My husband is a terrible lover

Enigma1999 · Jan 7, 2011, 07:40 AM

No Pam, not wrong at all.

You are human and have need and desires.

First of all, STOP faking it!

Have you sat down and communicated what you have told us?

If so, then what does he say other than his size?

Being married, you should be able to be open with him and tell him that YOU want to be made love to. You want him to hold, kiss, and caress you.

Maybe he needs guidence, for you to place his hands on your breasts gently. Show him how you want it. Tell him to kiss you slowly and passionately. Demand this of him..

Has he always been this way?

Is he stressed out?

How old are you two and how long have you been married?

Cat1864 · Jan 7, 2011, 07:57 AM

To get a better idea of the issues, how old are both of you and how long have you been married?

First thing to do is stop 'faking it'. It sends mixed messages to tell him you need different stimuli and at the same time making him think he is doing it right. You can't expect him to do better when you are telling him he is doing well.

Second, sit him down and talk to him about each of your sexual needs when you aren't in the bedroom or expecting sex. Be honest with him that you aren't getting what you need.

Are you getting him aroused and then expecting him to get you aroused or are you working together?

Sex doesn't have to be a serious matter. There are many books and games that can show you both how to have fun and enjoy discovering each other. Perhaps a sexual version of 'Follow the Leader' where you show him how you want to be touched and have him touch you that way.

martinizing2 · Jan 24, 2011, 05:31 AM

Honesty and communication are the keys to good relationships.

First , I suggest you work on your communication. Since honesty and communication are essential in a good relationship ,
you need to be more proficient at both.
When you fake it, you are not being honest. If you can't discuss it, it won't get better.

If your husband is a wonderful guy then he should be considerate enough to be sure you are happy with your sex life, and strong enough to take constructive criticism about where he is lacking.

As the others have pointed out, stop faking! Deal with reality, if he is too rough tell him. Or when he does the things you like , tell him.....more of that.
Most men like to be given hints or told outright what is wanted or expected.

And on the other hand it seems most women will not tell you if you're not doing well. They will tell their friends

smoothy · Jan 24, 2011, 06:22 AM

Faking it only makes him believe he's doing it right.

Women are complicated creatures..(as in few if any women like the same exact thing the same exact way)..most of us guys aren't offended by gentile and passionate guidance to your likes and dislikes, particularly early in the relationship.

Conversely, come back 10 years later out of the blue after faking it all that time saying we don't know squat...THAT will be taken highly offensively.

We learn what you like and dislike by your body language and verbal feedback.

Misdirect us and we aren't going to learn what you like and how you like it.

We really aren't good at reading minds.

martinizing2 · Jan 24, 2011, 06:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by martinizing2

Honesty and communication are the keys to good relationships.

First , I suggest you work on your communication. Since honesty and communication are essential in a good relationship ,
you need to be more proficient at both.
When you fake it, you are not being honest. If you can't discuss it, it won't get better.

If your husband is a wonderful guy then he should be considerate enough to be sure you are happy with your sex life, and strong enough to take constructive criticism about where he is lacking.

As the others have pointed out, stop faking! Deal with reality, if he is too rough tell him. Or when he does the things you like , tell him.....more of that.
Most men like to be given hints or told outright what is wanted or expected.

And on the other hand it seems most women will not tell you if you're not doing well. They will tell their friends

But won't tell the man. (this post is missing the last few paragraphs......I blame the site because operator related defects do not occur on my PC.)

PassionforPam · Jan 24, 2011, 06:48 AM

I am 36 and have been married 16 years. My husband has been my only lover...I was a virgin when we married. I had my first orgasm last year, via vibrator. I hid the vibrator from him for a long time, because he thought it was horrible that I would need something other than him...but finally I brought it out and said I am using this...would like it if we used it together. We have tried a couple of times, but he gets a little carried away...

I have tried telling him how I feel...but he acts so hurt that I eventually give up. Early in the marriage I didn't even want to have sex...so I did my "wifely" duties when required. Then I realized that wasn't fair to him. So I have slowly changed. I try to be a more generous lover...I kiss, give my lots of oral sex, which he loves, compliment him...but it is the same for him. He likes oral sex...but he doesn't know when to stop and go on to something else...I will try to hint...like I need you now!...etc...but to no avail. Then I end up drying out and the actual sex act isn't pleasant.

I really don't know what to do. I use to think that it was a good thing that I "saved" myself for marriage...now I feel like I have missed out and will never experience true passion.

martinizing2 · Jan 24, 2011, 06:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Faking it only makes him believe he's doing it right.

Women are complicated creatures..(as in few if any women like the same exact thing the same exact way)..most of us guys aren't offended by gentile and passionate guidance to your likes and dislikes, particularly early in the relationship.

Conversely, come back 10 years later out of the blue after faking it all that time saying we don't know squat...THAT will be taken highly offensively.

We learn what you like and dislike by your body language and verbal feedback.

Misdirect us and we aren't going to learn what you like and how you like it.

We really aren't good at reading minds.

We're good at things like%2

smoothy · Jan 24, 2011, 06:57 AM

Its not always about what you say......but HOW you say it.

Tone and choice of words can mean everything.

If he's taking offense.....possibly reevaluate what you said and how you said it to him.

Unless he is the hopelessly thin skinned type that can't take any critisism or guidance from anyone without it being personal to him.

JudyKayTee · Jan 24, 2011, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chipsdigitalpc

That is terrible. . My girlfriend and I are straight freaks, yo. Toys, fantasies. My favorite is to break up the sex with oral, go to something else (like a toy) while I tounge her very clean anus. She cums a river, then I finally feel free to let go in her mouth or butt

And what is your advice to people who are not "straight freaks, yo"? Her husband apparently doesn't want to hear what she has to say.

So your advice in this instance is ...

My husband is a terrible lover

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