My husband and I have alot of sex but never make love. My problem is it is boring and predictable. I have tried everything to spice it up. How do I get him to become a better lover? I had a brief affair and the intimacy was THE BEST I have ever experienced. I ended it because I don't want another I want my spouse and I want it to be phenominal at least sometimes. He wonders why I don't want it more often. I have tried to talk to him and I have told him exactly what I want and he continues to do things exactly the same with no effort to change. Please help....any and all advice appreciated.

smoothy

Well you really have to get him to want it as well, like the song says. "It takes two babe..."

Luckily I learned this when I was 18 with a girlfriend....and her girlfriend. Was a real shock at the time but I got an education of a lifetime thats served me well.

I haven't seen either of them since 1981 but will never forget them.

Luckily my wife is also interested in keeping things spiced up as well so I can honestly say I am likely way above average in satisfaction there even with 16 years in the marriage.

We both entertain each others ideas and give them a try. Like the saying goes, we'll try anything once, twice if we like it.


Find out what catches his interest....pick one thing..then another, one step at a time. Hopefully he will take the que.

EnglishRose

letmetellyou that was one of the bluntest answers I have read on here but sadly it was spot on. I have been trying to deal witht this exact problem with my partner for months now and it has come to the point where I told him I would leave if nothing changed. Nothing changed so I have left him even though this was the man I wanted to marry. I thought the shock would change him but if anything it just caused arguements we never would have had and I had to leave. I'm really trying to tell myself that I have done the right thing. I just couldn't go on the way things were. I was having to think about other things and other people to get myself off and I grew tired of getting no sexual attention. I started to lose my confidence which affected every aspect of my life.

kepi

Thinking you can change people is the biggest mistake one can make when going into a relationship.

Manny Mo

Tease him! Don't just give it up to him. Make him work for it. He might find this exciting and can lead into some fun games you can play together. Most men are lazy when it comes to sex. They just want to get their rocks off and thats it. But if you play hard to get then it will force him to stop being lazy and help add some excitement for both of you. They may not like it at first, but don't give in. Make him give in to your needs. If he won't make that extra effort to please you then why should you do the same for him. Marriage is 50 50 and not 90 10.

Parajr

I have read research that state that over fifty percent of all aspects of love making is ninety percent mental. To say this simply over half of all aspects of sex is majority mental. The short affair probobably seemed so hott because it was frobidden fruit. give your husband a chance. if you think that he sucks he will suck. try sexual counseling, as long as the physical aspects are there it can work.

fix-what-you-broke

i have noticed a lot of these threads with near enough the same title..my mans is a rubbish lover,my hubby is rubbish in bed, i have still to notice one that says "our" sexlife is dull.it takes two to tango,why is he the bad lover and not both of you? he may be thinking the exact same of you.
communicate,tell him how important it is and he will get the message, guide him and tell him what you want and how you want it, men are not mind readers and i believe they shouldnt take all the blame for a dull sex life which you are BOTH involved in.

Lotz_of_Questions

TOUCH HIM and GUIDE HIM.
When you are cooking and he comes home, ask him to get close. Grab his hand and put it on your breast.
Get him from behind and grab his package.
Softly run your finger one the inside of his hand.
Just try different things through out the day to make him want some. And then at night tease him. Give him oral, if he says he doesn't want to give you any, when you are giving him, turn around and do 69.
You can send him a nasty text message or just say. You Me Tonight...Can't Wait.
Little things like that. Guys don't understand that we just don't get statified with simple sex.
Good Luck

sexcccy013lv

try playing sex games play act out pretend your a whore he has to pay for, or blindfold him,and tease him to a point where he cant hold out, vise versa. see i was the same way after 20 years of doing different things to my husband and him doing to me i went for a24 year old after 20 years of marriage the sex was boring so now im 40 starting al over again 4 kids with my husband and now 9 month old baby with my boyfriend see thats what happens after nothing else works so if u dont want a new man and a new family try new acts

pmatt

Did you husband find out about the affair?

I would say communincate and tell him that what you don't like abou his bedskills,

thikn about telling him about the affair too.

Matt3046

How does he feel about your sex life?