I am a happily married, 2 kids, dog, large house in the suburbs, great job, etc. woman with a ton of friends. I have one friend - female - who I trust more than anyone else except my DH. Lately however, I find myself sexually attracted to this woman. Mind you, I love and respect my husband and would never ACT on this, but the feelings are there. She's also happily married with three kids... but she is very affectionate, lots of hugs and every once in a while, she'll kiss me gently on the lips when we say goodbye...

Has anyone ever experienced this? I also think about her quite a bit (we talk almost every day, for hours...)

skip2

As for not trusting people, I would say don't go too far in your sadness right now. There is no reason to be rash. You are hurting. many new friends are coming your way. don't close yourself off.

damaged people make us feel what THEY feel. it's one of the crazy ironies of life.

Once you know that, you can begin to move on and discover new things and new friends.

JacintaBlue2004

Dont put your marrige in jeporady girl. You can be attracted to people and not act on it. Leave it be.

robertsqueen

I had a friend that I was really close and affectionate with, I grew feelings for her, but I think that is just how weman are. When we let people in to far we grow attacched. and one day she told me that she didn't want me in her life. It hurts I know, I can't trust the same, but the thing is that maybe she is scared, and confused? Does she have kids and a family herself? The best thing that you can do is focus on your family.

Maricruz

I would never act on it... not worth it. She does have kids (teens) and is married. My main thing is why the sudden switch in attitude, and when I did ask all I got was a "I don't want to talk about it".
All I keep thinking is: this is what I get for being nice to people... so no more Mrs. Nice Girl... I'm tired of getting hurt...

Ash123

maria,

here's some tough love: YOU ARE OVERREACTING.

you had a crush on someone you felt connected with - and you are bitter.

I would bet dollars to donuts that your "friend" does this a lot. she is DAMAGED. have the maturity to see that. your kids depend on your wisdom.

do not shut out the world because of this.....

kp2171

i disagree. i think being genuine and expecting and demanding more from others is fine.

yes... it hurts like hell when others fall short.

but, you didnt do anything in particular wrong. now, if your marriage needed the energy and interest that you were channeling into the fantasy/relationship... well then thats a problem...

but dont kick yourself for the times you were there for others and they turned their back on you.

best case... she really does care for you, but she needs a break before something really life changing happens.

Maricruz

Thanks for the tough love guys... my family will never be shut out - they are too darn cute and important. And my teenage son will tell you that we do waaay much more family things than his friends, and my husband is a gem.
What I meant is that I don't want to get hurt again, so I don't think I'll ever risk getting close to a friend as much as I did here. What I mean by close is not physical, it was more on the spiritual level and maybe that's where the feelings started... When this person had her gloomy moments, I always kidded her out of it, or dragged her out for a walk with the respective dogs, or left goofy messages on her cell phone (jokes, riddles...). And for the record, not to sound defensive, I wasn't the one who started the hand holding... I am very affectionate myself, so I never thought anything about it...

Maricruz

Do you mean that she does the getting close/shutting out a lot? Would make a lot of sense..

kp2171

well...

we are all winging it you know....

even those of us who have all the answers...

so i think you are going to be fine. you might need to not be so open to another for a bit.

my guess is youll get back there someday.... its probably your nature. or maybe youll pull back just a bit.

again... we are all masters of improv... or amateurs at best maybe.

Ash123

TOUGH LOVE #2:

Your friend has done this before...
I AM SURE OF THIS. SO DON"T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
SHE RUNS WHEN PEOPLE GET CLOSE BECAUSE OF HER PAST.

But what i meant was:
YOU should never shut the world out because of this. it's VERY SELFISH.
SORRY. i know you are hurt, but to say because a friend hurt you, you will never
share deeply. that's not fair or right.

I PROMISE YOU: your friend is damaged. and you are acting that way too. you got addicted to her "dark moments" and fell in love. 3 months from now you will be fine....DON'T BE SO DRAMATIC. be a good mom and take some time to heal. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. SHE JUST PASSED ON HER DYSFUNCTION. it's classic...

take a deep breath. and be a lot braver. please. that's what being a good person and mom is - risk because you care...not because what's in it for you....

As for your kids, lead by example: Do you want them to lock the door and stay inside if one of their friends is mean to them....

C'Mon MariCruz!