Hi,
I've been dating my boyfriend for over 9 months and we just started to have sex, let me think, a month ago.
Now here's what I am confused about and need help in:
I haven't had an orgasm... not even close and we've had sex over 15 times. I'm guessing this isn't enough? It still hurt until like the 6th time... then that went away.
Now, I'm not worried about not having one yet, its just my boyfriend is getting really down on himself because of this and I want to know if there is anything I can do. Because even though I'm not worried I am getting bored when we're having sex and I feel if I was to have an orgasm this boredom may go away. We do new things and he makes me feel very beautiful... soo I don't get why in the middle I get bored.
So I don't know exactly what I am saying; I just want to know is it too soon to get an orgasm and am I getting bored just because I haven't gotten one yet?

Takes work and practice.

Lets see... this just may be too graphic but whatever. It's the sexuality forum.

Can you stim yourself to have an orgasm? Good to know yes or no.

Tried diff positions? Unfortunately, what works for the guys doesn't always work for the girl. There's one position that is just money for me, but for the most part doesn't ever get a girl off.

My experience has been each woman may like very diff things. Have you changed positions? Put yourself on top? That can change the pressure points. Are your ears and neck sensitive to kissing or biting? What about fingers? Does it help if he uses his hands at the inside of your thighs near the groin or at your backside? All legit questions.

One girl hated breast stimulation early but loved it late. Same girl hated ear/neck biting stimulation at the wrong time but put your hands around her neck and it took it to the next level.

Also, of course, mental state and foreplay can help a lot. Unfortunately, you might be in a catch 22 right now, where you're so focused on getting off that you cannot. Been there with one girl and it sucked. You cannot lose yourself mentally in the moment. Nothing ever seemed to work for the longest time.

One girl I dated could constantly get off if she was on bottom, missionary, and I stimulated her cl_t with my fingers roughly about 2/3 the way through. Worked almost all the time. But I think she was just built diff than most. She could darn near get off in tight jeans. Unfortunately, the next girl HATED that kind of stimulation.

One girl I could get off about 70% of the time orally, but only maybe 30% of the time by sexual intercourse, and maybe that is even wishful thinking. Most of the time that meant going down on her to get her off or close, and then intercourse. She'd have a better chance if she rode on top.

Another girl I could never, ever get off orally, but did OK sexual intercourse, maybe half the time, and she's the only one I could have simultaneous orgasms with in any consistent manner... but what stim her also stim me so once she arrived I could quickly let go. Very rarely after her. She's also the only one that could get off w g spot stim w fingers.

So no easy answer. It sucks that what works for one person doesn't always work for the other.

And in all the above cases, if I just did what felt good to me and didn't have any input from the girl, the chances of getting her off were probably close to zero.

Try to keep his and your spirits up. After I dated the girl that could get off way too easy I dated a girl that took a lot more work and very different things. It was frustrating. But we worked some things out.

So you have to figure out what stimulates you. Mental state, positions, timing of things he's doing to you.

Good luck. Its supposed to be fun after all.

I have tried to stimulate myself... but it always seems to fade when I start lose confidence... sadly...
We've tried different siutations; we've done it standing up. Me on top. Him on top... other positions...
Well, the thing is that my boyfriend is new to this to that before we start having sex he does the rubbing over the pants and then the kissing and nibbling at my ears and necks... but during the deed... I don't know it kindof stops... is it possible that I get bored because it stops during intercourse?
Well, even though I am trying frequently to have an orgasm... my boyfriend doesn't know until way after that I was dissapointed with the outcome.
I know about my body... I just hate the fact that he's willing to learn.. if I show him... he won't research it for himself... is it bad to ask that of him... b/c as much as I am a very open person with him... I don't feel like I can take charge and show him what exactly to do... or is that the only way to go. I am still learning myself... but apparently I know more then him...
His spirits are shaken... and basically I know during sex he wants me to give me an orgasm... but what he does he just thrust really hard... and I finally told him that just hurts... he doesn't know what to do to give me an orgasm... and I'm afraid he's getting more upset about this every time we have sex.
What am I really to do? Because I don't want to treat him like an idiot... b/c he's not... but what I am to do... b/c I don't want sex to be a chore... I want to have as much pleasure as he is having... plus its getting annoying that I can get him off but he can't do the same thing for me...

