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I am 29 and my husband is 31. We have been married for 5 years.
I know that’s its more common than usual for a man to be aroused and to be able to reach his peak and ejaculate very quickly.
My husband, on the other hand takes a very long time to ejaculate. He can get excited but will just take a long time to ‘come’.
When we are having sex he will be very excited and I can try all sorts of different things and positions to try and help my husband reach his peak so he can ejaculate. After a very long time I will be exhausted and then he will continue masturbating and he will be able to ‘come’ on his own.
Also while having sex after some time he will tell me that my vigina has grown so big and that he doesn’t feel anything and there is no excitement, no feeling.
Is it that he is too used to his hand that he doesn’t get any enjoyment from me and cannot ‘come’ in me?
I want to have a child now and it affects me that he is not able to be excited enough/ or is it that I am not able to excite him enough for him to reach his peak.
I don’t know what to do, but just feel more and more desperate to have a child and get more depressed that my husband is not able to ejaculate in me.
I can't believe he said that about your vagina getting bigger during sex. Of course it's going to strecth during intercourse. It's suppose to! Talk about a downer...
He should NOT make you feel that way during intimatcy.
Sounds like he has a problem of his own. Doesn't have anything to do with you.
He CAN ejaculate in you. If he can't when you get too tired, let him do his usual hand routine and then right before he orgasms, have him insert himself in you and that way he will be able to in you.
He says that if he plays with his hand and ejaculates in me towards the end is no fun. He says a baby should me made out of love, yes I agree, but the thing he takes forever to ejaculate. Yes he is excited, and he says he is very excited and his 'wants' me but he just doesn't ejaculate in me.
I will do oral, I will go on top of him, I will play with him with my hands, I will do all sorts he says he is very very excited and very very hard, but he will still never ejaculate inside of me, but not even that he still hasn't even ejaculated in MY hands while I'm paying with him.
the vagina actually stretches, with foreplay, before a man is even inserted. called the "ballooning" effect.
you told me some things in your PM that ill run off of here.
so he can get you off orally and also through intercourse. thats great. does it take a long time through intercourse? if so, he might be desensitized by the time he can focus on himself. so does he ever engage intercourse with the full intent of getting himself off only? i know... seems selfish. ok. but have you tried this?
if not, im thinking oral on you first, then make it all about him. also, you mention different positions and stimulations... do you hold some of these back to drive him over the top... meaning, my partner knows several things i like her to do. nibble at the ears, nails on back, a "reach under" for fingerplay, etc... but somethings, like the ears, i like held back. if she goes for this too soon, its not as powerful.
also, what about a refractory period of maybe 10-15 minutes? if he hits a plateau, have him stop. pet or touch each other for a time while he rests. then engage again and see if the sensations jump up higher... ive done this myself when things "flatten" out concerning sensations... stop, take a moment, reconnect, try again.
stress can hurt libido, and just the simple fact that he is having problems means there will be a self propagating negative cycle... i had a little mini depression several years ago, and that spilled over into the bedroom. and then that became a "problem" that just made it happen more. i had to clear my head, get a few "wins" in the bedroom, and relax.
i know this is a random, all over the place post... just more thoughts. lie on the bed and have him rub you down, shoulders to rear with lotion. he should be naked too. he doesnt have to go fast at all. skin to skin contact can amp up his sensations, and if hes straddling you from behind, running his hands up and down your torso, he will most definately get stimulation at the curve of your arse as he shifts up and back.
whats the biggest errogenous zone you have? your skin.
dont know how hes respond to your rubbing him down as well, but it might help develop needed sexual tension.
if he insists on "taking care of you" first, oral or intercourse, think about that refractory period and talk about what hed like for foreplay aimed at him. one "glitch" i run into is in my bedroom foreplay seems mostly about preparing the woman for sex... yes... i get a charge out of all im doing, but largely im doing all the "right things" to get her ready, get her off. this means after shes had hers, often from oral, its easy to think the guy is prepared for intercourse... maybe not. with all the focus on you, hes mentally not been in the moment completely.
i find, for ex, that i hardly ever get the amount of kissing id like. now... most of the time this doesnt lead to any problems... but when things do plateau for a bit, i think its largely due to rushing things on the mans side. just something to think about.
Your husband is taking advantage of your gullibility regarding matters of sex!
Plain and simple, he doesn't want to have any children with you at the present time, so he has a bunch of excuses to dazzle you with. He could impregnate you tonight if he wanted to!!!
It is very nasty of him to say that your vagina is too loose.....all that means is that he prefers the tight grasp of his own hand to the communion of husband and wife all nude in bed.
Do you want to stay married to this man? IF so, you are going to have to get him to stop lying to you and being so selfish!....Never forget that he is very lucky to have such a wonderful wife as you are.
First off, I don't think anyone (chow to Choux) should be making statements as factual about "what he is doing". There is no way for anyone to draw an absolute conclusion from a written post online without input from both parties. Is your husband on medications of any kind? Anti-depressants (or depression itself without meds) can be an absolute factor in sexual performance, ability to climax, and/or the time it takes to do so. Its possible that the situation, in his mind, is magnified from the first few instances of the issue to make it seem like a larger problem than what it might really be.
Although the posters may be stating something as fact with the outline of their sentences, every post is an opinion and should be taken as one.
anyways, I think all the bases have been covered by our excellent posters. He should have never said that about your vagina, maybe he doesn't really want a baby and is avoiding the subject. He is being selfish and not thinking of you. And all that talk about a baby being made out of love...he can still have sex, pull out, jerk it, and reinsert it and it's still love. Obviously he is playing with your emotions. also, men can hold it back, for quite sometime (some men anyway). He could be doing this to avoid getting you pregnant.
If he really does want to and he honestly just CAN'T then i suggest you working on him for long period of time before the actual intercourse happens. Try all HIS favorite and most erotic positions.
Also, stress can be hurting his desire and ability to perform. Any medication he is taking for it can also hurt it. Make sure that when you are in the bedroom that you are both tuned into the event....no stress in the bedroom is a good rule. If you are fighting, take it to a different room. Make the bedroom be a "stress-free" zone. Just a thought. It's worth a try anyway.
First of course there is still chances of getting pregnat even from the early fluid, so this will not stop you from getting pregnat at all. Ask about the 100 people who have posted on that here over the past year.
Next of course there is some problem on "HIS" side of this is your side of the story is correct.
A few thoughts ?
1. Does he watch a lot of Pron, or did he use to watch alot ?
I ask this since normally at the end of most porn they do it by hand outside the lady. And often porn has a way of destroying healthly sex life.
2. How long is a long time ?
Are you talkling about 30 minutes or a hour, how long is long Is it a matter of you needing to last longer or perhaps there is more foreplay needed on him before you ever start.
In the end it sounds like he first has no respect for your feelings and is merley having sex not making love.
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