I have been dating a guy for 2 years now and again.....the feeling that may be gay has arised. He is the sweetest, hottest, sexiest most loving man that is AMAZING in the sack but some of his unspoken behaviors has led me to think he may be gay. He is a very handsome guy, very concerned about his looks, almost obsessive (has had eating disorders and body dismorphia in the past), loves fashion and knows his in that department, likes to be neat and tidy, clean, likes high end beauty products but doesn't sit in the mirror, and just recently overcame additctions and is sober. A lot of the following that I am about to described has happened in his days in which is was intoxicated (both alcohol and drugs) so I am not sure if that was the reason or just brought our the truth. In the past, during a game of truth or dare, with both men and women, he has asked the guys to get naked, ("because he thought that was funny). I found that odd. He mentioned in high school he kissed a guy on a dare. That it was all in fun and games. He seems to check out guys as they walk by or drive by and sometimes makes comments when looking thru magazines about how good looking a man is. He says that too many people are jealous and that he can just accept and appreciate beauty. But he seems to do it more with a man than a woman. He mentioned that one drug dealer would always ask him to give him oral but he never did. He was arrested one weekend in SD visiting a old friend after a night of drinking they got into a fight and he locked himself in his friends bedroom to keep him away and that the cops took him from the bedroom......naked.......which he said he probably was just in bed sleeping because he doesn't remember. I've seen him around a few of his friends ed up and they seem a little too friendly. I also remember when we first met, the style was 80's mod, tight jeans, etc and he would wear womens jeans. I always felt that he was hiding something from me and still to this day, he leaves the room to chat on the phone, I haven't really spent time with his family or friends. Now, I know I have messed around with women when I have been intoxicated but I am not gay, I just want to know if he is, and maybe he doesn't even know yet. More so, my first instinct when I met him was I knew I was in his life for a reason and I felt that that reason was to help him come out. That I didn't want to fall in love with him. Well I did and those initial feelings are coming back. I know he loves me and pleases me in bed (loves to give me oral) but I feel that with his upbringing (who his parents are - influential figures) I don't think, even if he figured it out, would ever come out. And maybe that's why he has addictions.
Please, any advice would be great, because I want to know am I making this up, losing my mind or should I trust my instincts (because for the most part are always right).
I have asked him before and he just said he wasn't gay. I can't commit because I can't deal with the fact that down the line, he just may be.
Not to be discouraging and all, but I signed up to this site just to answer your question, because I really can't stand the answers above that above posters's been giving. You mentioned something about him complimenting on looks of other men in magazines and him checking out other guys on streets/while driving. Those 2 things distinguished him as being bi. Because NO STRAIGHT GUY IN THE WORLD COMPLIMENT THE LOOKS OF OTHER GUYS. Only women does with other women and it's not strange, but guys, no. Anyway, bisexual people are sexually attractive to women and may be able to build quite a lasting relationship with them, but depening on his spectrum of bisexuality, he occasionally need to have sex with other men once in a while. Bisexual people are the ones that we find getting married, have kids, and also have a secret male lover that they keep on the side and get together once in a while. Ever seen Brokeback Mountain? That's exactly what they're like, although a lot of bisexual men don't like to have anal sex as far as I'm concerned. I could tell you with 99.99% certainty that your BF is definitely bi. Hope this helps to reassure you, because I really hate those comforting/neutral sounding answers that may put your judgement into dismay and potentially cause you to get into more serious problems later on.