While some guys might not like getting directions during sex, and obviously you'd prefer to not have to be a “traffic cop”, it is what it is… you are where you are.

Thrusting very hard probably won't ever work alone if it isn't now. I know that when I'm told “do this….that feels good”… I'm grateful. I'm not upset or mad. And next time I'll probably try that again if it worked.

Was a similar post few weeks ago. Here's the thread. You might want to read it:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=21516

The short answer is sex is always some discovery, especially when its newer and you're still figuring things out. I know a lot more now than I did starting and I've got a better chance of making things work out… but they still don't always work out. Even when you do everything "right”…. That's the problem. Its not step one, two, three most of the time.

So… my suggestion is to try to get him once to focus on you, not on himself. Try slower, try on top. Moving thumbs at the inside of your thighs can help with pressure sometimes. Before you have sex does it help if he rubs lotion over your back, legs, etc? He's got some work to do, obviously. The more you can help him the more you can help yourself. Also, if you can find how to stim yourself to get off you can better understand what feels good. If he won't stim your breasts or neck or cl_t at the right time can you do it with your own hands? The girl who was sensitive about her breasts always stim herself at the right time or asked for it. One would reach behind her at pressure points under her rear with her fingers whether on bottom or top. Suck on her finger when she's getting aroused and it sometimes pushed her over, sometimes not.

It'd be great if it all just worked out always. But I'm sure you can get to that place where you find what you need. Hopefully he can too.

I think that simply - you need to stop thinkng about the fact that your having sex - a just enjoy it. Masturbation also allows one to understand their own bodies, and your response to certain stimulation.
Don't be afraid to voice your opinion to your BF and instruct him to your needs.

Hey,
Very good responses to your question thus far.. I agree with them.
Just want to add a personal note, really putting myself out there with this one, because it's sort of graphic.
But, I when me and my boyfriend, (who is now my husband of three years,) first had sex, it was both our first time, and I can totally relate to what you are saying. We really had to experiment, but you have to relax and try to stay in the moment. Women need to be turned on more mentally and emotionally than men need to be. That being said, intercourse alone , for many women, will not result in an orgasm. You need to be in the mood, and when that's established, (this is the graphic.. ) many women need to be dually stimulated. I mean, have your guy stimulate your clitorus ( you have no idea how awkward this is for me to type this,. can you tell I was raised catholic? ) anyway, have him stimulate the front while having sex. Personally that is the only way I orgasm. The best position for this is him behind or on the side (ish) and have him do the reach around. Or if your comfortable you can do it yourself while you guys are having intercourse.
In the mean time, DO NOT get down on yourself. It bugs the hell out of me when women talk about ,"multiple orgasms," like they are the most common thing in the world. It makes the rest of us (the 98% of us) look bad. =)
Don't sweat it. And don't think about the act so much,, try to remember what it's representing instead.
good luck!

Firstly, I think you should relax more and enjoy while you are having sex. You can also tell him what you like most so yr boyfriend know what you like best rather than he explore himelf.

U can also try to maturbate yr self and find out what work best for u.

All the best to u.

Well I'm sure your b/f is still a boy & boys are not mature & do not have the experience or know how to please a woman.youre both quite young & I'm sure in time you will orgasm.but I of course can't guarantee it.good-luck.

