I have been married for 2 years and together for 4. He is in his 40's and I am just getting into my 30's. He had a vasectomy years years before I came along. I used to want to have a child with him. In recent light of troubling events I have now changed my question to him. I used to ask him for a child, now I ask him if he is gay/Bi. We threw a party one night and all got really drunk. The guest we gone except for a friend and her husband. They were cleaning up. After putting my husband to bed for his own safety he came back out into the living room where I and a friend where talking. He plops down on the couch and the friends husband comes and sits down next to him. The friends husband reaches over and pulls out my husbands part and starts to preform oral sex on him in front of us. My husband doesn't act shocked, doesn't push him off, he just puts his hand on his head and pushes him down on him more. We separated. He later told me that he had been talking to this guy and they all wanted to have a swinging good time, if you know what I mean. They say they didn't know how to breach the subject with the two of us girls, so since we had been drinking they thought it would go over best if they just started the party and hoped we would join in.
Sometime after this, about a year or so. We are back together and I find he is masturbating to gay porn, frequently. He claims that he only watches it after he has been drinking heavily, which is all the time. He says that because it's so difficult to climax after drinking that he needs to look at something taboo. Something shocking to make him climax. I could go on and on about details of events that have lead me to ask this question, but to spare myself the shame I won't. All these events leave me heartbroken and utterly confused. We have great sex. He is present, attentive, and seems to enjoy our sex as much as I do. He is always begging me for sex and anal sex. He has said in the past that he is too old to have a child, now I think that this maybe the issue that has been preventing him from wanting a child. He is truly a good person. I have a husband that is also my best friend. He appears to be attracted to me. How does his behavior fit into our life as husband and wife? If he is BI, should I just accept that he has chosen to love me, and be with me-not another man. So confused about what to call this. Is he BI because he is attracted to both male and female, or is he gay? How can this happen?? How can you do this to someone that you say you love? How can you play with someone's heart and life just to spare yourself from what others might say or do? I am beside myself. I just need some outside perspective.