I have been with my girlfriend off and on for 2 yrs now. We have finally worked everything out and we are happy as can be and planning to get married soon, BUT there's one thing. She is very simple in bed. I can count on one hand how many times she's given me oral. She only really likes the man in top position. When she's drinking she kind of steps out side her box and try different things, so I know she’s capable of being a little freaky in bed. I've tried talking to her about it and she say's she's just really concretive, and she has never done anything "freaky". How can I get her to try different things? Does any one know of a book or video that can help? I love this girl with all my heart and I want to marry her but I think the sex will be a deal breaker. I think I sound very shallow but I know eventually I'll get broad. Can anyone suggest anything?

Wondergirl

What on earth does "concretive" mean?!

Please go to the public library and check the Dewey Decimal number 612.6 and nearby. That's where you can find books like The Joy of Sex and More Joy of Sex, etc. with lots of illustrations and explanations of sex positions plus other how-to information. Read the books yourself and share them with your gf to read alone and with you.

And do you start foreplay at least 12 hours before The Big Event? Foreplay doesn't happen only during the first ten minutes. Do you leave her little love notes in places where she can find them during the day? If you live together, do you help out around the house, say, with laundry and dishes and picking up after yourself? Are you there for her emotionally and as a good listener, listening to her venting without always trying to fix the problem? (Yes, sometimes we just want to vent.) Do you stroke her cheek as you walk or stand near her, and sometimes give her a hug for no reason?

Sex is a lot more than her thinking outside the box. It's also YOU thinking outside the box.

Dallasboy

That's just the thing I'm the affection one in the relationship. I always hold her and talk to her and kiss her on the fore head. She really doesn't like a lot of touchy feely thing. I do everything to try to loosen her up. I just really want to spice things up and have her to enjoy sex and not do things to please me as if it’s a chore.

Synnen

How old are you both?

Dallasboy

She's 31, I'm 30

Synnen

You might not be able to at all. usually by the time people are 30, they've settled into their personality.

Honestly, it sounds to me like she might not enjoy sex at all--at least not to the point of reaching orgasm.

Try reading some books together about sex, and talking about what you both like.

By the way--what kind of freaky are you wanting here? Some kinds of freaky, you just ain't gonna get out of the average woman.

Dallasboy

I'm not into whips and chains, or anything. I just want more in the bedroom, and I agree with the the statement. She may be set in her ways now.

Synnen

well, here's the thing:

Couples need to be able to communicate, and to compromise. If you can't have an open, honest conversation about sex and what you'd like with your girlfriend, then you have issues outside of the bedroom.

I know PLENTY of women (and men!) who do not like to give oral sex. That's their choice--and nothing you do is going to make them want to do it.

I do, however, find it surprising that she only likes the missionary position. That position is notoriously difficult for the woman to orgasm in--which is why I'm wondering if she IS having an orgasm during sex. Not saying it's not possible--many of the women I've talked to CAN have orgasms that way--but that it's harder than, say, woman on top.

What does she say when asked about new positions?

Dallasboy

I've found the right angle to make her orgasm during missionary. She has tried to be on top and she's not very good at it. When I try to tell her how to do it she thinks she not doing it right. As for oral I was her first, and she has said she likes it, but she doesn't want to do it all the time. She's a real brainy act and over thinks everything and she brings that over thinking to the bed room.

Synnen

This is where foreplay HOURS before the event comes into play.

Betcha when you've been drinking (you plural--when the TWO of you have been drinking) that you've been flirting and teasing all evening too.