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How to tell her I want sex?

Asked Oct 11, 2007, 05:57 AM — 47 Answers
Hey

I've been with my partner for over a month and all we seem to do is spend time in her bedroom cuddling. But I want more.

I want to tell her she isn't satisfying my needs as a man and that I need relief otherwise I really get stressed!

In fact, I noticed when she has (on the odd occasion) given me relief that straight after I felt much more comfortable and actually started talking to her loads and wanted to do more for her!

I don't know how to approach the issue delicately without her thinking I'm a sex freak and just like every other guy.

Oh and by the way... She doesn't seem bothered about me giving her relief. In fact whenever I try she usually just lays there like a limp dead dog until I ask if I should stop and she says she has a headache or stomache ache or something :S
... But once she has said it felt absolutely amazing and told me I was doing everything right and it felt like she just needed to "explode" but couldn't. Says she thinks she's never had an orgasm.

Am I just useless in the bedroom? I know she's had abit of experience but doesn't look like it cos she doesn't "use" it!
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47 Answers
Synnen's Avatar
Synnen Posts: 7,882, Reputation: 12354
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#11

Oct 11, 2007, 12:32 PM
That's HORRIBLE advice!

Look...if she doesn't want to do anything sexual after ONLY a month--that's her perogative. You have a hand, right? Frankly, it's YOUR problem, not hers.

Kissing and cuddling is about where you should be at after a month together.

Frankly, I wouldn't want to do anything just for you, either. It doesn't sound like you're making it about HER, really. Have you offered to get HER off, with nothing in it for yourself? That's what you're asking her for, after all.

If you want a serious relationship with this girl, believe me, making sure the cuddling and the talking are there BEFORE the sex is really important.
aaii (Oct 11, 2007 01:06 PM): Stop misunderstanding the situation. When did I ever say its all about me? I want to pleasure her also.   Source:
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GlindaofOz's Avatar
GlindaofOz Posts: 2,339, Reputation: 1820
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#12

Oct 11, 2007, 12:38 PM
Sorry any woman with any shred of self esteem, self respect or self love is not going to dive into a sexual relationship with a stranger. After a month you know NOTHING about each other and have barely established a relationship let alone hollowed out an opening for her to give you oral sex. If that's all you want then pay for it instead of trying to use this girl.
aaii (Oct 11, 2007 02:05 PM): I don't think asking her for money would help, do you?   Source:
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templelane's Avatar
templelane Posts: 1,185, Reputation: 1154
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#13

Oct 11, 2007, 12:47 PM
We should get this guy and and thoughtiwastheman to post these opinions up on the threads where a 13 year old thinks her 20 year old boyfriend just likes her for the conversation!
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aaii's Avatar
aaii Posts: 91, Reputation: 49
Junior Member
  
#14

Oct 11, 2007, 01:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
That's HORRIBLE advice!

Look...if she doesn't want to do anything sexual after ONLY a month--that's her perogative. You have a hand, right? Frankly, it's YOUR problem, not hers.

Kissing and cuddling is about where you should be at after a month together.

Frankly, I wouldn't want to do anything just for you, either. It doesn't sound like you're making it about HER, really. Have you offered to get HER off, with nothing in it for yourself? That's what you're asking her for, after all.

If you want a serious relationship with this girl, believe me, making sure the cuddling and the talking are there BEFORE the sex is really important.
I'm not sure why you are so hostile about this? You have completely misunderstood almost the whole situation and are escalating this into making it look like I'm a heartless bully who doesn't care about her feelings. Your pointing all the fingers at me.

And yes I have tried to get her off. She said I was doing everything right and it felt like she needed to explode. But most of the time when I try she says she has a stomach ache of headache which is fine, but seems she has a headache pretty much all the time.

I would NEVER force her into anything... That's just not who I am.

But its very frustrating when she's just rubbing around your crotch, over your jeans, and doesn't go the full way cos says she doesn't want the mess. Imagine almost wanting to explode then just being left... It's extremely frustating and leaves me feeling stressed.

