So I've been fighting with this idea within myself for a few months now. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, and we have a truly wonderful relationship. We talk about everything (I mean everything) including the issue I'm about to bring up.

When we first started dating and the subject of porno came up I was totally cool with it. I have been totally cool with it in the past; I think it's a natural thing for human beings to do and enjoy and in that sense I've never disagreed with it. So at first I was totally OK with him watching porn on his own time (or with me).

My reactions then eventually started to change for some reason. I would come home from being away all day and I would see his laptop on our bed downstairs and I would know that he had been watching porn (and I do know that he was watching porn, because we talked about it). After a few times of this happening I started to think about it more; when I would come home from work I would have these paranoid thoughts that he had been looking at porn while I was gone.

The thing is is that we have talked about this particular issue a lot. He has told me what the reasons are for him watching, which aren't concerning to me. We have such a great relationship - we're in love, he looooves my body the way it is, and we have really freakin' amazing sex. We have excellent communication with one another.

So, it's not that we have any problems in our sex life, and I'm not concerned that he thinks the porn women are more attractive than me. But for some reason I still get such a strong feeling when I know that he's been watching porn.

As it stands right now, we've had some discussions about it and I told him that I feel uncomfortable with it and he was completely willing to stop watching it. So he hasn't for the past 2 or 3 months. I have really gained a lot of trust in him because I know that he hasn't been doing it behind my back (and I don't know this from snooping, but because we are so honest with each other - he would seriously tell me if he did). He has respected me enough to give up something he enjoys.

However, I feel like a total because of this. Him and I, in every other way, are not controlling people at all - we do not want to restrict the other person's actions. We both have lives independent of one another and I'm OK with anything else he wants to do in his life.

I would really love to say that I am totally OK with him returning to watching porn if/whenever he likes. I don't have a problem with the idea of it in general but when I think about him watching it I get this weird negative feeling inside. It's almost like the secretive aspect bothers me, or that he's having a sexual experience without me and I feel left out.

My question is: does anyone have any suggestions on how I can authentically be OK with him watching porn? I really don't want to say that he can't do something. He has treated me so wonderfully and respectfully thus far on the issue and I'm feeling more and more like a jerk for restricting him in this way. I just want to be OK with it! Help me out with some fresh perspectives! Thank you