Hi, roze,
Have you considered that your boyfriend isn't the person for you?
A man can "turn on" a woman with foreplay, and being very caring, wanting her to have the most that she can. Does your boyfriend do this?
He may not even know what he is doing... not very much experience. You can help him, by calming him down, and yourself, too. Stop trying so hard.
Relax, and tell him to relax. It will happen for you eventually, if you just relax, and if he will just hold you, carressing you, and helping you to relax.
It could be that things go "too fast" for you, while trying to have sex.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Hi, sorry for not replying to your comments. Been very extremely busy. Anyway, to answer all of you. I don't try to think of it much, but even if I am not. He finishes before I do or he shifts or I shift and I lose the feeling. I am not giving up, but getting very irritated. We haven't done the lotion stuff. But he has been trying to stimulate me before. The foreplay is great, but there is a pause and I lose the sensation. When we got without sex for awhile I can get really horny, but then my mood changes if something doesn't go well. What is wrong with me and this attitude? I feel like I am giving up and I don't want to. Having an orgasm seems like it would be so exhilerating and my b/f can't get enough. So either its just easy for him or I am doing a good job for him, but not myself and he wishes I would just focus on myself.

To fredg: I am only 18. I am ready to waitt and experience an orgasm with my boyfriend. To leave someone because he's not the one for me because of an orgasm... thats just not me. I love him too much.

Anyway, we tried a different condom, but awhile back when we got drunk he hurt himself down there (lost skin in a spot) and it is still healing. We tried again during our year anniversary, but it hurt too much. I am kindof wondering what happened and if I did anything.

But I still haven't had an orgasm. I have talked to my g/f's and one of them said it took awhile 2-3 years and once you have an orgasm you know you have. Because I have had some warm feelings thinking that I might have had one, but from what they said, I am beginning to think it wasn't.

What are your opinions and thoughts.

Honestly if you do not figure out your own body and actually show him and let him know what makes you feel good. Then it might never happen. The more relaxed you are the better. It does defiantly take practise and believe me in time both of you will be having orgasms at the same time, which is a very amazing experience. Let loose. Enjoy yourself and show your boyfriend what makes you feel good.

Joe

I think this will works for u. Firstly try to relax more and try maturbating yrself longer.

U can ask yr partner to lick and play with the clitoris more with finger or vibrators or even just by licking it directly. For guys who don't know where it is, it is at between the upper lip of the vigina lips. That the most sensitive part for girls. Try to play it about 3 to minutes or even more.

After this Try to use yr two fingers the middle finger and the other finger next to it. Then insert it as deep as possible then rise up yr fingers up. Next try to move in and out and remember to stay the position as to rub the "g" shot for longer period. Try to go for slow then after some times the slowly increse the speed. Continue it about 3 to 5 minutes or even more. It should bring u close to orgamn.

After this then continue with having sex and it should bring u to orgamn at the end of it.

Hope this works for u...

I personally think woman orgasm more through oral sex than intercourse.
Have u ever asked him to do that you? ;)
And while he is there he is touching you all over! :D
And after you've orgasmed then have intercourse.

well about the whole oral... haven't exactly done that. I am not ashamed, just again, very self conscious. I don't know it would feel very weird. He wants to, but every time I am either PMSing or its not the best place to do it (dorm room = roomie).
So haven't exactly had oral... but as u guys have said and my friends, it feels very good? Supposibly

well I guess trying whatever it takes will help... cause I really hate seeing him so defeated when he should be happy after... you know?

should I be self conscious when he's down there? I know he's not when I am, but it just... different in my opinion. Am I wrong to think so?

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Not right and wrong thing, all I can say is you should try to let him oral sex for u. Try it one time and really tries to enjoy it. Try to overcome it. This can be overcome but it take time. Not to hurry but I can confirm that you will like it after few or more tries... Wait for yr good news...

Omg!! I love oral... lol. It has been the only way for me to achieve mutipul orgasims... You can't say you don't like it till you try it so give it a try... and then just for good measure try it again. I'm sure that if you give it a chance without being tense about it you will enjoy it...

Many of my friends, and I have felt that way. You just kind of lie there till he's done, feeling bored. IF you can get him involved in some very passionate foreplay it could help, it did for me. It gets easier as you do it, maybe you could tell him to slow it down a little, after all, you want to enjoy it too! :)