Married to a Porn Addict?

Jake2008 · Nov 18, 2009, 05:46 PM

I think this says it all:

Quote:

I don't really feel heard or that my feelings are being taken to heart.

I think you are wise to seek professional help.

I hope you'll post again Rockerchick, let us all know how you're doing. Best of luck.

Catsmine · Nov 18, 2009, 06:35 PM

So the porn viewing is merely a symptom of a larger problem rather than a problem in itself.

Be glad there's only the two of you involved right now. Kids would make this really complicated.

Have you considered non-verbal ways of getting inside his "shell?" Maybe an extended stay with a friend might let him realize what it's like to be alone.

smoothy · Nov 19, 2009, 05:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockerchick26

I know that I haven't given a great deal of background information. Maybe because I don't want to drone on forever about the things in my relationship that bother me.

My husband is really independent and I like to think that I am too. I'm in grad school, work, have friends. Still, I realize that I am the needier party in the relationship.

The computer has been an issue our entire relationship. He is basically at it ALL the time. And I am not exaggerating here. He has dozens of non porn internet hobbies. I feel like we have very little interaction. I have tried to talk to him about it in a calm rational way. I usually get the responses "we would do more if we had money" and "i'm happy just to be in the same room together doing separate things."

My reason for going into all this non porn stuff is just to set the stage for the general situation. Every time I voice something that bothers me it always gets twisted into being MY issue or me being irrational. I don't really feel heard or that my feelings are being taken to heart.

Porn is just a part of the bigger picture I guess. It almost feels like the computer is an easy replacement for me. I probably sound nuts rambling on...

I'm thinking marriage counseling might be a good idea.

Well anytime you put two people together one will be be needier than the other....the trick is how much.

If you are still fairly recent newlyweds or living together...you will have the minor push and shove as each finds their niche they will settle into, and there will likely be some friction during that time. A good solid point to remember that will serve anyone that has to share a living space...is to remember that you each have a perspective, you each have your rights and you each have your expectations. And unless you have a strange Dom-Sub relationship you each will want to do things without begging for the others approval.

I'm not saying you can't talk about concerns, it never hurts to talk....but what I AM saying is know when to let something drop after its been brought up.

This can all be summed up in a simple quote "Choose your battles carefully". Or " Take care of the big things and the little things will take care of themselves".

Any couple will have minor conflicts and things that can be an irritant to the other. And if you focus on those points you will be unhappy, and the relationship WILL suffer as a result. But if you step back, realize you each have your own idiosyncrasies and don't hyper focus on the others while ignoring your own...you will find yourself with less stress and happier. Nobody likes being or even feeling dominated in a relationship.

True its not easy to learn, but everyone who has been married a long time will tell you that they have learned it.

I don't have any stats to back it up, and I really don't feel like looking for any. But I think a significant portion of divorces are the results of people that are hypercritical of others while thinking they themselves are perfect. Men and women both.

Married to a Porn Addict?

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