My husband met and married the first woman he dated. They were married for 20 years, she hated sex and would only "service" his needs at prescheduled times, "8:00 to 8:20" for example. During that time, she would give him head, once he put a condom on of course.

When I came into the picture, he seemed a bit uninterested in normal sex and always wanted me to dress up and play act. So I did, and really felt uncomfortable about it, I thought it was a bit strange for people to do that. His biggest fantasy is to *** on my face and have anal sex. I only let him have anal sex with me twice because it hurts and I hate it. But he cums on my face at least once a month and I hate that too, and he knows it but gets pouty if I don't let him do it.

He says that for every time we have normal sex for me, that he should get to *** on my face or do what he wants to do because normal sex is for me not him. I told him that it makes me feel cheap and that it's gross, but he doesn't seem to care. He watched porn and seems to want to act out what they do.

Worst of all, when he wants sex (I don't even want sex anymore) we have to make an appointment like he and his ex did. He wants me to put on certain clothing and heels and he really looks forward to having sex on the day we've agreed to. But it's usually something like him me noticing him ignoring me, not making eye contact, basically barely speaking to me giving me the cold shoulder. When I ask what is wrong, he says nothing,. I have to keep asking before he finally says that we haven't had sex in a week.

Oh, okay so then I say we can have sex tonight because I'm not working that night.. so the dress is laid out on the bed, and it's time to have sex his way.

1. He sits back on the couch. I sit beside him.

2. I go to him, find his face and kiss him on the lips because he's too shy to come to me, fear of rejection he says because his ex used to reject him all the time.

3. Try to nail down eye contact because he is looking at the wall, the ceiling, the floor or his eyes are just closed and not looking into mine.

4. He rubs my back or arm or leg with one hand

5. I usually just start giving head because I really just want the whole experience to be over, buy myself a good 3 or 4 days before I have to do it again.

6. Other times, he thinks he can turn me on so he does the old favs like rubbing my breasts and then going down on me, but I am not emotionally turned on so nothing physical will help at this point.

7. He may have sex with me for awhile, but not ***, And after he does that he always wants me to give him head, so I have to taste myself which I hate.

8. Then the big presentation, the act of ******* on my face. I cringe, close my eyes and actually whimper a bit because I know it's coming and I hate it, hate it hate it! He sees that but still wants it.

I told him last night, as I was laying there lifeless and feeling used, that I haven't been turned on for 4 years and that he needs to be more assertive and spontaneous. I told him that I don't like making appointments for sex and planning everything, but I told him that 6 years ago so he already knows I don't like it.

I told him that I want a man to approach me, hold my face in his hands and tell me he wants me, look into my eyes and to be more masculine and assertive sexually. Of course he tried to blame me saying that it is not normal to do that. I reminded him that he has only been with one other woman in his life, I have been with many men. He tried to blame it on the men I have been with, saying they are not normal.

He gets mad at me for things I say and pouts around for days. He knows I get anxious when he ignores me and treats me like a child. He is a school teacher and scoulds me.

In the end, he seemed to come around. I asked him if he was mad at me, he said "no". Then we went to bed but he couldn't have been colder. This morning, a pouting look of disappointment on his face and barely speaking to me. This is the guilt trip he puts on me, he knows I will feel bad for telling him my feelings about our sex life.

We are in couples theraphy at the moment. The therapist told him that he doesn't treat me like an individual but rather an object that fits into in his family (he has two kids) to meet a goal. He was devistated with his wife left him, family was everything to him and he is very goal oriented, a perfectionist and organised. I am more of a free spirit.

He denied that he thinks of me as an object, but the therapist picked it up and I agreed with him. Whenever I don't tow the line, he tells me to leave and says he doesn't want to live with me anymore. The house is his but we've lived together for 7 years, so it is not MY home.

The thing is that he doesn't seem to realise the way he's behaving. He can't see any faults in himself. He is a good man in his everyday life, he means well but is so messed up.