Girlfriend still loves sex, just not 'sexing it up' for me anymore

What ELSE is going on in your relationship?

4 years is ever since you both got out of high school--what's changed in both of your lives since then?

How often do you make her feel loved WITHOUT sex being involved?

Frankly, when I was 21, I was shaved smooth all the time, mixed it up, sent naughty emails (we didn't have texts back then), blah blah blah.

Then LIFE happened. When I was working 8 hours a day, coming home, making dinner, cleaning house, doing chores, whatever--I was TIRED at the end of the day, and wanted to SLEEP. Hell, that STILL happens, and I'm a SAHM. Since I was doing all of the heavy lifting to make sure our lives were running smoothly OUTSIDE of the bedroom, sex felt like just another chore after a while, and frankly--sex that feels like a chore isn't likely to make me want to shave, wax, or spend more than a minute on the tip of a penis either.

Sorry honey--but after 4 years, real life kicks in. It's time consuming and expensive to be waxed all the time--especially if it's just going to get you sex and not a date or a night out or a surprise gift or flowers.

When's the last time you did something SWEET, not SEXY? When's the last time you wrote haikus to her about how much you loved her in texts and not sexting? When's the last time you did something just for her and didn't expect sex when it was done?

She may not SAY it, but I bet she feels like it's always about sex with you, and not about romance anymore. Women NEED romance. Sex for women is 99% mental. If you're not getting into her head, and not doing the romantic stuff...the sexy stuff doesn't happen.

Have you ASKED her what's up? Have you done so when you're NOT in the bedroom? Calmly and quietly and then LISTENED to what she had to say? No jumping in with solutions to what you see as excuses, no explanations from your side of things, just LISTENING?

Joe Brown,

Welcome to this site, first!

Pubic hair is such a thing, which some people love to keep, other despise having it. About girls, some like shaving/removing/waxing, others not. Moreover, they may or may not like pubes on their male partners. Means, you need to ask a girl, if she likes your pubes or not. If she says, YES, grow your pubes, if she not, ask what does she want i.e. what she wants you to do to your pubes, cutting, trimming, shaving or waxing. I think this 'questioning' to her will answer your question.

Moreover, when you are gonna meet someone after a long while, or on a surprise meeting, or a date, you sure WAX it off, but how can someone spare time and money to WAX all the time? Not?

it sounds like she is growing up and you are not, what about jobs, where is the relationship going besides having sex all the time, perhaps she is not intereted in being a booty call all the time.

How old is your girlfriend? What else is going on in her life? School? Work? Friends? Family? Stress?

Maybe she would like to watch bad re-runs on TV while cuddled up next to you and making fun of the silliness on the screen. Maybe she would like to listen to music while watching clouds make pictures in the sky. Have you asked her?

I don't like saying this but it sounds like you have been catering to your needs and using her to do it. You talk about doing sexual things 'for her', however, it sounds more like it is for you to get what you want.

Have you tried asking her what she needs or wants? Have you two talked about the future and where the relationship is going? Have you discussed children and marriage? Are you living one day at a time and thinking that is what she wants?

Sit down together and talk about life. Make certain you are both still wanting the same things in life. Work together to move forward with your relationship instead of trying to hold on to what the relationship was like when you were eighteen.

Hello, and thanks for the quick replies to my question!
I suppose I should clarify a few things here. As far as how I treat her, it's very far from just being a booty call: I do surprise her with flowers or gifts, take her out for romantic dinners for no reason other than to just do so, cook her romantic meals, massage her when I know she is stressed. To take things away from the bedroom for a minute, I'm actually feeling like a lot of things are one-sided. I don't remember the last time she offered to give me a neck massage when i've been having a long week, and I don't think she has ever even planned a romantic night for us.

As far as growing up is concerned, we both have had to. I know I don't have to tell you about the life of a student, but I also run my own business in order to pay for it, and I live on my own.

Basically we have a great relationship where we spend many nights without needing to have sex. She isn't just a booty call, for us, me at least, sex is an important part of a healthy relationship.

Synnen, how would you suggest asking her what's up? I feel like I may have come off in the wrong light here in my post and I don't want the same thing happening when I talk with her.

Kahani, I will definitely try this, hopefully it will open up some dialouge. She did stay completely waxed for over two years when we started dating. I don't mean that's exactly what I want, I just want her to take a little more care. It's not that enjoyable getting hair stuck in your teeth...

This last post doesn't even seem like it's written by the same person as the first.

You are in a relationship, presumably close enough to be having sex. You talk about this "problem" the same way you talk about any other problem - openly, not being accusatory, telling her what you would like, your preferences.

You are having sex with a woman but don't know how to suggest to her that she trim her pubic hair?

Maybe she doesn't want to wax. It's not comfortable for some women. Maybe she's too busy. I don't know.

Ask her.

Have you ever "waxed" try and it see if you think she has to if she does not want to.

JudyKayTee, I was a little frustrated when I first posted, and the comments since then have provided me with some more perspective, hence my change in tone. I also think you bring up an important point, which also seems to surface in other comments as well: perhaps I am not being open enough with her. Would you agree with Kahani's suggestion to ask her about my pubic hair first? My biggest fear is for her to wonder why I am asking a question like this out of the blue and for my question to come across as accusatory. The last thing I want to do here is make her feel insecure. We have talked about sex quite a bit before, what we like and don't like in bed, but neither of us have said, or implied that we want the other person to change. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I assume you want my honest answer so, no, I don't agree woith Kahani's suggestion. I believe in honesty right from the start. I wouldn't play a game - "What do you think of my pubic hair and by the way ..."

If I were your girlfriend and the issue were waxing I would have no problem if you would say, "I really used to like/get turned on/something else when you waxed." Let me say, "I stopped because ..." or, "I didn't know that." Then take it from there.

I never like conversations that get started in one direction and then turn in another. First of all, I usually see the point from the very beginning and it insults me. Second of all, I don't like the game playing.