husband of 25 years seems disinterested after night of "quick" sex

Piperlike · #1 Nov 6, 2009, 05:25 AM

i'm 44, he's 48
he can't maintain during, says i get him so excited that he can't stop.
so i end up not satisfied... again

what do i do? he won't talk about it, saying that it's his fault not mine... since the last time, Monday night, he hasn't touched me

Catsmine · Nov 6, 2009, 05:40 AM

A simple answer that's very complex in implementing: more foreplay.

At this stage in his life, losing an erection does happen from time to time, even if he's excited just the right amount. It's not yet a dysfunction, it's age. It may become a dysfunction. One solution are those cute little rings that restrict blood flow once he's engorged. Getting him to try it will be a bit of work on your part.

Piperlike · Nov 6, 2009, 06:05 AM

yeah... toys lol!
was difficult getting him to use massage oils...
am i doing something wrong here? being too aggressive? i've been told i'm "hot" but not feeling very sexy when my husband doesn't seem to want me... only if he innitiates, which is less and less often...

Synnen · Nov 6, 2009, 06:09 AM

You need to communicate with your husband about this--and let him know that marriages can and do end over something like this.

You deserve to be satisfied too--even if that means he doesn't get his until AFTER he's given you at least one.

I would also have him consult his doctor to rule out any medical issues.

smoothy · Nov 6, 2009, 06:57 AM

When is the last time he's had a complete physical? He is at that age that medical issues can start to cause Erectile dysfunction.....Is he on meds, diabetic, high blood pressure, excessive stress....a number of issues may be at play here.

Plus.....if you only do it once a week, then don't be suprised if he finishes quick. do it every day and he will last a lot longer than if he waits a week or more to get off.

Piperlike · Nov 6, 2009, 07:59 AM

thanks all... just wish that i could really talk to him about this... i used to be the "good girl", very uninformed (almost frigid), so i started reading and surfing the internet to try to help our sex life... now i feel like a nymph! want to try new things, think about it all the time (it seems at least) and yet when i become the aggressor he backs away... so i tried the opposite- waiting for him- and i'm found waiting a lot... i know there is no one else for him, he doesn't even masturbate... so confused!

smoothy · Nov 6, 2009, 08:39 AM

Well, maybe he's just sprised by the change of attitude. Most guys like a woman that can take initiative and knows what she likes. A few might not like it. try a slightly less agressive approach, see if he warms up to it any better. Maybe he's just too used to the passive you...and just needs time to warm up to the new sexmachine you. I mean he's used to the old you from 25 years of being together...he may need some adjustment time.

Trust me I'm no submissive...but I do like a woman that isn't affraid to express what she likes and wants and goes for it in bed. I'd rather not have to be the one that decides what to do, when to do it and how every single time.

Gemini54 · Nov 6, 2009, 12:16 PM

It's a really difficult thing to do, but you probably need to take some time, when you're both relaxed and TALK. Yes, it's hard - particularly for guys.

Some men can withdraw if their partner is too 'full on' sexually. I'm not saying that you are. But traditionally men are the 'aggressors' and if they feel that their sexual performance is under par then they won't respond to a woman that is interested.

If your husband is having problems with his erections or premature ejaculation, then it's time to get a check up. At his age, he's still young, and if he's fit, it shouldn't be a problem,. Most often it's a mind thing and it's the thought of not being able to perform that creates the problem.

For the time being, try and slow down. There are a range of really easy techniques to assist PE. It's all on the internet!