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About a year ago I acted out one of my husbands fantasies of me being with a girl but he initiated the whole thing. I didnt think he would want me to do it again. However, now he is wanting me to and when I tell him I'm not ready to again or that I dont want to right now he gets really angry and says that I'm boring. This hurts because I feel he should respect me enough to not want me to do it if I dont want to yet. We have a good sex life 4-5 times a week and we have 3 children. I do want to do it again but want to feel in the mood or comfortable with the person I decide to do it with. I am VERY shy and it is hard for me to actually try to start things up....I can barely strike up a normal conversation with someone much less a sexual start up so when I ask him to come up with a way he can start it for me he gets mad about that.....How should I handle this?? We have been together for almost 9 years.
Basicly, have you explained it to him in exactly these same terms....and add that if you feel pressure at all its not going to happen because it turns you off to the topic.
Personally he should respect the fact you aren't ready and not get upset with you. I feel a couple should be able to ask or say anything to their partner. But also that the partner is under no obligation to agree with it. A mature adult won't be getting upset when they can't have everything they want, exactly when they want it. Most guys have fantasized about this but very few have actually got to do it even once much less multiple times.
Stick to your guns in that its on YOUR schedule, when YOU are ready, and if YOU are ready. If he can't deal with it then tough.....try to steer the conversation towards something else before he has a chance to get worked up. While I commend you for having an open mind, he has to learn a bit of self control based on his reactions.
In my opinion you have done nothing wrong. And he has by being childish and calling you boring and getting upset when he can't have his fetish when he wants it. You are in control of your body, its your domain to control, not his.
I'd calmly say you aren't feeling up to it right now and steer the discussion to another topic to diffuse any arguments from him.
Tell him that the NEXT time, you'd like it to be sex with him and another guy at the same time, and since he got HIS fantasy (of you sleeping with another woman) you should get YOUR fantasy.
If that doesn't shut him up, then take it to a marriage counselor.
Tell him that the NEXT time, you'd like it to be sex with him and another guy at the same time, and since he got HIS fantasy (of you sleeping with another woman) you should get YOUR fantasy.
If that doesn't shut him up, then take it to a marriage counselor.
It's funny how men would say 'NO WAY!' in a situation like that but would love nothing more than their wife/girlfriend in sexual contact with another woman.
Your husband is abusing you verbally and sexually. For some reason, you are accepting being treated like dirt.
Time to get a backbone; start with some therapy from a *good* therapist. You must have a life apart from what you have going now....the role of *wife* and *mother*. You are much more than acting out these two roles....you are a beautiful woman who needs to recapture her sense of self and sense of wonder!
Choux slides into home plate and not only wins the game but visits upon you a reality which you must trust. Some can never have just one potato chip let alone the bathing of one's entire personage in a warm pool of testosterone, pheromone and other exotic spices.
Just tell him no, tell him it is not for you, and that divorce court can be the next stop if he wants to continue to bother you about it.
Perhaps going a few weeks with NONE will make him care for for what he has
thats the danger of crossing a line sexually... its hard to go back mentally. that said, you did nothing wrong...
he is being a jerk, and you are being true to your feelings. hopefully he will get a clue sooner than later.
so he has a fetish. welcome to the club!
maybe your fetish is to be fed a fantastic dinner with a nice glass of wine, massaged by him for an hour, and then gotten off with soft oral after a hot shower.
and if he denies you, maybe he's boring. more likely lazy.
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