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Stac33 · Dec 19, 2006, 08:48 AM

My husband and I have tried to get frisky 2 nights ago and he had an erection when we were fooling around, but then it went away. It would not come back and I was VERY upset and so was he. Thinking it was a fluke we tried again last night and he started to, but it went away. I don't know what to do.
PLEASE HELP!! :(

Starman · Dec 19, 2006, 05:25 PM

When that happens it is usually due to distracting psychological concerns. One of these is concentrating too much on maintaining the erection which interferes with the erotic stimulation itself. One of the things that can trigger this self perpetuating cycle is criticism from a sexual partner. Another is failure to perform itself which can trigger anxiety about it happening again.

In any case, he should first see a urologist in order to definitely cancel out a physical cause. Once that is done then the mental part can be addressed. As his wife try not t make too much of an issue about it since that might increase the anxiety and perpetuate the problem.

Here is a brief list of other psychological causes:

Inhibited sexual desire

Anxiety Disorders

Depression

Mental fatigue

Stress

Guilt

Relationship problems

There is more information at the following site:

http://n479ad.doubleclick.net/imp;v7...17;w=720;h=300

J_9 · Dec 19, 2006, 05:30 PM

Starman is pretty much on point here. However, prior to seeng a urologist, I have to ask if he is on any medications. Meds can cause these problems.

Stac33 · Dec 20, 2006, 08:03 AM

He is not on any meds. He just turned 34. I know he is very upset about this. I never say ANYTHING about his performance. He just has it on the brain now. I don't know if he'll ever get over it.

J_9 · Dec 20, 2006, 08:06 AM

Stac,

If he'll never get over it then he needs some counseling. This is common in men from time to time as they get older. Also, if he had been drinking alcohol, this could contribute.

However, I would suggest he see a urologist, since he is not on any meds, to rule out an elarged prostate gland.

chuff · Dec 22, 2006, 09:06 PM

I know nothing about this subject but maybe an exercise program would help? Just throwing it out there.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 22, 2006, 09:35 PM

First as we get older, it sometimes just happens, and if there was too much stress over it, ( everyone got upset) then it adds more stress for the next time, and if that has a problem, more trouble the next time also.

He perhaps had some other position or during foreplay when it changed, his mental fantisy was broken.

Next of course it could be a stress from work, stress over some money issues, stress over gophers in the yard, anything that is a issue in his life right now.

He could have some unknown medical issue,

He needs a full medical exam

And yes there are some great wonder drugs for this, sometimes these wlll only be needed temp to get over some issues and performance comes back by itself,

crickle83 · Dec 22, 2006, 09:41 PM

This could be a number of things. For one, sometimes we just lose interest. This has happened with me and my partner before. When it has I never make a big deal of it I will just return to foreplay, maybe use oral sex or other things that excite him and then try again, try not to let the moment die. Also, it has happened to me before... I don't have a penis so there is no real evidence, but sometimes if someone is not doing what I like I will lose interest before it is over. Try something new! Also, if I happened once your partner might be stressing that it will happen again, therefore creating a self-fulfilling prophesy. Stress itself, whether due to this or something else can do funny things to your body. Some other courses of action, other than new things in bed, could be to see a counsellor or a doctor. I would try medications as a last resort.

samsclub · Dec 24, 2006, 09:02 PM

This happened with my mom and dad. Later they found out that he had high blood pressure and diabetes. I am not saying he has this but I thought I would just let you know.

429729 · Jan 2, 2007, 12:30 AM

This was a regular occurrence in my relationship... I have noticed that it is probably due to the guy being nervous about going soft--

After the first time it happened I got offended and hurt--and I think this REALLY affected this situation because my boyfriend got very nervous about going soft and it became a repetitive occurrence

I used to get upset whenever it happened, but I noticed that when he went sof, and I didn't say anything at all and acted like it wasn't a big deal it made a drastic difference... for instance if he goes soft say something encouraging that shows you are not upset, ie: "you're turning me on, hurry and get hard because I can't wait much longer"

I noticed that since I stopped making it an issue & ever since I let him know that I was no longer upset by this that he has not lost his erection!! Sure it may take some time for him to not feel self-conscious & get over his fear of upseting you, but trust me it works!