating, we had sex when ever we could. I didn't realize this would end when we lived together. He tells me that he went with out having a girlfriend or sexual partner for about 10 years. The mother(43y/o) of his child was the last. I am a bit bothered by this because she attends just about every family function. They don't talk to each other (at least not in front of me), but she is there. Don't get me wrong, I know they will always have to communicate because of their daughter, but I don't understand why she needs to attend every dinner or function they have.
He moves away when I try touching him. Sometimes, I ask him for sex and he asks me if it's OK if he just uses a toy on me & get me off. I feel that sex is more than just physical- being intimate with your partner is also an emotional experience. He tells me that I am not cooperating and am ungrateful. I have discussed this issue with him numerous times. I have explained to him that his rejections hurt me. I feel unattractive. He apologizes and assures me he will try his best to improve, but goes back to the way it was. I have offered role playing, dressing up, talking dirty, and more- but he tells me no. I have even worn sexy underwear and basically get in front of his face when we are in bed and nothing. I asked him about this and he said he just wasn't thinking about it so he didn't notice. However, when we used to go to his friends house, we always caught him staring at her breasts. I brought this up and asked him what about then? Where you thinking about it? Or were you so attracted it got your attention? His reply was that I am never going to be happy because I am too insecure. I realize we all have our insecurties, but asked him to answer me. He never did- he just got upset with me.
I am very confused- he is a wonderful partner in every other way, but the lack of sex/affection is making me unhappy. I don't know if letting a good man go because of sex/affection is the best thing to do, but I don't think this is healthy either. Any suggestions?

Ok, I'm going to be completely honest with you.. him off!!

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to touch you, let along make love to you. I could never be with a man who didn't find me attractive and who loathed being affectionate towards me. All woman want affection and the security to know that through affection our man adores us. Lets be honest.. You need sex in a relationship.. it's a VERY important factor too keeping the relationship alive because one of the most special ways to bond and interact with each other...

Darling, you deserve affection and a man who appreciates you as a sexual woman. To even second guess yourself being attractive and insecure means there is a problem. You should spend the rest of your life with someone who adores you and gives you the time of day.

I also think that if you want to be married and have children you should find someone who shares the same interest. Your still young and there's always plenty more fish in the sea!

"Im never going to be happy because im too insecure"--- Do you really want to spend your life being unhappy because of his insecurities??

That's no way to live!

Sounds like this guy either has another woman, is still hung up on his daughter's mother, or he has problems. Either way, there is no future with him IMO. He treats you with disrespect, like you have no feelings.
This relationship is not normal it is "dead end" Leave before he completely destroys you.

Get out of there and find someone that will love you unconditionally and give you everything you want and deserve...

I think you have created in your mind a pleasant fantasy of what this guy is and what he is about.

Time to face facts, the one thing you really want, he is never going to give you... Life is short, don't choose misery.

Best wishes in 2008.