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    How to hide from my would be hubby

    Asked Jun 7, 2008, 11:46 AM 31 Answers
    I belong to a muslim family and am worried about my virginity as I lost I before 4 years with my BF who than ditched me. Now I am getting married next year and don't know how to hide from my hubby that I am not virgin. I cant tell him as I cant afford to loose him . I don't know what to do on my first night. Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me out.
    Last edited by Curlyben; Jun 7, 2008 at 03:32 PM.
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    afaroo's Avatar
    afaroo Posts: 3,370, Reputation: 199
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    #2

    Jun 7, 2008, 03:04 PM
    Are you getting married with a Muslim, or other religion?
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    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #3

    Jun 7, 2008, 03:06 PM
    First I would suggest being honest with the man that you intend to spend the rest of your life with.

    If that is not an option you can always say that you were riding a horse or doing stretches and that broke the hymen. If he asks. He may not even notice.

    Again, that is if you decide to be dishonest with you future husband.
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    progunr's Avatar
    progunr Posts: 1,971, Reputation: 288
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    #4

    Jun 7, 2008, 03:08 PM
    What kind of answer do you expect to get here?

    You are asking us how to help you continue the lie you have already told.

    Sorry, honesty is the best policy.

    If you need to lie to keep your boyfriend, then you don't deserve him.

    He has every right to know the truth, and make his decisions based on reality.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,727, Reputation: 7217
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    #5

    Jun 7, 2008, 03:50 PM


    Honesty is always best, but most likely he will not know the difference.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 35,025, Reputation: 5104
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    #6

    Jun 7, 2008, 04:06 PM
    I agree with FrChuck. If your future husband is a virgin himself, he will not have a clue, will not realize that you are not a virgin. He will be too busy being worried about his own performance. If you compliment him and encourage him and tell him good things about how he looks and how he behaves, he will not be thinking about your virginity.

    If I were you, I would keep secret the fact that you are not a virgin. No good will come of your telling him now or ever.
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    afaroo's Avatar
    afaroo Posts: 3,370, Reputation: 199
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    #7

    Jun 7, 2008, 04:07 PM
    Chuck is right honesty is the best and like he says he will not know, but it will be good for you to start your life with honesty rather than you feel guilty inside, good luck and wish you all the best.
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    Choux's Avatar
    Choux Posts: 3,048, Reputation: 375
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    #8

    Jun 7, 2008, 07:47 PM
    I hate to advise someone from a Muslim culture because it is so repressive of woman's sexuality and oppressive of women in general, so that's my caveat. A Muslim woman who got away with it is your best advisor on this question as a non-virgin girl is going to have a problem finding a decent husband, n'est pas?

    You don't have to share any of your previous sexual experience with anyone... just lie. As far as anyone is concerned, you have never had sexual relations, and you **don't know** why there isn't any blood on the bedding! **That's all** All women can lose their hymen from experiences other than sex, and I bet some women are born without a decent hymen that breaks and bleeds.

    After a couple of weeks, it is all ancient history.

    Ya got to have courage in life, girl, there's no one to look out for your best interests but you.
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    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,864, Reputation: 2413
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    #9

    Jun 7, 2008, 11:11 PM


    I agree that honesty is the best policy--this is a secret you will have ot keep forever. And what happens if that other guy shows up and spills the beans someday?

    Everything else I have to say is judgemental, so I'll keep my mouth shut. The past can't be changed.

    If you absolutely are certain you want to hide this from him, then you're better off just saying nothing at all about it to him. No reason to lie, but there are so many ways for a hymen to break other than sex that it's not even funny.
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    kirriky's Avatar
    kirriky Posts: 80, Reputation: 26
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    #10

    Jun 8, 2008, 07:05 AM
    Act clumsy and nervous (i.e. don't do anything, let him do all the work, plus, you'll be nervous anyway, albeit for other reasons). Some women don't bleed during their first time, so just leave it at that.

    And no, you don't have to confess.

    Being honest is all very nice and extremely 'politically correct' unless you're coming from a background that promotes honour killings of women and girls. Zero cultural insight.
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