Can no man relate to this? I know its hard for girls to understand what its like to have around 20 times greater testosterone levels
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Xrayman's Avatar
Xrayman Posts: 1,176, Reputation: 1007
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#15

Oct 11, 2007, 03:56 PM
Oh brother
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ordinaryguy's Avatar
ordinaryguy Posts: 1,795, Reputation: 3046
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#16

Oct 11, 2007, 04:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aaii
And yes I have tried to get her off. She said I was doing everything right and it felt like she needed to explode. But most of the time when I try she says she has a stomach ache of headache which is fine, but seems she has a headache pretty much all the time.
Her lack of response is telling you that she doesn't really want a sexual relationship with you, at least not yet. If you can't wait a month, you're in too much of a hurry. Being a lusty 20-year old guy is hard (no pun intended).
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aaii's Avatar
aaii Posts: 91, Reputation: 49
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#17

Oct 11, 2007, 04:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ordinaryguy
Her lack of response is telling you that she doesn't really want a sexual relationship with you, at least not yet. If you can't wait a month, you're in too much of a hurry. Being a lusty 20-year old guy is hard (no pun intended).
Haha yeah it is! I think a lot of people, particulary girls, have really misunderstood me in this thread, so allow me to clarify myself.

I am in no way forcing her to do anything. If you look at the subject name its how to tell her I want sex... Not forcing anything! I want to communicate with her that I would like to have a sexual relationship, but do it in a way that makes her not think all I want her for is sex, because that just simply isn't true. I love her for who she is and if she says to me she doesn't want anything too involved (sexually) right now I would 100% respect that.
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ordinaryguy's Avatar
ordinaryguy Posts: 1,795, Reputation: 3046
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#18

Oct 11, 2007, 04:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aaii
If you look at the subject name its how to tell her I want sex... Not forcing anything! I want to communicate with her that I would like to have a sexual relationship, but do it in a way that makes her not think all I want her for is sex, because that just simply isn't true. I love her for who she is and if she says to me she doesn't want anything too involved (sexually) right now I would 100% respect that.
I'm sure she already knows that you want sex, so how to tell her that isn't really the issue. Your real question is how to make HER want sex. Well, you can't, and she's already told you, by her lack of sexual response, that "she doesn't want anything too involved (sexually) right now". So you can start to "100% respect that" immediately, without telling her anything about what you want.
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GlindaofOz's Avatar
GlindaofOz Posts: 2,339, Reputation: 1820
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#19

Oct 11, 2007, 06:06 PM
Here is the truth. If you don't know how to ask for what you want then you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with this woman.

Also PLEASE read the forum rules on assigning agrees and disagrees.

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedbac...ure-24951.html

You should read the rules before blindly assigning negative feedback to people just because YOU don't like what people have to say.

EDIT

Also I said that if all you want is oral sex then PAY FOR IT meaning hire a hooker NOT ask your girlfriend for money. Read the answers FIRST then respond. If you have something else to add then create a new answer NOT assign disagrees.
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aaii's Avatar
aaii Posts: 91, Reputation: 49
Junior Member
  
#20

Oct 12, 2007, 04:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GlindaofOz
Here is the truth. If you don't know how to ask for what you want then you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with this woman.

Also PLEASE read the forum rules on assigning agrees and disagrees.

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedbac...ure-24951.html

You should read the rules before blindly assigning negative feedback to people just because YOU don't like what people have to say.

EDIT

Also I said that if all you want is oral sex then PAY FOR IT meaning hire a hooker NOT ask your girlfriend for money. Read the answers FIRST then respond. If you have something else to add then create a new answer NOT assign disagrees.
Thanks for pointing this to my attention but I think your original post didn't help in the slightest, so I'm not going to agree with it, right?

Telling me to go pay a hooker for sex isn't constructive advice.
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