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KISS · Sep 10, 2007, 08:27 PM

Homegirl: You don't have a prostrate.
Badmama: He's probably hiding it where you're least likely to find it. Be open-minded. He aparently knows it's not your cup of tea. No harm done, right?

GoldieMae · Sep 10, 2007, 08:38 PM

My guess is that your husband is embarrassed that he is pleasured by something that you find unpleasant or disapprove of. If you found three, and two of them were in the closet, they are for his use. It doesn't make him gay, it doesn't mean he wants to cheat on you. It's just the way he likes to masturbate.

I'm pretty sure this is quite difficult for him. He probably feels ashamed, even though he has no reason to feel that way. He's simply taking care of a sexual need that you do not fulfill, and he's doing it by himself.

I wouldn't fret about it, just be accepting.

Greg Quinn · Sep 10, 2007, 09:19 PM

If it were a woman, I'm sorry but it is so illogical to bring a dildo on a cheating date. Why would he not take the dildo and use it on his wife if that's what he's into?

Then if it were gay, why risk bringing a dildo with you if you are both men and both have a penis? Why after the endeavor would anyone bring it home after and not leave it at the location of the other fetish lover? Both of these scenarios seem to have a lot of risk involved, especially since you originally found it in a car.
It seems like a real pickle not being able to trust your husband but at the same time not wanting to know much about his sexual interests. It seems to me you have made it very clear that you want him to hide something from you. I can't really say that he definitely is not cheating on you, but I do see that he is respecting your wishes to not be included in that part of his life, and that he seems determined to keep it from you. If that was something I was into and it were me, I would be hoping that you were keeping this conversation limited to members of ask me help desk prior to discussing it with me. Trust is the foundation of any relationship.

margarita_momma · Sep 11, 2007, 02:52 PM

What did he say when you asked him about the dildo you found in his bag?

BIGBOPPER · Sep 11, 2007, 04:52 PM

When anal sex is done correctly, it is a pleasurable and mind-blowing experience. I for one do enjoy it. And so do a few very straight men that I know. They desire to surrender "control" to a woman with a strap-on. They would never allow a real penis to go near their nether regions, but pull out a toy, and...
I would still be worried that the man is cheating, just not in the traditional way. She needs to talk to him, non-confrontational, about what is going on. She then needs to find out what his needs are and communicate what her needs are, and try to find a solution. My girlfriend and I did that awhile back, and it prevented cheating, and opened up new avenues for the both of us to enjoy. Communication is the key here. It will break down the barriers of mistrust, and possibly create new pathways to enjoy one another.
Don't be afraid of any sexual thing. I used to hate anal sex too. But since I met an experienced partner, it's one of my favorite acts.

smoothy · Sep 12, 2007, 04:56 AM

Its not just about control... you can have anal sex without control even being a factor. Like regular intercourse it can be done in such a way that either person has control or neither does.

Like I have said, I've exposed wife to different types of porn movies. She was reluctant or ashamed at first to admit freely what turned her on, but eventually she was comfortable enough understanding I did want to hear what turned her on or not. Among a few other types she was turned on by strap-on movies. Not the ones that have the woman on power trips or a dom/ sub type of thing. That does nothing for either of us. But this drives her literally nuts. And when a woman gets seriously turned on her vaginal area lips and all swells a noticeable amount (and there is no faking that), not to mention the obvious clues of her ripping off your clothes and screaming give it to me ( a normally very reserved and quiet woman). Well not those exact words but you get the idea. :D

just_another_mo · Jul 7, 2008, 06:51 PM

Ok ladies we all have our opinions and turn ons and offs. Yes many men enjoy prostate stimulation and many times is compared to the ladies G-spot. There is many other ways other then using the rubber dongs. What if you were denied clitoral or G-spot action. Remember different strokes for different folks.