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How to confront my boyfriend about porn I found when snooping?
I've been snooping in my boyfriend's computer regularly and find that any time I'm not around, he's on porn sites. LOTS of porn sites. It hurts, makes me feel like less of a woman and I'm not sure how to confront him, since I was technically in the wrong when snooping...
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You don't, first there is nothing really wrong with him looking at it. It does not effect you, or your relationship unless you let it. Assuming you are dating, porn, and looking at it is just one of 1000 things you need to discuss |
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How old are you? Why did you start snooping? Usually, if someone feels a need to 'snoop' then there are already issues in the relationship. Have you discussed those issues with him? |
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If you don't want to know, or can't handle what you'll find, then don't snoop. If there's trust, then snooping isn't an issue. I think that the porn is the least of your worries. You lack of trust in him is the more serious concern. |
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You're snooping on your BF's computer. That is wrong on so many levels. You've violated his trust several different ways. You don't trust him. You're suspicious that you'll find something that will incriminate him. This is a poison that will slowly eat away and destroy your relationship and it is going to be all your fault. That's sugar coating it too. Done is done. Moral of the story: Don't do that EVER again. Trust him and his privacy. You also found Porn on his computer. This shouldn't come as a surprise. Men are visual creatures and we like looking at pictures and videos of naked women. It is part of the male condition, just like reading romance novels is for a woman. This isn't a reflection upon you. I am sure he treasures you and the thought of cheating has never entered his mind. It is a fantasy. Nothing more. Porn is okay. You're not inadequate, physically at least. Relax. This is NORMAL. |
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Why were you even invading on his privacy? Even if him watching porn bothers you a great deal, it does not enable snooping. |
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Start with your total lack of respect for HIS privacy. After all, why are YOU entitled to any sort of privacy if you can't respect others privacy. And as a girlfriend... you aren't "ENTITLED" to stick your nose into everything you want to. Keep in mind... do you want HIM doing this very exact thing to you? And why not? If you aren't mature enough to respect bounderies... and trust your partner... then you aren't mature enough to be in a relationship yet. But you do see the problem... thats a good thing. Perhaps learn from it. It can easily be reversed to where its him snooping on you, and you that would have to defend every thought or action. Everyone is entitled to personal space... and inviting anyone into that space... is purely the right of the person whoes space it is. Nobody is entitled to invade it. It's something that's earned... not an entitlement that's expected after X time together, or because of any acts performed together. THere are married couples that spend a lifetime together without fully revealing those dark spaces to one another... while some close friends might be invited in at the same time... |
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It is probably likely that there were some problems that caused you to think you needed to snoop on his computer, even though it was the wrong thing to do. While I don't agree with what you did (you could have just communicated your concerns face to face), you now know that he uses porn.
What made you suspicious. Did he spend too much time on the compuer, and not enough time with you? Was the relationship beginning to wain, and you were thinking that maybe he had another woman on the side? As to the porn, was it porn sites without interraction, or was there interraction with chat, video cam etc. Do you think that his use of porn has contributed to any problems you are having, or is it in addition to. A little more information on the relationship itself would be helpful. |
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How do you confront him? You say, "honey, I'm an untrusting woman with low self-esteem, and I invaded your private space by snooping on your computer and found porn" Please let us know if you ever actually get to the PORN issue after that. You have bigger issues than porn. You have issues with trust and privacy, and those need to be dealt with first. |
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All you need to say to him is "Goodbye." You blew the relationship already, porn/chat/another girlfriend notwithstanding. You don't trust him and he can't trust you. |
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