I have been dating a guy for 2 years now and again.....the feeling that may be gay has arised. He is the sweetest, hottest, sexiest most loving man that is AMAZING in the sack but some of his unspoken behaviors has led me to think he may be gay. He is a very handsome guy, very concerned about his looks, almost obsessive (has had eating disorders and body dismorphia in the past), loves fashion and knows his in that department, likes to be neat and tidy, clean, likes high end beauty products but doesn't sit in the mirror, and just recently overcame additctions and is sober. A lot of the following that I am about to described has happened in his days in which is was intoxicated (both alcohol and drugs) so I am not sure if that was the reason or just brought our the truth. In the past, during a game of truth or dare, with both men and women, he has asked the guys to get naked, ("because he thought that was funny). I found that odd. He mentioned in high school he kissed a guy on a dare. That it was all in fun and games. He seems to check out guys as they walk by or drive by and sometimes makes comments when looking thru magazines about how good looking a man is. He says that too many people are jealous and that he can just accept and appreciate beauty. But he seems to do it more with a man than a woman. He mentioned that one drug dealer would always ask him to give him oral but he never did. He was arrested one weekend in SD visiting a old friend after a night of drinking they got into a fight and he locked himself in his friends bedroom to keep him away and that the cops took him from the bedroom......naked.......which he said he probably was just in bed sleeping because he doesn't remember. I've seen him around a few of his friends ed up and they seem a little too friendly. I also remember when we first met, the style was 80's mod, tight jeans, etc and he would wear womens jeans. I always felt that he was hiding something from me and still to this day, he leaves the room to chat on the phone, I haven't really spent time with his family or friends. Now, I know I have messed around with women when I have been intoxicated but I am not gay, I just want to know if he is, and maybe he doesn't even know yet. More so, my first instinct when I met him was I knew I was in his life for a reason and I felt that that reason was to help him come out. That I didn't want to fall in love with him. Well I did and those initial feelings are coming back. I know he loves me and pleases me in bed (loves to give me oral) but I feel that with his upbringing (who his parents are - influential figures) I don't think, even if he figured it out, would ever come out. And maybe that's why he has addictions.
Please, any advice would be great, because I want to know am I making this up, losing my mind or should I trust my instincts (because for the most part are always right).
I have asked him before and he just said he wasn't gay. I can't commit because I can't deal with the fact that down the line, he just may be.
Please help.
some guys are METROSEXUAL you should google it..and if he is gay he obviusly doesnt know what he wants yet lol
hes not gay i think you wish he was obviosly,cus if you loved him s0o0o very much you wouldnt be able to see things like that! your friends would be the one telling you he is gay!
I have been dating a guy for 2 years now and again.....the feeling that may be gay has arised. He is the sweetest, hottest, sexiest most loving man that is AMAZING in the sack but some of his unspoken behaviors has led me to think he may be gay. He is a very handsome guy, very concerned about his looks, almost obsessive (has had eating disorders and body dismorphia in the past), loves fashion and knows his in that department, likes to be neat and tidy, clean, likes high end beauty products but doesn't sit in the mirror, and just recently overcame additctions and is sober. A lot of the following that I am about to described has happened in his days in which is was intoxicated (both alcohol and drugs) so I am not sure if that was the reason or just brought our the truth. In the past, during a game of truth or dare, with both men and women, he has asked the guys to get naked, ("because he thought that was funny). I found that odd. He mentioned in high school he kissed a guy on a dare. That it was all in fun and games. He seems to check out guys as they walk by or drive by and sometimes makes comments when looking thru magazines about how good looking a man is. He says that too many people are jealous and that he can just accept and appreciate beauty. But he seems to do it more with a man than a woman. He mentioned that one drug dealer would always ask him to give him oral but he never did. He was arrested one weekend in SD visiting a old friend after a night of drinking they got into a fight and he locked himself in his friends bedroom to keep him away and that the cops took him from the bedroom......naked.......which he said he probably was just in bed sleeping because he doesn't remember. I've seen him around a few of his friends ed up and they seem a little too friendly. I also remember when we first met, the style was 80's mod, tight jeans, etc and he would wear womens jeans. I always felt that he was hiding something from me and still to this day, he leaves the room to chat on the phone, I haven't really spent time with his family or friends. Now, I know I have messed around with women when I have been intoxicated but I am not gay, I just want to know if he is, and maybe he doesn't even know yet. More so, my first instinct when I met him was I knew I was in his life for a reason and I felt that that reason was to help him come out. That I didn't want to fall in love with him. Well I did and those initial feelings are coming back. I know he loves me and pleases me in bed (loves to give me oral) but I feel that with his upbringing (who his parents are - influential figures) I don't think, even if he figured it out, would ever come out. And maybe that's why he has addictions.
Please, any advice would be great, because I want to know am I making this up, losing my mind or should I trust my instincts (because for the most part are always right).
I have asked him before and he just said he wasn't gay. I can't commit because I can't deal with the fact that down the line, he just may be.
