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My husband and I have alot of sex but never make love. My problem is it is boring and predictable. I have tried everything to spice it up. How do I get him to become a better lover? I had a brief affair and the intimacy was THE BEST I have ever experienced. I ended it because I don't want another I want my spouse and I want it to be phenominal at least sometimes. He wonders why I don't want it more often. I have tried to talk to him and I have told him exactly what I want and he continues to do things exactly the same with no effort to change. Please help....any and all advice appreciated.
Well, hard as it is to admit Sweetmelissa & whiteladybug, I'm the male version of you two. And it's been this way for 25 years. Yes we have communication and so on .... it's just how things are. I'll leave it at that.
I'm so very sorry for your situation and believe me, it's not easy to deal with!
I would try to spice things up before you two part. Give him a knock your socks off kiss, or whisper something dirty into his ear that you want to do to him before you walk out the door. Another thing to try is write him a naughty email or text message telling him how bad you want him and what you are going to do to him.
intimacy doesnt have to started in bed.... and it sounds like there is an expectation that it will be bad, no matter what.... it is a given...and sometimes it is doomed before you are even doing anything, just by your attitude, knowing it is not good enough....
So I would suggest a sex therapist.... they will help you start over.... relearn each other, yourself, and it can be fun things the therapist suggests. You will also learn to communicate, which brings the intimacy, even non verbal!!
If you dont go to counseling, I suggest taking the pressure off sex, and just build intimacy. Think about what makes you feel close to someone... etc... cause if you keep your same doomed mindset, it will never be the way you want.
Has anyone actally been to a sex therapist? I have the same problem, but I'm not even married yet! I'm just not sure this will work because I can barely get him to talk to me never mind a stranger but I have tried EVERYTHING!!!
Why are so many men bad in bed?
The same reason so many men are bad at communicating with their S/O:
They put emotional connection secondary - unless it's of the son/mother kind:
see also Sigmund Freud.
Yikes. So, What can you do?
Take control. Do not expect a ham-fisted, wham-bam-thank-you-maam guy to suddenly become mr. velvet in the satin sheets....
BUT next time he is "in the mood" or you are - do it by YOUR rules....don't be afraid to act out what turns you on. and pleasure yourself however you wish. say whatever you want. do not hold back.....and yes, make sure he gets to the finish line too...he'll wonder: "What the hell was that?!" maybe you will give him more. maybe you won't....if he learns what you like - he may get more
My husband and I have alot of sex but never make love. My problem is it is boring and predictable. I have tried everything to spice it up. How do I get him to become a better lover? I had a brief affair and the intimacy was THE BEST I have ever experienced. I ended it because I don't want another I want my spouse and I want it to be phenominal at least sometimes. He wonders why I don't want it more often. I have tried to talk to him and I have told him exactly what I want and he continues to do things exactly the same with no effort to change. Please help....any and all advice appreciated.
I am in the same boat. My husband is the only man I have ever had sex with but I know what I want and after 17 years together he still does not know how to please me. He is a very selfish lover and talking does not help. GOOD LUCK.
Frankly, some men really don't like hearing they're not doing it right. I can only hope that the advice of some of these fine people works for you. Just remember to remain honest about the sex problems with your husband. But don't pressure him too much, because that can cause problems of their own--so long as he's making an effort, coax him along gently.
My husband and I have alot of sex but never make love. My problem is it is boring and predictable. I have tried everything to spice it up. How do I get him to become a better lover? I had a brief affair and the intimacy was THE BEST I have ever experienced. I ended it because I don't want another I want my spouse and I want it to be phenominal at least sometimes. He wonders why I don't want it more often. I have tried to talk to him and I have told him exactly what I want and he continues to do things exactly the same with no effort to change. Please help....any and all advice appreciated.
To many men do not understand how the female body works. It is not that they are not good lovers they just do not know what to do.
Men don't understand that a good night of sex may begin with him caring out the trash earlier that morning, maybe followed up buy a phone call durning the day telling her how much he loves her, and it would not hurt a thing to take her out to dinner that night. But that is not what a lot of men think, he thinks get in bed naked, that tells her what he wants, roll over on her and tries to slip it in, it won't go so he spits on his hand to lubricate things, then he slips in and after a few pumps he is through. Then he might ask "Was it good for you:?
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