I‘m already dealing with a narcissist husband, but now I‘m really getting concerned about whether his behavior is "normal" male behavior or if there is something really wrong with him mentally. Here are the things I‘m concerned with:

He seems to have an obsession women wearing leather high heel boots. He seems to spend every minute he can "sneaking" onto the internet to watch porn, almost always involving women in thigh high boots & leather and dressed like dominatrix‘s. He gets on Craigslist and searches out people selling thigh high boots and asks them for photos. He‘s texted photos back and forth of boots with other people.

When we were still dating, (before I knew about all this) he bought me a pair of boots. I wasn‘t into that kind of thing, but I wore them anyway. All the sudden, every time I did, he was so "lovey dovey" and almost worshipped me for days afterwards. I kind of liked the attention and it didn‘t seem all that bad at first, even though what I really wanted was romantic, sweet, loving sex. After we got married and I moved in, that‘s when I started finding out that this wasn‘t just a funny little thing he seemed to like.

Things got weird. I let him take a few photos, not naked, but not the kind of thing you don't want anyone else to see. I made him promise that he would never show anyone else. A year later, I walked into my office where he‘d been using the computer. He forgot to sign-out of his Flickr account and what did I see? A photo of me that he said he‘d never show anyone, with all kinds of sick comments from other men. According to all the comments, apparently my husband has some secret desire to watch me with another man, yet he is the most jealous person I have ever met. I did some searching on the computer and found that he‘d been exchanging all the photos of me with several other people over Yahoo messenger. When I told him I saw the photos on Flickr, he promised to delete them and acted like he did nothing wrong. They‘re still there and just recently I found out that my photo is posted in RateMyWifey.com too. (Some sick site where men share photos of their wives for other men to comment on)

He also wanted me to wear one of the boots & leather outfits in public. I did it once, before we were married, I thought it was more of a joke than anything. But he was obsessed with me doing it again and kept bringing it up for a couple years afterwards. He doesn‘t anymore, but I‘ve since told him that I want NOTHING to do with any of that. It creeps me out after everything I‘ve seen.

I‘ve caught him on collarme.com, a BDSM dating type of website. He said he was just "screwing around" on there one day and he doesn‘t go there anymore. I know for a fact that he still has an active profile and he's on it several times a month. He‘s tried to meet with women on there. As far as I can tell, the worse he‘s done is had a girl dress in boots in a public place and then gone to just to see her but never talked to her. He‘s offered to buy them boots though. I don't know if he actually has.

I caught him calling sex chat lines. He said he only called a few times and it was just ‘funny‘. I see the bill, it was more than a few times. For years now, I‘ve seen all kinds of weird numbers on our bill from his phone. Whenever I Google the numbers, they‘re linked to either Craigslist listings for boots, or for shoe repair shops, or for online retailers of thigh high boots. I think this is more than a sick obsession. I have no desire to have sex with him anymore. From what a friend of his said, this is the same scenario that happened with his ex-wife. He got weird, she no longer wanted sex. He left her. Now he‘s complaining all the time that we don‘t have sex very often. How can I?? I‘ve tried to explain this to him, that it‘s just weird and creeps me out and his narcissistic side comes out and he tries to make it like I‘m the weird one, with no labido, or that I don‘t love him (I should feel sorry for him), etc. I know we need counseling of some sort, but he is a classic narcissist, "nothing is ever his fault" so I don‘t see it doing any good. I am kind of stuck here, I can‘t afford to divorce him, I can‘t afford to raise my daughter on my own. I try to keep things as normal as possible for her sake. Am I in danger here? Or just stuck in crappy situation? Would it be this way with ANY man? This just doesn't seem right. Especially that he doesn't seem to care that he keeps getting caught.