Please help.
does he have a gay accent??
also I think a good way to find out is to set him up. do you know any really cute gay guys who may be his type?
If you don't want to do that bring a gay friend around and see if his gaydar goes off.
I did that to an ex of mine and my friend told me he was definitely gay so I questioned him and he denied. I dumped him anyway. He had way too many gay tendiencies which turned me off.
Not to be discouraging and all, but I signed up to this site just to answer your question, because I really can't stand the answers above that above posters's been giving. You mentioned something about him complimenting on looks of other men in magazines and him checking out other guys on streets/while driving. Those 2 things distinguished him as being bi. Because NO STRAIGHT GUY IN THE WORLD COMPLIMENT THE LOOKS OF OTHER GUYS. Only women does with other women and it's not strange, but guys, no. Anyway, bisexual people are sexually attractive to women and may be able to build quite a lasting relationship with them, but depening on his spectrum of bisexuality, he occasionally need to have sex with other men once in a while. Bisexual people are the ones that we find getting married, have kids, and also have a secret male lover that they keep on the side and get together once in a while. Ever seen Brokeback Mountain? That's exactly what they're like, although a lot of bisexual men don't like to have anal sex as far as I'm concerned. I could tell you with 99.99% certainty that your BF is definitely bi. Hope this helps to reassure you, because I really hate those comforting/neutral sounding answers that may put your judgement into dismay and potentially cause you to get into more serious problems later on.
man, i gotta laugh at this all for some reason.
"checking out guys on the street and in magazines" is not what i'd call straight guy stuff.
he is either bi/curious or very sexual.
not all guys are the same, and some are more affectionate and sensitive to other guys looks but this has happened enough to make you uncomfortable.
bottom line: i'd say accept it - or move on.....he ain't changin.
Xrayman: Please read my response again... "He had way too many gay tendiencies which turned me off." I didn't dump him because someone else said he was gay. lol
Need2know1: I thought about this last night before bed: If his gay tendencies don't turn you off I don't see a problem in your relationship, it seems like everything else is fine including your sex life and him being completely gay would definitely hinder your sex life. Maybe he's bi?? Even if so this isn't a problem. It doesn't make him less attracted to you being bi.
Chrissy: I chose to comment on that one point-there are others you stated which in my opinion are worse and perhaps make you seem even more shallow.
eg:
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does he have a gay accent??
what's that? a lisp? not all gay men in fact only a few have a lisp.
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also I think a good way to find out is to set him up.
set him up? what about asking honestly and with understanding?
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do you know any really cute gay guys who may be his type?
again to set him up??
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If you don't want to do that bring a gay friend around and see if his gaydar goes off.
not every gay person has a "gaydar" as evidenced by the posts to this forum from gay men asking if a possible "future boyfriend" is gay-shouldn't his gaydar gone off?
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I did that to an ex of mine and my friend told me he was definitely gay
case in point, setting people up rather than discussion with care. which would be a better solution perhaps??
I would however like to commend you on this advice though-it was good!
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Need2know1: I thought about this last night before bed: If his gay tendencies don't turn you off I don't see a problem in your relationship, it seems like everything else is fine including your sex life and him being completely gay would definitely hinder your sex life. Maybe he's bi?? Even if so this isn't a problem. It doesn't make him less attracted to you being bi.
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"checking out guys on the street and in magazines" is not what i'd call straight guy stuff.
he is either bi/curious or very sexual.
not all guys are the same, and some are more affectionate and sensitive to other guys looks but this has happened enough to make you uncomfortable.
bottom line: i'd say accept it - or move on.....he ain't changin.
WELL i think alot of guys are insecure and most guys that are gay are going to try and hide it! most likely if hes very open about somethings hes not gay wow!..but in germany guys compliment and check each other out all the time..being completely straight! i have a friend that models for a gay magazine called dna and hes not gay at all half of the men in that magazine arent gay..some ppl are just very open into trying different things! but if it makes you uncomfortable, why are you still with him?
some guys are METROSEXUAL you should google it..and if he is gay he obviusly doesnt know what he wants yet lol
hes not gay i think you wish he was obviosly,cus if you loved him s0o0o very much you wouldnt be able to see things like that! your friends would be the one telling you he is gay!
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