My Husband and I have been married for 23 years. We have always had an incredible sex life often having sex at least 4 times a week on average. We have always been very open about fantasies,ect. and keep a porn movie for occasional use when our son is out of house. In the past on a few occasions I have found magazines(porn) stashed away and we have talked about viewing it together. I explained that we could also keep mags or anything he wanted as long as we enjoy it together. He agreed fully. Recently I found a pic of 2 naked women together in his garage office and was extremely, emotionally upset. We spent an entire week talking about this due to my urging. He said he only looks at it once in awhile and doesn't have a problem. He also knows he was hiding it and that means we weren't viewing it together. I enjoy porn myself, just not without him. Iv'e been beside myself ever since finding it. He says it's not worth losing me so he'll never do it again. Lots of the guys at his work keep them in the trucks and now I feel like he'll look whenever he can. I also dont know how long or often he's been doing this. The biggest issue is we have a pact, We share together! Please help!

smoothy

Well, don't worry about it so much for one thing. I commend you for keeping an open mind about it in general so why make such a large issue of a couple mags. Perhaps look at it this way...have you ever bought a purse, shoes or something you didn't bother to tell him about? Was there any malice intended when you did? It does come across as controlling behaviour at least in how the post is worded.

southerngalps

i think as long as he's faithfull to you, that's all that matters, and you might be too over concerned about the picture. i would trust in him that he said he won't do it again because you aren't fond of it.

Fr_Chuck

I think everyone needs to have some private time and some private items, If this is all he has I think he deserves alittle private fantizy time as long as that is all it is.

Choux

I think you are being way too controlling.

Everyone needs their own private part of their lives...their own private thoughts, their own private actions. He sounds like a good guy.. rejoice, don't complain!

Best wishes,

J_9

I have never seen a garage or a garage office without pics of naked or half naked women. It's a guy thing.

kp2171

i cannot tell you what is right for you or your relationship. that is completely your call.

chances are, if you found a few things, there might be more. on the other side... there are women who would KILL to be married to a man who gave them a wonderful sexual experience 4 times a week after two decades of marriage.

seriously. i hope you know what you have... however "imperfect" it is.

i understand your feeling of betrayal. its mentioned over and over here on the boards... but usually from women who are neglected completely.

as long as what he has viewed is legal and within your mindset morally ok... meaning it doesnt violate some basic tennet of yours... id say let the man indulge now and then in peripheral visual stimulation as long as he is an attentive lover and a good mate.

guys are visual apes. we are idiots about it.

to put it in perspective perhaps... last week i had a sprinkler system running on a public land that is adjacent to mine... one that ive landscaped and tended to over the last few years. i went out back to turn off the system and i spotted a beaufiful, curvy young woman walking down the path adjacent to this land. seeing this gorgeous woman at a distance, and knowing the sprinkler might get her wet, i rushed like mad to my house to shut off the water. then i walked back to the path to see if she were still there. i had no intention of seduction, just wanting to see her.

turned out that beautiful woman was my wife... whod slipped onto the path a few houses back and was coming by to inspect my work wearing new clothes id never seen before.

in this case... the object of my inflammed imagination was my betrothed, which makes for a cute story on our side. whenever she wears that outfit ill tease her for copying that cute girl i saw. shell tease me for scampering off to not get a young woman wet.

point is... if id known it was my wife, would i have scampered? sure... but i might not have had the who-is-that drive. doesnt mean i dont love her or that im not attracted to her. im just an idiot who likes what he likes.

that your man had viewed other women visually isnt proof he is lost from you. my partner has erotica she stores in a special drawer. that shes excited by it doesnt bother me at all. that she has a cute pink vibe doesnt upset me. as long as she seems attentive and engaged in the bedroom... things are fine.

i dont care that she flirts with other men sometimes. i dont care that she loves erotica. i dont care that she checks out the guy at the restaraunt with the long, slim build and the tight arse. as long as she channels that energy into me, its ok.

i cant tell you whats ok for you... but honestly... if you dont want him, there are a lot of others who will.

unless there are other issues... id take great pleasure in that he can see other women he might even desire and still performs great in bed with you so often.

Emeraldgreen7

I appreciate everyones opinions whether I agree or not. Please keep in mind I dont want too control my Husband. We view porn together and enjoy it. I've told him we could just as well look at magazines too. But he states that he dont want or need them, that he enjoys watching movies with me. Also keep in mind how open we are with each other except for this. The biggest pill too swallow is that we made a pact too view and enjoy porn together. I have always loved sex as well as him. I am in my forties, 5'5 and 125 ponds. Most people think I'm in my 30's easy. I was a previous model in fact. The hardest thing for me I guess is knowing he is viewing, if not masterbating with me at times. Although he denies masterbating. I assured him that he can do anything he wants with me, just please do it together. I know also fear him doing this in the future were he is around it at his job at times. Please read my first post and then this one and tell me, Is there anyone out there that feels the same way? What cant a sexual experience remain between 2 comitted,willing partners? Thank you to anyone who applies. By the way I love my husband very much, after all we've been together 23 years.

J_9

Threads merged.

twinkiedooter

Emerald - let's be realistic here for a second, okay? After 23 years of being together doing everything together sex picture wise - are one or two pictures going to really make a huge difference in the way you two feel about each other? NO. Maybe he liked that picture(s) and wished to view it a few more times by himself. Do you invite him to watch you douche or shave your underarms? Sure hope not. (And that was not to be considered a rude comment either - just a comparison to show you how silly you are making a mountain out of an ant hill here). Let the man have a few minutes to himself once in awhile, okay?